To be really irritated by dishes

[whatkatydid2013]

Last night I put on the dishwasher after tea and I washed up last couple of pans that didn’t fit and put away. We have two women living with us currently (have been here 6 months so not just a visit) and after I went up they were cooking dinner. I came down this morning and even though the dishwasher would have finished while they were cooking rather than emptying and putting in their stuff or putting their stuff away they’ve washed up and left on side. I feel like a misery for being so irritated but I swear in 6 months they’ve emptied the dishwasher about 3 times total and never taken out the rubbish bins and inspite of reminders they forget to clean lint from dryer, add stuff that’s been used up from store cupboard to shopping list and if they use last teabag/coffee/sugar never refill the jars from stockpile in the less accessible cupboard. It’s small things but it’s getting on my last available nerve. Am I being unreasonable if I throw my toys out of the pram a bit over their minimal contribution to household tasks (particularly when we both work full time but one of them is a part time student) and say they have to start doing this stuff/writing up a rota to ensure they do?

Why are they living with you?

Yanbu though, have you asked them why they don't pull their weight?

So, they washed up the dishes they used?

I don’t know. People aren’t mind readers. They probably just prefer to hand wash their dishes.

If they are capable adults with no mobility issues then 100% yes, say something.

I say this because my MIL has been with us 4 months so I can relate. She only can stand in short bursts so if she's cooking I don't expect her to do tidying up or washing up etc.

I’d say something- maybe not throw toys out of the pram but nothing wrong with being clear and firm. When I was younger (not that I know how old they are) I’d have needed some of this stuff spelled out to me.

Lodgers? Your own children?

If not your own relatives then just ask them! If they are related you can probably get away with being a bit jokey about it before getting sterner.

Also, if it’s a flat share then I think you are being really uptight.

Depends what the situation is. Who are they? Paying lodgers/houseshare? Or relatives staying for free?

Also, they haven't emptied the dishwasher much but do they use it? Because in your post they didn't put anything in the dishwasher and chose to wash their dishes by hand so why would they empty your stuff?

For the bins you should have a rota.

Oh and the not adding things like teabags after using the last one could just be a difference of opinion in who does that. I once had a friendly disagreement with a work colleague about when the milk in the office fridge should be restocked. I felt that if you opened the fridge and there was no milk there then you went downstairs and got another. He felt that if you finished the milk you should be the one to walk downstairs and refill the fridge 🤷🏼‍♀️

But they washed up their stuff? I would say they need to wash up and dry and put straight away rather than leave out for you to put away

But if they didn’t use the dishwasher I don’t think they automatically should have to empty it.

Other stuff, yes they need to help refil stuff used and write down what ingredients need replacing

No it’s not a flat share. It’s our house (myself, hubby, 2 kids) & we have invited them to live with us for a year while they get themselves set up. I have said something on a number of occasions about things like cleaning out the lint and emptying water from dryer, adding stuff to shopping list if we run out, if bin full please don’t push stuff down just empty it, this is how dishwasher works. We have a cleaner who does their rooms as well as ours and we largely cook/eat separately as they are on a different timetable. I just wonder if it’s not sticking if I need to be more direct and draw up a rota. I don’t really want to but it seems better than getting to point OH & I are so irritated we can’t deal with sharing the house any longer.

They are staying with us for free. They do use the dishwasher. Their breakfast & lunch stuff was in it from yesterday but they’d washed up rather than emptying and putting their stuff in. They only used one pan/two plates so sure it’s easier & I wouldn’t expect them to do it all the time. It’s just we’ve come to realise they hardly ever do as whenever OH thinks they did it was pretty much always me and vice versa. I think I likely am being a bit unreasonable but it’s annoying me to a massive degree today

Have a meeting with them, list everything that you have mentioned here and make it very clear that this behaviour needs to change and if it doesn’t they will be given notice to vacate.

As they're staying for free then you can be a lot more picky about how things are done. Draw up a rota for chores such as emptying the dishwasher and doing the bins. Pull them up on not putting things on the shopping list every time they do it and make it very easy for them to do it (eg you could have a whiteboard on the fridge). If they carry on not adding things then tell them they'll have to buy their own things and clear out one cupboard for them. Tell them you expect them to refill empty jars and if they don't, again, tell them they need to use their own things.

Tbh if they're staying for free you could give them some jobs to earn their keep eg friend 1 it's your job to empty the bins, friend 2 it's your job to empty the dishwasher.

Do they have their own stuff to use or do they share with you? If it's their own stuff just leave it wherever it is they put it?

Pity that some expectations were not set from the beginning, you are perfectly reasonable that some household tasks are done by them.

Put a rota together.

Daily before bed they must empty dishwasher
Dry and out pots away before bed
Weekly on a Friday they empty the bins
Refill tea and coffee jars
Weekly on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday the remove the lint from the dryer
Add to this list and sit them down for a chat.

Come on op, they are living with you for free, you pay a cleaner for them and they don't contribute towards the household tasks. At the very least they should be making your life slightly easier

Who are they? Are they relatives?

Can you not just explain who they are? Would make this easier.

Are they Ukrainians? Could there be a language barrier there?

Tell them they need to buck their ideas up or you want them out by the end of the month. And yes that means out by Christmas and yes its freezing and the rental market is shit.

Draw up a list of daily things to do and stick it up in the kitchen.

Perhaps they think it's yucky leaving stuff in a dishwasher overnight ?

Are they Ukrainian who you are accommodating? There could be language barrier perhaps? I think I’d set a meeting so you could explain your point of view. If they are not financially contributing, I’d expect them to be really pulling their weight.
Show them how to empty lint/ water in tumble dryer etc.
If they are your kids, give them a bit of a bollocking!

It sounds like living with 2 adult versions of my 16 year old DS.

If they are living with you for free, they should at least be doing the dishwasher emptying and bin changes. No need for a rota - tell them that's their job going forward. <wishes I could be as sensible with DS>.