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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do you discipline yourself?

33 replies

BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 08:56

I have bipolar type 2, currently being denied access to my medication so and relying totally on holistic methods to try and keep myself well.

Obviously though with my mood being extremely low I really lack discipline or motivation. When you’re suicidal you don’t want to do anything at all. I need to be strong in exercising everyday and eating healthily as these do make me feel slightly better but I’m struggling to kick my ass into gear.

Does anyone have any tips on how they stay motivated and force themselves to be up and active?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/11/2022 08:57

Who’s denying you access to medication? This sounds quite dangerous.

BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 09:05

Yes very dangerous! That’s just the state of you appalling mental health service unfortunately!

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 05/11/2022 09:06

Little steps. And make it easy for yourself. So don’t aim too high.
Get dressed and showered and aim to walk round the block before lunch. And then do a 15 minute yoga thing in the afternoon.
Work out some food that is easy but kind of healthy and that you like. So for me, if I was trying to eat reasonably but easily, i would go for:

muesli and yoghurt with a chopped banana
scrambled eggs on toast
tinned peach and yoghurt
noodles with prawns and tinned sweetcorn

(I don’t know what level of healthy you are aiming for though!)

Basically, just aim for a little bit better than where you are.

Turquoisa80 · 05/11/2022 09:11

I'm not bipolar but when I'm feeling insecure and lost, I wake up.. Have a shower, do my make up, make coffee as per routine and I watch the news to ground myself and make myself aware that everyone has problems. Keep up whatever routine you have and tell yourself it's okay to not be okay but you must carry on with the little aspects of daily life

Houseplantmad · 05/11/2022 09:13

I treat exercise like homework ie not something I really want to do but something I have to do. I put it in my diary and when I look at the diary in the morning I start thinking that it’s something that has to be done that day. This helps me not to have excuses not to do it at the end of the day.

BertieBotts · 05/11/2022 09:14

Thinking about it as discipline/motivation is less helpful because you can't artificially just create discipline and motivation, and anyway you DO have motivation to do these things, you've mentioned in your post they make you feel better. So there are actually barriers in your way stopping you from doing them. Having this reframe really helps - if you focus on "discipline" and "I should just do X" then you're trying to use shame as motivation and I find that doesn't work - it just makes it painful to look at which is really counterproductive because you need to look at it to understand what the barriers actually are.

The Ross Greene message to kids "Kids do well when they can" applies to everyone IME. You are doing the best you can and that's all you can do!

Also look at Struggle Care by KC Davis as she has a similar approach.

You could take one item at a time and try to look for the barriers, the best way to do this (e.g. healthy eating) is to look at what you do right now and ask w-questions (what do you eat, when do you choose less-healthy options, where are you, what is happening, who are you with, etc etc) - but NOT "why" - why not why? Because it tends to elicit shame in response, e.g. "Because I'm too lazy" "Because I can't be bothered" "Because I never stick to any goals" etc etc. No, we're not doing that.

If you know what is getting in the way then you can better create solutions that take those barriers into account e.g. if a barrier to eating fruit/vegetables is that you would need to cut it up and that feels too much so you just grab a chocolate bar or some frozen chips instead because you only need to unwrap it, is there pre-cut fruit or veg you could buy? I basically exclusively eat frozen and tinned vegetables, because peeling and chopping is frequently a barrier to me (ADHD rather than bipolar).

If the barrier is that it's too many different tasks, you could try different styles of cooking such as using a slow cooker, recipes that don't need pre-browning, stir fry with everything in one pan, or "roasting tin" type dinners where everything goes in a single tin together, two-pot type hob meals also work for me (a pot of rice or spaghetti + a pot of protein-and-sauce - chilli, curry, bolognese etc, generally using jar sauce to simplify) or ready meals for the days when you really have no brain power and energy at all.

This is not a quick/easy solution so basically you have to prioritise and work on one thing at a time when you have energy to work on it, in the meantime, drop the shame from everything else and give yourself grace and kindness about them. You ARE doing the best you can, you can't shame your illness away.

Aerodactyl · 05/11/2022 09:14

I really like the fabulous app. It does cost, but for me it's so worth it. It starts slow but there's little mini goals all the time and it builds and solidly cements good healthy routines and rituals so that I even stick to them when I'm having a terrible mh time.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 05/11/2022 09:17

I have a rule with things that are non negotiable, like exercise, that I’ll never miss twice. This allows me room for a bit of slacking off, if I’m really not feeling it, but gets me back on it next day.

junebirthdaygirl · 05/11/2022 09:28

It's very dangerous for someone with bipolar to be off their meds. I would be more worried about this than any discipline etc. Why can't you get your meds? I am in lreland and don't know your health system so please explain that a bit more.

BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 09:38

New psychiatrist has decided not to prescribe them to me. She’s never even met me!

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 05/11/2022 10:52

I would not settle for that. Bipolar is in my family and l would not be happy to see that happen. Could your GP query that for you?

Runestone · 05/11/2022 10:58

I don't discipline myself, I motivate myself. I try to play the tape forward. If I exercise will I feel better later? If I take a shower in the morning will I have a nicer day? If I do the dishes now will it be easier to cook later? If I don't manage it, I don't beat myself up, but if I do, I take notice of how that thing helped me. I try to be tomorrow me's friend, or in the morning this afternoon me's friend. I try and help her have what she needs, I try to take steps to make sure that my future self isn't overwhelmed or stressed by having too much to do, by doing what I can now. Sometimes that means resting, or practising self care so future me is well rested and relaxed, otter times it's getting the housework done now so my future self can relax later, or doesn't have to worry about it when she's got something else going on. It's like paying ahead on my own happiness.

Runestone · 05/11/2022 11:01

That said, I would definitely fight the medication issue, because it is way too hard for me to have a positive mindset if I'm not taking medication when I need it, that's the biggest way I support myself is by advocating hard for myself in the face of inadequate health care.
I feel for you and hope you get the medication you need, so you can be in the right mindset to use the tools you have and gain some more. There's only so much you can self motivate or discipline yourself, if your not getting the proper medication and healthcare you need and deserve

BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 11:07

junebirthdaygirl · 05/11/2022 10:52

I would not settle for that. Bipolar is in my family and l would not be happy to see that happen. Could your GP query that for you?

Receptionists won’t let me have an appointment. Lied the other day to actually get through to a gp who was no help. Mental health team have discharged me, primary care can’t help as my needs are too severe so have discharged me. First response can’t help because I’m not actually going to kill myself yet. I basically need to attempt suicide first before anyone will help me. I’m in such a mess I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
AndyWarholsPiehole · 05/11/2022 11:31

What reason was given for stopping your prescription?

BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 12:13

The risks of the medics outweighs the benefits apparently. Which is utter bullshit and it should be my decision to go back on my meds that I’ve always managed absolutely fine on before.

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 05/11/2022 12:49

Try to make another appointment with a different GP if you can.

I've used an online doctor before. You just have to know exactly what kind of meds you had before and exact dosage. I had to pay for it myself.

As for getting started. Make mini lists. No more than 3 things on the list.
In the app store download a pomodoro timer.
Then when you think about one of the things just tell yourself. Ok. I'm going to start this and try it for 5 minutes. Turn on the timer. Put on some uplifting music if you like. I have entire cleaning playlists where I can dance around like a nut and clean.

If after 5 minutes, you want to stop, go ahead and stop. If you feel like continuing, say ok I guess I'll do another 5 minutes. Talk to yourself. Say well that wasn't so bad. Well I got that bit done which is good.

RosesAndHellebores · 05/11/2022 12:53

Write to your MP; write to the ceo of your local CCG. Write to the MH Trust's PALs team.

Nospringchix · 05/11/2022 13:07

emptythelitterbox · 05/11/2022 12:49

Try to make another appointment with a different GP if you can.

I've used an online doctor before. You just have to know exactly what kind of meds you had before and exact dosage. I had to pay for it myself.

As for getting started. Make mini lists. No more than 3 things on the list.
In the app store download a pomodoro timer.
Then when you think about one of the things just tell yourself. Ok. I'm going to start this and try it for 5 minutes. Turn on the timer. Put on some uplifting music if you like. I have entire cleaning playlists where I can dance around like a nut and clean.

If after 5 minutes, you want to stop, go ahead and stop. If you feel like continuing, say ok I guess I'll do another 5 minutes. Talk to yourself. Say well that wasn't so bad. Well I got that bit done which is good.

This has been something a psychologist recommended to me in the past and I found it very helpful. If there was a like button on MN posts I would have given you a like for this one.

Its advice I could well do with taking myself at the moment ( low mood and physical issues).

Thank you so much for giving me the reminder I needed as I had forgotten about it! Very much hope it helps the OP too. ❤️

AndyWarholsPiehole · 05/11/2022 13:18

The risks of the medics outweighs the benefits apparently. Which is utter bullshit and it should be my decision to go back on my meds that I’ve always managed absolutely fine on before.

Are you sure that was the reason? It's doesn't sound quite true.
Why was a psychiatrist even still involved if you've been fine on your medication? Usually after you're stable care is passed over to your GP.

Wooltongirl · 05/11/2022 13:21

Runestone · 05/11/2022 10:58

I don't discipline myself, I motivate myself. I try to play the tape forward. If I exercise will I feel better later? If I take a shower in the morning will I have a nicer day? If I do the dishes now will it be easier to cook later? If I don't manage it, I don't beat myself up, but if I do, I take notice of how that thing helped me. I try to be tomorrow me's friend, or in the morning this afternoon me's friend. I try and help her have what she needs, I try to take steps to make sure that my future self isn't overwhelmed or stressed by having too much to do, by doing what I can now. Sometimes that means resting, or practising self care so future me is well rested and relaxed, otter times it's getting the housework done now so my future self can relax later, or doesn't have to worry about it when she's got something else going on. It's like paying ahead on my own happiness.

Really like this approach

drawstringbags · 05/11/2022 14:41

It depends on what the task is, but generally, if it's something that needs to be done, rather than something I want to do, I set a lower bar than I perceive to be achievable. So I go for what is realistically " easily achievable ".
This is because in my reality, the problem is not the task. I can generally manage almost anything for a short space of time. I however find keeping myself motivated longer term much more difficult. I almost need to do as little as possible for a thing to become doable long term.

BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 15:23

AndyWarholsPiehole · 05/11/2022 13:18

The risks of the medics outweighs the benefits apparently. Which is utter bullshit and it should be my decision to go back on my meds that I’ve always managed absolutely fine on before.

Are you sure that was the reason? It's doesn't sound quite true.
Why was a psychiatrist even still involved if you've been fine on your medication? Usually after you're stable care is passed over to your GP.

I’m sorry but who are you? Who do you think you are questioning my medical situation?

I came off my meds to have my baby and now they won’t let me go back on them ok??

OP posts:
BabyClubYEEAAH · 05/11/2022 15:28

RosesAndHellebores · 05/11/2022 12:53

Write to your MP; write to the ceo of your local CCG. Write to the MH Trust's PALs team.

I have a complaint going with the nhs and the mental health service currently. It’s been a nightmare.

OP posts:
Flyingbye · 05/11/2022 15:43

I'm sorry you're in this position OP. What brilliant replies you have had here - small consolation though that is.

I try to spin it. If you find yourself saying "I really should..." then reframe it to "I want to... so I will... ". Eg "I really should vacuum" becomes "I will enjoy sitting here so much more if the room feels clean and tidy so I want to clean up the floor a bit." Similar idea to @Runestone really.

Also my depression CBT told me to schedule in something that I enjoy every day. That's one thing that has stuck with me. It helps me stay connected to myself somehow - seeking out what that thing is that I like and prioritising it.