At my wits end with baby crying - I keep losing it and screaming

[babysoss]

I don't scream at her, just nearby to release tension somehow. Does anyone else do this ?

She's just screaming all the time, at all hours at night and I don't know what to do. On top of that I have a toddler constantly tantruming. Which is just not getting better. Doing anything with her is exhausting, because she throws herself on the floor and a screams EVERY TIME she does not get her way.

She goes to nursery some of the time thankfully, but still, it's a nightmare.

On top of that, I really need to lose weight, as I look like some kind of cow and I'm trying to get myself to the gym most days. It's exhausting when you need to be up every few hours in the night.

I break down frequently.

Husband is away a lot on business trips etc. so it's basically all down to me. Then husband is frustrated and grumpy because of the lack of sex.

I might have missed this, how old is baby?

When my children were small I used to put them in the crèche at the gym and sit in the sauna and the jacuzzi. Or just sit in the cafe and drink tea and read. If it's this kind of gym and you can use the crèche time to restore and relax then you should hit it hard!

Is there any way you can change the sleep
locations so baby doesn’t wake toddler at least? Even if it’s sleeping downstairs with her or something for a bit?

6 months

Babies pick up on your tension. Have a relaxing bath, relaxing lighting , music and try to relax. I remember doing a lot of gentle back patting and " I know" with my colicky babies, pacing up and down.

If your husband has enough energy to complain about a lack of sex in your relationship when you're dealing with all of this, he needs to be doing more.

Tell him to get up with the baby at weekends so you can sleep, wrangle the toddler on his days at home, clean the house and cook meals for everyone. And if he still wants to complain about not enough sex after doing that lot for a few weeks, you might feel more inclined to take his complaints seriously. At the moment, I would make it clear to him that you're in a position where you see sex with him as just another 'chore' (but an unnecessary one) and it's up to him to change that.

Your DH sounds like he's making a shitty period even worse. He either needs to step up and support, you need to throw money at plugging the support gap he's not filling,or you're going to break.

I agree with the poster saying your children are behaving age appropriate but your husband is not.
Pestering for sex isn't the right response here - doesn't he see that a rested, supported wife correlates to sex?

Why are you even giving headspace to your husband being pissed off with you over sex?! He isn’t worried you’re at the end of your tether. Selfish arsehole. Sex is the LAST thing you need to be thinking about right now.

Can you use white noise in toddler's room to try and protect from the sound of baby crying?
I agree with everyone saying long walks outside is the best way to lose the weight.
Does your baby have any meds at night for reflux?
I am sorry it sounds so hard. Your husband needs to step up and help with his children.

You’ve had some good advice here but I just wanted to add that I spent a lot of time with at least one earbud in listening to podcasts/music/radio when dd was driving me up the wall. Trail the lead down your back. It really helped me retain a semblance of sanity to have a bit of the world for me to hide in.

I think my ' grace period ' has come to an end.

I think a lot of people ( husband included ) would assume I should just be able to manage it. Especially as toddler is in nursery and I'm on maternity leave. So it's like, well, one is at nursery, she's on maternity leave - I do have a cleaner once a week too.. she's going to the gym with a crèche... why can't she manage ? A lot of women manage with a lot more. I think that's what a lot of people, including my husband think.

Just to say you’re doing great under incredibly challenging demands.

My toddler had a bad morning yesterday and screamed for about 25 mins solid and I was a wreck after- heart racing, incredibly tense and the only thing stopping me yelling tbh was it was the school run and everyone looking.

Don’t feel you’re bad for wanting to yell, it’s incredibly natural and you’re doing great by holding it together

Don’t worry about the gym. Can you put baby in a sling and toddler in a buggy and get the steps in. It can seem overwhelming at first but I used to wrap us all up and do an hour. Baby would settle and toddler would chill/ sleep and it did get the pounds off. Even 15 mins would help.

Please push the GP for advice and try anything that helps you cope. Ask for help and remind DH how hard this is for you. Be honest. It will pass and in 6 months time things will be brighter but you need any coping mechanisms to get you through.

Go back to GP and ask for omeprazole (Losec). It's effective for reflux. Silent refluxers gain weight fine, but they're in pain constantly - esp when laid on their back. See a different GP if you can. Others have seen improvement raising one end of the cot, or (and this is against Lullaby Trust advice) I know those who got so desperate they put their reflux babies to sleep on their tummies with a breathing monitor strapped to their bellies. Although if yours is 6 months presumably they can roll? Are they sitting up yet? Sitting really helped my silent refluxer, as did finding their thumb to suck. Consider a dummy if they haven't found theirs yet. I'd also put gym on hold for now - there will be plenty of time to lose weight once baby is sleeping better (and good sleep for you is one of the best things for maintaining a healthy weight, anyway). Good luck!

Oh and it's totally fine to use ear buds/plugs while baby is crying. You'll still near them if course, bit it takes the edge off... although I know it's still really hard.

Hi OP,
Your husband needs to book some annual leave to help you to rest and sleep.

Depending on his job and how he is allowed to take his leave a day each week for a while would be great but whatever he can get will do.

He needs to be clear he is off to have the children as much as possible and allow you to rest and sleep. If baby won’t settle with him at night you need to sleep in the day. Sleep is the reason it is so hard and why no amount of creche while you use the gym is helping - you need sleep. Even in a demanding job I am sure your husband usually gets a nights (or days) sleep and he needs to help you to get the same.

If your husband taking annual leave is for some reason not possible or the money is available then you could use a childminder a day or two a week and catch up on sleep in the day.

This period is about just getting through anyway that you can.

Keep baby upright for at least 15 mins after feeding and see if that helps but agree with other posters, go to the GP, even if they have dismissed you before. I have received such varying levels of care within my GP practice depending on which doctor I see. I now know which ones to avoid and which ones will take me seriously. A constantly screaming baby is NOT normal and you can help them. Good luck OP. Parenting is HARD try to be kind to yourself.

I haven't had time to read the whole thread - sorry - but have you been in touch with Homestart? They may be able to help.

Go to the gym purely for the crèche and find somewhere to relax/snooze/do admin, even if you end up passing out on a comfy sofa in the cafe.

Or cancel the gym and use the money to get a babysitter for a few extra hours during the day (eg thru Bubble app). If you have spare money get a night nanny a few times a week/month, husband should pay as he's the one giving you zero help at night.

Could you ask any friends to help? Send out an SOS and see if anyone can come to entertain the toddler/baby while you rest. Most mums know how hard this stage is and if they have any time should be happy to help.

Try to see friends for walks or go to their house. And for friends that you can't meet up with arrange a time to speak on headphones while you walk or do chores. Regular long chats with other adults kept me sane, and I tried to combine with doing laundry, feeding baby, cleaning etc.

Why are you putting up with your ohtreating you like shit?

Why are you going to the gym when you are exhausted?

Put your toddler in nursery more days and get some help

Tell your oh if he continues wanting to work away then he needs to take over completely when he comes home and he can stop being pissed off and pestering you for sex

Reach out to your HV

Don’t beat yourself up for finding it hard, it is hard. Babies crying is almost unbearable and it’s often much harder for the mother to listen to - we’re programmed that way. 10 minutes of research and your husband could find that out.

You are doing great and reaching out for help and support is a real strength. Go easy on yourself and tell him to as well. If he did more with the kids, he’s realise the challenges of meeting the needs of 2 very small people!

Forget about losing weight now.

Go to the gp and be persistent.

My DS cried non stop he had a internal hernia, digestive problems, sensory issues.

I felt like dying at the time.

If you've to phone gp daily do it.

And recognise that you've got dealt a tough hand of cards through no fault of anyone's. You have a stroppy toddler and a refluxy/CMPA baby. Yes other people might have less help and "cope" but (a) they probably are lucky to have less shouty children who sleep far better and (b) if they don't, they're probably totally miserable but hiding it.

There will be easier times with your particular kids but this is most probably the worst stage and you definitely need all the help you can get/afford at this stage.

Why does your DH not want to help his wife and children's mother get the support she needs to help get everyone through this really tough stage of parenting. If he doesn't then he's a dick.

Hi OP, and it’s not just you (this is such a difficult stage).

Sometimes work is actually easier than this. I wonder whether you would be better off cutting your maternity leave short and putting baby into nursery to give you a break. The baby may become less clingy and the nursery may be able to get him/her into a better routine or come up with solutions which would also help at home.

How are the baby's nappies, is she showing signs of constipation? My GC has CPMA she started on lactulose, at six months, GP prescribed. She later got diagnosed with bowel issues, which explains why she cried (pain) and wouldn't be put down. We kept her in a sling until a year old. We'd use the pram for putting the shopping in. All in, it's tough having a baby with issues and a toddler, you are often just surging until they get a bit older.