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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to Christmas night out

39 replies

Tikeadoodle · 04/11/2022 09:01

I’m starting a new job on 1st December. The job is mostly wfh, with occasional days in the office (a 2 hour journey away)

Today I’ve just received an invite to the Christmas ball.

I know that I should go to “show face” but I absolutely hate work nights out: I have no idea how to dress up for them, I don’t drink alcohol so feel a bit out of place, and i won’t know anyone yet. It also means that I’ll need to fork out for a hotel (for various reasons, I will be a bit skint in December)

aibu bit to go?

OP posts:
skilpadde · 04/11/2022 09:04

You could just say thanks, but I already have plans for that evening.

Might be better received than your real reasons.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 04/11/2022 09:04

I'm not going to ours, just can't be bothered in all honesty. I've worked here for 20 years, I've been to 1!

Shgytfgtf111 · 04/11/2022 09:05

I never go on work Christmas nights. People I dont like + drink = bad combo

Bonatos · 04/11/2022 09:06

YABU. Every one I've been too has been tedious. Plus I feel like I can never actually let my hair down and enjoy it because, well, work colleagues! Perhaps say you've got other plans?

Bonatos · 04/11/2022 09:06

Sorry I mean YANBU

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/11/2022 09:06

Just say thanks, but you have a prior engagement. Many people find their December diaries filling up early, so I doubt it’ll raise any eyebrows.

Partypoooooper · 04/11/2022 09:07

It's party invitation not a court summons you absolutely anbu!!

BrioNotBiro · 04/11/2022 09:12

I think if you are having to fork out yourself, it's a good enough reason to make an excuse. You won't know anybody so it'll be awkward and a ball is not the sort of intimate evening where you chat and make contacts. Do a runner and don't feel bad!

Thatiswild · 04/11/2022 09:14

Just say you have plans - thank them for including you as it is nice they’re thinking of you.

Hbh17 · 04/11/2022 09:27

Work Xmas nights out are the 7th circle of hell - no idea why anyone goes. So YANBU to give this a miss.

emmathedilemma · 04/11/2022 09:28

I'm done with doing things because I think they're expected of me and i'm not going to mine even though it's only down the road on the bus and probably won't cost me a penny! Just tell them you already have plans.

Justlovedogs · 04/11/2022 10:16

Worked where I am for 18 months. Not going to Christmas do 'cos I can't afford it, simple as. However, I probably wouldn't go this year even if I could due to location of the venue.
Imo, socialising out of hours is only any good if you want to go.

PurpleButterflyWings · 04/11/2022 10:22

Going against the grain here. As you will have just started the job, it's a great way to get to know people/meet people. I think your colleagues may be a bit miffed and slighted if you refuse @Tikeadoodle

I was invited to a works Christmas do some 20 years ago, when I had only worked there for 3-4 months, and my DH was invited too. I was really chuffed to be invited, as it made me feel included and welcome.

JMHO, but I think it's a bit rude, and a bit of a snub to turn it down. You can turn down future offers sometimes, but to turn this down feels wrong IMO.

CherylCrows · 04/11/2022 10:26

I think being new means you should really try to go

It never looks great when people don’t bother with work events, especially when new and what better chance to actually meet people?

StuntPineapples · 04/11/2022 10:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ThinkingForEveryone · 04/11/2022 10:28

Entirely up to you, however you won't get to know people if you are not actually prepared to meet them, this is the perfect opportunity.
I love a work Christmas do! I have rarely missed any, if you genuinely can't afford it then obviously don't go but it does just sound to me like you can't be arsed 🤷‍♀️

3girlsmama · 04/11/2022 10:34

I think it's ok not to go but I'd arrange to drop in to the office during the month to meet people (bring festive treats!).

garlictwist · 04/11/2022 10:42

I also hate these things. I am shy and don't drink but I always make myself go because I think it looks good to make the effort and it's only once a year.

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 04/11/2022 10:45

I've lied and said I'm away the weekend of our office Christmas party. Mostly because I hate the type of venue they've picked and also I'm being cautious as I'll be flying 10 days later.

underneaththeash · 04/11/2022 10:49

Definitely go, it’s a new job and will be good to meet people. Arrive early and leave early. Drive so that you don’t need a hotel (and cite that as the excuse - oh I wasn’t able to stay overnight, so need to leave at 9.30.

losingit31 · 04/11/2022 10:59

If you're new and work from home, I suspect you won't be missed.

Beautiful3 · 04/11/2022 11:00

I used to say, " I'm sorry, I already have plans." No-one ever questioned me.

WeAreAllLionesses · 04/11/2022 11:07

We had a few new members of staff start after the Christmas party invitations had gone out, I re-sent it to them but it wasn't an issue at all whether they came or not. Three said yes, one said no - all fine.

Startuplife · 04/11/2022 11:09

I’d just lie and say you’re away for the weekend. I’ve just sent out invites to our work Christmas party and there’s quite a few people already booked up.

Kissingfrogs25 · 04/11/2022 11:10

I would say you have plans already for the evening, but you will drop in for a drink to meet everyone. Stay for one drink and leave quietly. It is a new job, so it is a good idea to make the effort.