Navigating life as a shy/quiet/introverted person

[Freehotchocolate]

I am all of those things to an extent. I find very outgoing/extroverted/loud people intimidating, even if they are nice to me. I don't know why I just do.
I was in a pub with my partner and a couple of his friends. The friend is quite a bit older and very 'wild'.

Didn't finish oops!
Anyway I was sitting on a chair and the friend comes up and starts doing some random dance to me. I really didn't know how to react so I just laughed, and he went 'Aww, bless." 🙄 Found that so patronising.

Apparently quiet people couldn't possibly enjoy certain types of music, clubbing, e

Typing on my phone is getting really annoying!!
Anyway I've had the 'aww, bless' a few times.
I'm a teacher and some people 'can't imagine that' either 🙄 I guess I should only ever be a librarian.
As I get older I'm getting more confident towards these people in some ways, in others I'm not. I'm just actively avoiding people who have to make a fuss about me being quiet or whatever.
I get told, "You're shy aren't you! Why are you shy?"
In the past I'd have just laughed nervously and said, "I don't know" but certainly not anymore.
My partner is very sociable and extroverted (he does have shy moments too) but loves me as I am luckily. We do get some, "Ooh you're very different aren't you!" Type comments.
I've been rejected twice in the past for being shy/quiet whatever.
I try to work on it but ultimately it's who I am. Sometimes I feel like it's seen as some sort of disease.
How do others deal with it? Did you come to accept it? Do people treat you differently?

I'm very outgoing but I'd pick up on your shyness and wouldn't dream of invading your space or drawing unwanted attention to you .
I am surprised your a teacher though because I always assumed they would be so confident with having to deal with many pupils and especially their parents.I'd never have the confidence for that.

It’s hard and sometimes excruciating.
Avoidance is my defence mechanism.
So for me, no way on gods green earth would I be in any pub with anyone especially not extrovert strangers.
My social exposure is limited, very carefully planned and with clearly thought out self enforced rules.
BUT I now push my limits as I have entered a new world that insists on social interaction.
I am confident enough to be a great introvert within this world though.
Im sure it’s a form of masking to fit in to some extent.

I'm very introverted and quiet too - I wish I was more talkative and less socially awkward. I do get on fine with most people but i've had some people behave towards me in a way I find baffling. Pointing out loudly to the group how quiet I am and making comments like "if you don't shut up I'll smack you one, HAHA." Most extroverts dont do this of course, just a minority of wankers. I'm not rude or unfriendly, I join in conversation and gave a laugh, I'm just naturally quiet, especially if im working and concentrating on something, and I find small talk harder than others seem to I guess. I feel your pain. Remember the issue is with them, not you.

People just seriously lack imagination..
I don't drink either and I've never touched a drug in my life which sends shockwaves through the room..
Yeah, i did wonder why a 55 year old man thought it would be a good idea to come and gyrate in front of me , but hey ho.
My boyfriend's friends are all mega extroverted party animals, they all see me as 'very sweet'. Even though I'm older than most of them, I just don't fit into that sort of world at all.
Glad to hear others feel the same, and that I'm not alone.

I do

Ffs.. ido

I don’t think disliking someone dancing in your face makes you unusually introverted, or him particularly extroverted. He’s just an attention seeking twat and you’re normal.

I don’t drink or do drugs either. Sometimes people will ask if I’m shy and I just say ‘no, not really.’ I’m not shy, I’m just not really super duper chatty.

Feel more confident in a classroom with children for some reason than a social situation.

Yeah, that's a good point.
It's weird how people ask. I've had that when I've replied, "No im not really" and they'll go "Yes you are!" Inside I'm like just leave me alone for god's sake...

Introversion and shyness are two different things, but they often seem to be conflated.

I would never say I’m shy, I have a senior role and my job requires me to deliver advice to very senior people, and I have no problem talking to a room full of people. But..I find people exhausting. At lunchtime I like to disappear on my own and recharge. I have to force myself sometimes to sit with my team and chat, but ideally I want to be alone with my thoughts.

I’m not everyone understands the difference between shyness and introversion.

I find loud pubs etc. Very hard work, it's hard enough having what could be deemed as an interesting or fun conversation in a quieter place but especially hard when you have to shout to be heard.
Sometimes I feel that irl I don't know many other people who are like me, I feel like I'm the only one. (my Dad is shy too though) so it's nice to see the replies on here

I'm naturally shy. I'm confident, happy with small talk and banter etc, I just enjoy being quiet and I'm very private so I don't tend to 'give away' information about myself.

I find it baffling sometimes the level of detail my colleagues go into chatting away about their lives. I don't mind, but my barriers are naturally a bit narrower!

I can fake being less shy quite easily but it's exhausting. Though, I think those of us that are shy are at risk of appearing 'rude' and 'cold' by some extroverts so I try and guage situations and give myself a big push to interact when needed.

Your grinding guy sounds awful and definitely patronising. Next time it happens, reply with 'you're a funny cunt, aren't you?' And watch the shock on their face as their preconceptions dissolve!

Have you read ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain or looked at her Ted talks? When I read her book, I found it so affirming. It stopped me seeing being introverted as somehow a flaw or less desirable than being an extrovert. I really recommend it.

I found the book Quiet helped me to see that my introvert personality can be an asset rather than a weakness. Which is how it is viewed by alot of society.

I'm an outgoing, sociable, confident introvert.
Ie, I'm happiest alone, find people overwhelming, and need lots of down time on my own to recharge and feel mentally well.
My entire career I've had the "You're quiet" comments. Until my mid 30s, that is, when I reached a point where I started killing it in the corporate world. By being quiet and considered, and listening and watching, and taking everything in, it turned out I had the edge on my peers.
So now, when someone does the whole "You're quiet" thing, I just think "You'd be wise to not underestimate me, gobshite, because I'm coming for you".

Just picking up on your assumption that someone who is shy is somehow less capable of dealing with different types of people. Not all extroverts are good with people and some can be self centred.

I'm not shy but I am quite introverted and let me tell you it is a rarity in a world made for extroverts, so be proud of yourself not succumbing to a world that wants you to be louder and larger than life!

I would say once I get to know people I often come out of my shell a bit. I am a great judge of character, I like to sit back and observe people, read between the lines, watch what people do not just what they say sort of person and this means I don't suffer fools gladly. Usually.

I would say however that sometimes my introverted personality has led me to missing out on opportunities especially in my career, I have held myself back, despite being more deserving of a promotion than the person who got it or missing out on a better opportunity, I have often felt if I was more confident I'd have done better. I admire the self belief of confident people. I think it gets them places that my lack of confidence/esteem holds me back.

I sometimes find when I am with an extrovert, I feel nervous, a little socially awkward and then I really go into myself and struggle to relax and be myself this often leads to people misunderstanding me and thinking I'm snobby/boring etc.I've been known to stutter if I get asked a question on the spot. Sometimes on the occasional day I feel sociable, I become quite chatty and can appear confident but find it exhausting.

Once an old boss who was a larger than life personality, recognised my quietness/introverted personality and in the middle of a meeting singled me out and told me to stand up and make a Baaaa noise like a sheep in front of everyone in the conference room, laughing as he said it...I remember thinking what on earth, why would he do this, turns out extroverts struggle with introverts that don't succumb to the social pressure they put on them. I never laughed at his jokes, or enjoyed his 'banter' in the office so he didn't like it and took it upon himself to try humiliate me knowing I struggled in social/situations of speaking in front of others. Needless to say, I, naively stood to my feet and Baaa'd like a sheep in front of a conference room of 16 people, who looked on at me horrified. Then that night I cried all the way home on the train with my head buried in a book. One of the other team members reported him and he got sacked for that among other things. But to this day it has haunted me that why do loud confident people need to pick on those who aren't like them.

Yes, this.

I am introverted but not shy. I have no problems interacting with people but I find it tiring.

Lol

I honestly think your BF’s friend sounds less like an extrovert and more like a bit of a twat, honestly.

I’m a quiet extrovert - I love being around other people and having company, but I don’t put myself forward in big groups, I’m happy to just listen to everyone else. I’m more than happy to do public speaking/presentations etc, just not desperate to be the centre of attention or particularly good at small talk with strangers. Very chatty with people I know though.

This whole “oooh you’re so QUIET! And SHY!” stuff while dancing in front of your face just sounds like they are fucking 5 or something. Really immature and annoying. Do they also announce “I’m mad, me!” or have a mug that says “you don’t have to be mad to work here but it helps!!” That’s the kind of person they sound like. Insufferable. Honestly I’d have asked them what the fuck they were playing at and told them to get the fuck out of my face.

Yes great advice telling her to use foul language that will really make her look good won't it.

I'm definitely more introvert than extrovert. I need my quiet space during the day to recharge. But I definitely enjoy other peoples company and find I do better in groups than one to one, unless it's a very close friend

I work in a corporate environment, in a big business and have to get on well with others to do my job well. I have to really put effort in at being sociable and collaborative. I make real effort to go and talk to people, when in reality I'd much rather sit in front of my laptop and tap away. I used to be scared to speak up in meetings but now it's fine, because I've really worked at that too to build up my confidence

So my point is ... accept that you are introvert, you can't change. But do really work at being sociable because it does pay off. A lot. I've found

I'm an extrovert and I wouldn't dream of doing something like that.

People really don't seem to understand what introversion and extroversion mean. Introverts gain energy and recharge from alone time, extroverts gain energy and recharge from being around other people. It hasn't really got anything to do with being loud or a party animal. Unfortunately you just encountered an attention seeking twat!