At my wits end with baby crying - I keep losing it and screaming

[babysoss]

I don't scream at her, just nearby to release tension somehow. Does anyone else do this ?

She's just screaming all the time, at all hours at night and I don't know what to do. On top of that I have a toddler constantly tantruming. Which is just not getting better. Doing anything with her is exhausting, because she throws herself on the floor and a screams EVERY TIME she does not get her way.

She goes to nursery some of the time thankfully, but still, it's a nightmare.

On top of that, I really need to lose weight, as I look like some kind of cow and I'm trying to get myself to the gym most days. It's exhausting when you need to be up every few hours in the night.

I break down frequently.

Husband is away a lot on business trips etc. so it's basically all down to me. Then husband is frustrated and grumpy because of the lack of sex.

Oh this takes me back. When your husband comes home you need to hand him the baby and walk out, get your hair done, go shopping, meet a friend. You absolutely need to get breaks and he needs to step up. I had the fussiest baby on earth and my god it was hard. I had to live day to day and use headphones and earplugs when the screaming got too much. I found going for lots of walks and venting to my friends whenever he finally slept kept me somewhat sane. I absolutely couldn't have managed without my husband being supportive and involved. I thought it would never get easier and lost count of the amount of times I ended up in tears but hes four now and a completely different child. He's still a complete handful but happy and settled.

What milk is he on?

I think there is a "dairy free" formula which still has some dairy proteins in? I think nutrimigen is completely free from dairy protein?

Something like the first step is hydrolysed formula and if there's still reactions then next step is amino acid formula? Or vice versa.

Check out dairyfreemum on Instagram she went through formula switches after continued reactions and said she had a different baby after.

Join CMPA support on Facebook. CMPA and reflux go hand in hand and the thickener can aggravate the reflux. What milk is baby on? Sounds like they need Neocate, and a better reflux medication. But the Facebook group is excellent at advising on this. Then you have to bulldoze the doctor into letting you try something else.

This all sounds very familiar..... Me and DW had very similar issues. Turned out to be bad acid reflux, coupled with a cow's milk allergy.

Even if it isn't an allergic issue, it does seem to suggest there is something wrong and getting angry and frustrated with the situation is a perfectly normal reaction when you are doing everything humanly possible and nothing seems to work.

My advice would be to see your GP as soon as you can. Sometimes just knowing what the problem is makes it easier to deal with because you can understand that you haven't just got a demon baby and there is a reason for this.

It took 5 months to get diagnosed and I have plenty of sympathy with you because it feels like torture and there was two of us to do it. She's still hard work in lots ways but has just about finished the milk ladder with no more reactions (touch wood).

There was a mental health team with our local authority which helped us quite a bit. Even though they didn't physically do anything, it helped having someone who was not involved in the situation to talk it through with and bounce ideas off.

Also, go out and get to as many baby classes as you can afford to do. Most local authorities run them at a cheaper rate. Even seeing other parents and seeing other people with their own struggles makes you realise that you aren't the only one finding it hard and this does help.

Good luck and I know it won't seem like any consolation at the moment because everyone says this and you are still having to live with it in the meantime, but I promise it will get easier.

You need to tilt her cot so she’s head above feet and keep her upright after feeds.

The muscle at the top of her stomach should close better when she’s sitting up more.

Baby is on nutramigen. Has been since she was 8 weeks. Was also on omeprazole, but I weaned her off it after a month or so and she seemed to be doing much better.

The crying situation has got worse again, but it doesn't look like before. As in, during the day it doesn't seem to be linked to feeds. It's just random. At night, I'm not sure what the issue is. I thought it was teething. I kind of thought we had the reflux pain under control. The reflux is still horrendous if I don't use a milk thickener. The milk thickener creates explosive nappies, but not diarrhoea. I saw the consultant a few weeks ago and she said to stay on nutramigen and not switch to neocate. But at that point, I said that the crying was definitely much better.

The crying is worse now, especially at night and I'm not sure if it's the reflux or what. I thought it was teething.

In terms of weaning this baby, she really isn't interested in food at all. It's difficult to get her to take much food at all. She's just turned 6 months last week, so hopefully it should improve. Everyone says the more food they eat, the better the reflux situation becomes.

If it is reflux, it could explain the randomness. At night - screaming happens because they're laid flat and that's the worst position. In the day, reflux can happen at any point, not only linked to feeds. If omeprazole made it better before, maybe try it again and see if that makes a difference? It took a good 18m for mine to outgorw their reflux, eating more food helped a bit but it's more a case of the sphincter muscle at the top of their throat getting stronger, which takes time.

Have you tried tilting the cot? 2 large books at the head end. The slight tilt means gravity helps the reflux.

My eldest was very prem- and had very severe reflux.

She was under the care of a senior consultant and it took several changes of medication to get it right for her. Eventually, milk thickner and 2 types of medication, at different times of day got it under control- but it took a few goes at working this out with the consultants help. Then the screaming stopped.

Omeprazole takes a while to work and a while to stop working when you wean off. Did you stop it on medical advice? If not, I would start it again. I am on it long term and I think I will be on it forever. The pain of reflux is horrendous.

It does sound like reflux. Maybe get the omeprazole prescribed again and thicken her formula at night as well. If she is weaned try to avoid all acidic foods

Hi,

Firstly you are doing really well. Secondly, it will get better.

I would also scrap the gym unless you are finding it helpful to your general wellbeing. You can pick it back up in a month or two when things are improving.

Totally agree with other posters, you need to get back infront of a gp about your 6m old. In the mean time, feed super slowly and keep the little one as up right as possible.

Also, tell your in laws that you think your toddler is now old enough to have 'grandparent days' or even sleepovers if you can manage it. Just keep going on about strengthening the quality of the relationship between them and your toddler. No need to make it about you needing help if that's a sore topic.

Absolutely reach out to home start. You don't need any kind of referral, just pick up the phone. They are lovely.

(I might get bashed for this but...) For your husband, I'd have a conversation about reasonable expectations during this tricky period. So like: 'every week, the minimum I need from you is xyz'. Of course that goes both ways. If he wants sex once a week, you could be like, 'ok, i need an hour beforehand to have a bath and listen to music with my headphones in' or whatever would help you get in the mood. Equally think about what needs to be on your list for him. It might seem a bit transactional, and I guess it is, but you will both feel heard and have your minimum needs met. My feeling is you'll both be happier for it.

This is not forever.

Is it common for it to come back again ? It seemed fine for a while. Hence we took her off omeprazole on doctors advice. I know it's not terrible, but it does have its downsides too. The doctor decided to try taking her off it and she seemed ok. Then the crying got worse again, mostly at night and I thought it was more a regression and teething.

dont bother with the gym
be kind to yourself.

In terms of weaning this baby, she really isn't interested in food at all. It's difficult to get her to take much food at all. She's just turned 6 months last week, so hopefully it should improve. Everyone says the more food they eat, the better the reflux situation becomes.
Yes definitely digestive issues, is she bothered by light? Looking to be held a lot? Does movement help? Rocking or in a buggy?
my DS as above cried all the time, he was very high needs, not trying to frighten you but his digestive and sensory issues eventually lead to an autism diagnosis.
Please return to the gp.
If she is on formula change to the comfort type. All major brands will have the formula in comfort milk.
Good luck.

Leave baby and toddler with H for the day and night at the weekend (i.e. now) and go and book yourself into a hotel.

When you come back your H can tell you how easy it is to look after them both.

@CurlsandSwirls

so glad to hear I wasn’t the only one doing this!! I used to take some very long nap drives in the car with the radio on just to get a few minutes to myself ! .. it does get better thankfully! Basically when they start school..

All of my 5 kids never really cried. Lots of cuddles and holding them before they even started. You just gonna have to have a hip baby maybe.

Your toddler probably feels exactly as you do. Exhausted and desperate. If you can attack the situation on all fronts things might improve a bit. I would prioritise getting baby back on omeprazole, prop the cot up a little. Look for the best white noise you can find to protect toddler from the noise at night. Walk everybody outside as much as possible.
Sorry your husband and your in laws are so unhelpful. Would he take toddler to stay at his parents overnight when he is home?

If she's screaming but not puking it could be silent reflux so meds would help. Ask GP if you can try it because no one is sleeping. Exhaustion will make her and toddler worse.

If he's pestering for sex but not helping around the house what actual use is he? You need to tell him you're struggling and he's CONTRIBUTING to that by pestering you for sex and not doing his share with the kids. When he has a day off, he needs to take HIS kids and give you a break. When YOU feel like sex, you'll let him know. Any house work that needs doing needs to be done between you because you're both working full time right now.

Re gym, do you get a rush from the exercise / the break or is it something you feel compelled to do so you can be slim again faster because that what's expected?

How old is your baby OP?
you’re not alone. I’ve got a 20m DD and 5m DS - from the start, he was a high need baby - severe reflux and milk allergy. To be fair his first 3 months of life, it’s a blur to me - constant visits at the GP, hospital and never ending crying. The moment he turned 12 weeks, things started turning - the crying stopped, he would spend 2 hrs playing by himself on a matt. For the past 2 months however, we barely get any sleep at night due to CONSTANT and I mean constant wake ups- every hour or so. It’s tough. It’s the toughest job on the planet to be fair and it makes me miss my job, which was fairly demanding at a time but nothing comparing to this.

is there any way your partner can have the baby so you can have a bath, listen to a podcast with a glass of wine, or simply have a nap? Those things help massively. I’m still in the thick of it, but thinking to myself THIS TOO SHALL PASS. And it will.

CMPA baby is so difficult. First year of my DC2 life was horrendous for my mental health. Any chance something else is going on alongside it? My DC2 had a cat allergy and we had cats. So that was actually worse for them than the CMPA. Once we rehomed the cats everything improved. I would recommend going to a kinesiologist and having your DC tested for allergies and intolerances. Have never been wrong with my DC and a year later when the NHS referrals come through they just confirm what I have found out 6 months previous from a kinesiologist.

My screaming baby had cmpa
Cutting out milk and thr max dose of omeprazole saved my sanity, i know how AWFUL it is x

I also used a chiropractor - not sure if it helped but might have

I also found a swing helped him as it took his mind if his tummy. Just a basic mothercare one