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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be p****d off that having another child would throw us into poverty

106 replies

chocolatemummy · 29/01/2008 10:43

My dd is 4 now and I was never sure about having another one, found the whole experience fluctuated me from madness to untopia and very stressful.
Now, I realize that I actually think I could quite like to have another one in a couple of years sors so before I'm too old. For me, for my dd who would love it I know and my dh who loves children.
I just know that having one child has thrown us into debt and put massive strain on our relationship because of money worries and we are so looking forward to her starting school and no more nursery fees!
To have another would surely push us over the edge and I resent that

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 16:34

Right, for those of you who seem to be sceptical here is a rough outline of situation:

Mortgage-just over £680 per month
Insurances Home/contents/life/2 cars- £180
Childcare for one child £548
Overdraft/loan and credit card payments: (mainly built up when made redundant and 5 months without our main income) £385
General bills Elec/gas/water/Tv licence/phone etc £220
Council tax £143
Petrol £250+
Food and groceries £250+
that makes an approx amount of £2656
our total monthly income is about £2600
We earn reasonable money and I know that to some people £2600 oer month is alot but as others have said, its relative to outgoings.
I know people who are in debt for thousands more than us and much higher mortgage than us, thats why i started this thread because I know our situation is tight but better than alot of others and I don't know how you cope.

OP posts:
hifi · 31/01/2008 16:46

running 2 cars is very expensive, couldnt you manage with one?

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 17:33

no because i work 20 miles away from where I live and am an essential car user in my job and my dh works several miles away too and has to collect dd from nursery after work.

I think we have pretty much the same expenses as most and once we have managed to clear the last of the debst (a couple of years tops) and dd starts school we should be around £700 per month better off. AND dh has sorted out a better job hopefully

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 17:44

ROLL ON september, actually when I put it all down like I just did, it makes me feel even worse lol. we did manage to pay £50,000 off our mortgage a year ago though as we moved from down south to the midlands and with things the way they I am so bloody glad we did! ...........I know we'll be alright in the end

OP posts:
Desiderata · 31/01/2008 17:51

You most certainly don't have the same expenses as me

£250 a month on petrol What are you driving?

lljkk · 31/01/2008 18:02

I'm surprised you pay that much for nursery, chocolatemum, assuming your DD qualifies for LEA funded sessions. Since I gather you don't live in the Southeast? Ditto for council tax.
There are people on MN who manage to feed a family of 3 for less, might be room to save a bit there and pay off the debts faster.

Without that debt repayment, you could manage to fund another child. Any scope to reduce interest rates on any parts of it? You mentioned overdrafts, I thought their interest rates were ridiculous.

MABS · 31/01/2008 18:07

£250 on petrol is not high when she drives on business, I spend more than that and none of it is work I'm afraid.

sprogger · 31/01/2008 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 31/01/2008 18:22

I wasn't being critical of how she acquired the debt, sprogger, I was trying to constructively suggest that it was the most valuable thing to tackle if possible! Not everyone on the thread is having a go...

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 18:36

well just going to work and back 5 days a week is 200 miles per week and thats just for me!

yes I am hoping to get our overdraft transfered to a load with our bank so less interest

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 31/01/2008 18:54

We had 3 within 4 years which made the childcare cost (nanny looking afer all 3) better value and then I had twins so again you're saving on childcare as the nanny is paid the same whether it's 1 or 2 babies. Could one of you take a second job or get a better paid job?

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 20:04

yes My dh is studying at the moment to try and improve his job situation/earning potential. I am also a couple of months away from starting a new job as mine is a fixed term contract so I should be bringing in a bit more then, Its mainly the aftermath of redundancy, before we had a child and I got made redundant we never even had an overdraft nevermind a credit card! the combination of both is what threw into mayhem. I am just not used to being in debt and its scary to me. But I can see light at the end of the tunnel, atleast we are able to pay these things off, we are paying as much as poss at the moment, more than we have to, to get things cleared ASAP

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 20:17

ANYWAY, I started this thread out of a bit of frustration and just to see if other people found everyday living costs a struggle and if it puts them off having more kids!?
I have ended up telling everyone my whole life hstory and earnings just to address all my criticisms!
thats enough now lol

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 31/01/2008 20:18

It is said that to live a comfortable life in the south east with a family & a holiday a year you need to earn 50k or up, i heard this on the radio about 6 months ago.

It's ok comparing your wages but when rent or even morgage prices round the south east are more than £1000 a month before anything else it's alot of money compared to others who may live north & pay £400-£500 a month.

We have 2 kids & we struggle, it's hard, you have to accept it won't be easy & you can't have it all, having 2 children was more important to me than living the high life or going on massive holidays etc.

I will have my time when my kids are grown up or even when they start school, if we can live on dp's wage (it's a struggle but we do it) then anything i can earn when i can work will be a bonus.

Sometimes you have to suffer a bit in life, it depends on what you want.

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 20:23

thankyou, thats what I said, you need to earn £50k a year etc and i got slaughtered, and when we did live down south our mortgage WAS £1000 a month so thats why we left and it didnt take long with outgoings like that to get in a mess.
Anyway........enough already. Its tough for everyone i think (in the real world) but I look at people like Cheryl and Ashley Cole and Amy Whitehouse, Britney etc etc and think, money or happiness, fame or normalness...and I know what I'd choose

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 31/01/2008 20:24

Your petrol seems quite high could you get a smaller engine car to save some money?

We have 2 cars but haveing a low engine size is essential for us now dp will be commuting to work.

Do you not get any help with your nursery fee's?

ScoobyDoo · 31/01/2008 20:27

Prices in the south east are just stupid, we are moving out of here in about 2 weeks.

I would however say that when we tried for our 2nd baby we could not really afford it but it has worked & she has fitted in, i think if you want a family have one you will get through it somehow.

You will get tax credits & child benefit & help with your child care, or as someone else said maybe a nanny is an option as cheaper?

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 20:27

that was for me AND dh, I only have a new micra lol, prob put about £40 per week in and dh about £30 thats not that high I dont think?

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 31/01/2008 20:30

I am not sure as i don't commute i put about £15 a week in my focus for general use.

Dp has just got a Corsa which is 1.0 so will extra cheap for his 30 miles commute each way, each day!

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 20:33

yeah is the 40 mile daily communt I do that kills it for me and dh has a 20 mile daily commute so healthy 60 miles plus a day betweeen us with nursery trips etc on top.
BUT I am soon changing jobs and new job is 1.5 miles from home YIPPEEE!!!

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 31/01/2008 20:34

CM, we decided we could afford the time or the money for another child - even though I would have loved one. It's tough really. I think your assessment of your income and expenditure is really sensible.

Original poster
chocolatemummy · 31/01/2008 20:38

think you meant you decided you Couldn't lol ?
thankyou, I don't think I am being heartless or selfish or anything other than sensible, maybe in a couple of years our financial position will be much better and we can do it? WHO KNOWS

OP posts:
scattyspice · 31/01/2008 20:40

Chocolatemummy, I think you've answered you're own question. By the sounds of it by next year you should be able to afford a second child without further fincancial trouble.

I can understand your frustration and I think when you have experienced redundancy you are bound to be more cautious.

I think most people are going to find their money doesn't go so far soon.

Good Luck.

shatteredmumsrus · 31/01/2008 20:48

My opinion is that you will always manage and cope as wel as you can in that situation but maybe you could try and get as much cash as you can before the baby #2

ScoobyDoo · 31/01/2008 20:49

That will save you money just changing your job & droping the commute.