Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to be p****d off that having another child would throw us into poverty

106 replies

chocolatemummy · 29/01/2008 10:43

My dd is 4 now and I was never sure about having another one, found the whole experience fluctuated me from madness to untopia and very stressful.
Now, I realize that I actually think I could quite like to have another one in a couple of years sors so before I'm too old. For me, for my dd who would love it I know and my dh who loves children.
I just know that having one child has thrown us into debt and put massive strain on our relationship because of money worries and we are so looking forward to her starting school and no more nursery fees!
To have another would surely push us over the edge and I resent that

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 29/01/2008 14:26

And her MIL lives in their "granny annex" and she is in good health so she has childcare on her doorstep.
Yes, i suppose i'm a bit jealous [envy}.
AB

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 29/01/2008 14:32

sorry if thats a volatile response but I don't think I am wrong in feeling a bit angry and restricted that if we want a decent lifestyle for ourselves and our children thesedays we have to earn £50,000 plus these days which is not the normal wage

OP posts:

juuule · 29/01/2008 14:34

Ripeberry you do sound all bitter and twisted with jealousy.
You have no idea how they manage their finances.
You assume that she is lying and must be on benefits.
'She must be raking it in in child benefit'. As far as child benefit goes she gets as much as you do per child to help towards that child.
Oh and if she has 6 children to care for, then she does have a job.

sparklesandwine · 29/01/2008 14:35

chocolatemummy - i understand what your saying the general cost of living does affect our personal decisions and it shouldn't

The cost of childcare is astronomical here compared to other countries and there is fuck all we can do about it!

I'm sorry that your in this situation, what does your DH think?

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 29/01/2008 14:40

well he knows and says the same thing, we couldnt afford it, we need to clear our debst not build up more etc etc. BUt he would have another 5 if I would, he loves children and as ia fab dad.
He is currently looking at retraining so he can get better earning potential and the pressure is not so much on me to earn the main income.
Might not even have another its just that I am feeling like I want one now and even though it eouldnt be for another couple of years I am worried about the financial impact already which pisses me off because I ama decent, hard working parent and why shouldnt I have another

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 29/01/2008 14:40

Ripeberry

Your attitude is a bit shite, imo

juuule · 29/01/2008 14:42

If you really want another, you will find a way. Lots of people have to adjust their lives to include another child.

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 29/01/2008 14:43

I am off now but please carry on because i will check it later and think its a very valid diffculty at the moment for lots of us, certainly many young working couple I know

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 29/01/2008 14:45

Ripberry, I can see your frustrations but you need to be a bit more dicreet and make less assumptions, especially on Mumsnet as you'll be slaughtered lovey lol

OP posts:

juuule · 29/01/2008 14:50

I think it's a valid concern for most people. But as has been said amongst people we know - if you wait until you think you can afford a child then you will never have one. Which isn't to say that you should be reckless but there is only so much you can do and there will always be something that you feel you need to spend your money on.
And somewhat at 50,000 plus before you can have children.

notnowbernard · 29/01/2008 14:57

Chocolatemummy, as I said earlier, I am not flush. Money is a bit tight at the mo.

I have 2 dds. I don't really think going from 1-2 made that much difference, financially. Like someone else said, dd2 had everything she needed from dd1. They share a bedroom (we have a 2-bed place, no spare room). We didn't need to 'up-grade' the car. By the time dd2 is ready for nursery dd1 will be in school. I do appreciate your comments re childcare, it sounds like a tricky situation for you.

I think if you really want another child you should go for it. In the grand scheme of things, the money doesn't matter (if you do things because you truly want to, it won't matter anyway!)

Put it this way... fast forward 15 years. Will you regret the decision made to not have a baby?

Or will you regret the decision made to have a baby?

I don't reckon there are many (sane) people who look at their children thinking, "Yep, we really buggered up by having you, didn't we?" IYKWIM

boabsmum · 29/01/2008 14:58

50K?? on what planet exactly?

Dh earns around 30K, we feel we are very comfortable - enough to eat, warm house (our own), days and meals out, clean and well clothed children and no debts apart from a mortgage.

I'm an SAHM and expecting no3. We just don't buy "Stuff", we buy things we need or save up for those that are a bit more special. We're careful but not tight I don't think.

For us it's a question of priorities. But maybe we're missing out on a life with a fat wallet? Maybe we could be even happier if we just had loadsamoney?

sparklesandwine · 29/01/2008 14:58

juuule - i agree that if you really do want more you will find a way to afford it. We manage with 4 on DP's single wage (which isn't massive compared to what it would be if we had joint income!) you do just get there in the end!

expatinscotland · 29/01/2008 15:02

£50K?!

Wow!

If you really want one, you find a way to afford it.

notnowbernard · 29/01/2008 15:02

I think we sometimes confuse what we need with what we want.

"I need a phone up-grade" (no I don't really, current one works perfectly... I just believe I need one, whereas actually I want one)

sparklesandwine · 29/01/2008 15:03

mind you i don't really think i can comment about budgeting with DC as we have quite a big debt (although ours was caused by our own careless attitude to living expenses which we have now thankfully evaluated with lots of help from MNers!!)

FAQ · 29/01/2008 15:09

50k!!!

bl**dy hell - we have 3 children - (couldn't afford the 2nd or 3rd, but fate has it's ways and we've got the 3). We have a combined income of around 30k - most of which is swallowed up paying nearly 25k of debt off - I'd estimate that over 1/2 our current income is currently being used just to pay off debts. Which means - in actual fact we could live on 15k-20k quite comfortably with 3 children.

I agree with expat - if you really want another you'll find a way to afford it.

needmorecoffee · 29/01/2008 15:10

we're on 20K with 4 kids and don't feel 'impoversihed'. We have enough to eat, have a TV and satellite, clothes to wear etc. Kids are only as expensive as you make them. Baby stuff can be had for second hand and children enjoy a camping holiday far more than some posh trip to Thailand. They are also happier with a parents time than tons of consumer items.
Sure, we can't afford those posh creams or a car or ''fashionable' clothes but since when does that make life miserable?
If you do actually want a child then you find a way and you figure out what is important and what you actually 'need' rather than 'want'

Will you regret not having another child in 10 years time even if you do have nice clothes and a fancy car?

nappyaddict · 29/01/2008 15:16

does your daughter's school offer breakfast/after school clubs? surely if she's at school when you have your second you wil lstill only have one set of fees to pay? a lot of people tell me 2 is less work cos they entertain one another.

JingleyJen · 29/01/2008 15:22

chocolatemummy - could Dh stay at home whilst you go out to work? if you are paying that much each month for childcare then whilst he is retraining then it could be a goer?

Our builder was saying this morning that he would give up everything he owns to go back in time and have children with his wife - they decided they couldn't afford it - then it was too late.

If you really want another baby you can make it work. may just take a little planning.

Quattrocento · 29/01/2008 15:40

Two is much much more work than one.

Yes children are expensive

Yes we struggle to afford two

But the only thing I regret about having children is not having more of them

FioFio · 29/01/2008 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 29/01/2008 15:50

So true, FioFio.

sparklesandwine · 29/01/2008 15:55

Very true FioFio

ssd · 29/01/2008 15:55

we're on less than 20k with 2 kids, we certainly can't afford them, but they are very wanted and thats more important

did the op say they earned 50k and she can't afford another child? surely not

Flip

1 2 3 4 5