To be really irritated by dishes

[whatkatydid2013]

Last night I put on the dishwasher after tea and I washed up last couple of pans that didn’t fit and put away. We have two women living with us currently (have been here 6 months so not just a visit) and after I went up they were cooking dinner. I came down this morning and even though the dishwasher would have finished while they were cooking rather than emptying and putting in their stuff or putting their stuff away they’ve washed up and left on side. I feel like a misery for being so irritated but I swear in 6 months they’ve emptied the dishwasher about 3 times total and never taken out the rubbish bins and inspite of reminders they forget to clean lint from dryer, add stuff that’s been used up from store cupboard to shopping list and if they use last teabag/coffee/sugar never refill the jars from stockpile in the less accessible cupboard. It’s small things but it’s getting on my last available nerve. Am I being unreasonable if I throw my toys out of the pram a bit over their minimal contribution to household tasks (particularly when we both work full time but one of them is a part time student) and say they have to start doing this stuff/writing up a rota to ensure they do?

I can completely relate . It does wear you down and you feel taken for mug. Hope your guests are ae to move on soon.

You sound petty. It's not like they left their dishes for you to do.

Pick your battles. They washed their dishes up - I thought you were going to say they left it dirty and all over the sides.

When families were being asked to take in Ukrainian refugees l read an article which said people's compassion lasts about 6 weeks and after that they run out of patience. They suggested not taking them but giving donations to the Red Cross so familes could have their own place. Your visitors are possibly not refugees but the same applies. Its irritating having anyone in your house long term and they will probably continue to annoy you in some area no matter what you say. If it isn't the dishwasher it will be something else.
My dh annoys me every day leaving doors open, putting stuff in the sink instead of the dishwasher..l could go on!! This is not going to get any easier so accepting that might help.

Fair.

Clearly Ukrainians.

Just sit them down and tell them exactly what you expect of them. Tell them they live with you for free so the least they can do is a couple of basic tasks that makes everyone's life's a little easier. It's common courtesy.

I totally understand where you’re coming from @whatkatydid2013 as I host Airbnb guests and I’ve had guests who didn’t believe in drying their dishes or putting anything away.

You need to explain to them that they either pull their weight and abide by your house rules or they need to move on as this isn’t working for you.

So lasting 4 months before getting irritated at all and 6 before it’s really bugging me probably makes me relatively tolerant in the grand scheme of things.

They are from Ukraine and they are nice we I mainly get on well with them though we mostly each do our own thing but the not pitching in and not even doing stuff when asked like telling us something ran out is bugging me lately. I didn’t say it was the homes for Ukraine scheme initially as I find a lot of people have some very fixed ideas that refugees are either saint like and do no wrong or are taking the piss/scrounges and can do no right. In the end they are just people and it’s really not that different to sharing space with anyone else. I think it’s fair that this specific thing is fairly petty on its own but it’s also not an unreasonable ask everyone shares the jobs like bins/dishwasher/updating shopping lists. They are not arduous things and think it would help us to live relatively harmoniously for another 6 months (fingers crossed anyway)

@ThreeblackCats That’s so bad. I know you usually pay for a clean at the end but surely people don’t think that includes sorting their dishes

I have a Ukrainian mother and daughter staying with me and they aren't fans of the dishwasher. They always wash up their own stuff but same as yours, leave it on the drying rack.

That doesn't bother me to be honest. It does annoy me that six months in they still hang my pans in the 'wrong' order, when they occasionally do put stuff away, but it's a minor irritation in the grand scheme of things so I just let it go.

They don't really pitch in on housework to be honest, just keep their own areas and anything they've used clean, but don't say, vacuum the stairs, or anything like that. Mum does work and attend college for English classes though, and daughter is in year 11, so it's not like they are lazing about.

I quite like having them with us but I'm also looking forward to having my house back when they do eventually move on (I'm guessing summer at the earliest for mine).

YABU
You say they clean up after themselves. They use a pan and a couple of plates.

I'd say the majority of the mess comes from you, your DH, and your 2 DC.

How much chores are your DH and 2 DC doing? Hovering, unloading, loading, cooking, replacing, dryer vent lint cleaning etc.? I bet about zero.

How do you know it's them using the last tea bag and not one of you 4?

Why should they clean up after the 4 of you?

They shouldn’t clean up after us but they should share the chores for things everyone uses

I'd say the majority of the mess comes from you, your DH, and your 2 DC

I’d say if I cook a meal for 4 and they cook one for 2 then likely a bit more than 1/3 the dishes are theirs and a similar proportion of the rubbish is. Similarly if we are washing for 4 and they wash their clothes 1/3 of the lint and water that needs to be emptied is theirs. So yes majority is ours and we should likely do more often than them but that isn’t the same as us doing about 95% is it.

How much chores are your DH and 2 DC doing? Hovering, unloading, loading, cooking, replacing, dryer vent lint cleaning etc.? I bet about zero

You would bet entirely wrong. I do all cooking, OH all laundry and other stuff we share. Kids are 6 & 8 so don’t do massive amounts but they do help with dishes and keep own stuff sorted.

I didn’t say they clean up after themselves. I in fact said I’m annoyed they do half a job (wash dishes and leave on sink) rather than putting away, load dishwasher but not empty it the vast majority of the time, never empty kitchen bin. Also I know about the tea because only my Husband and them drink it and he’s refilled it every time even through he’s showed them on several occasions where spares are and asked them to do it. They drink massively more tea than him so something he normally does every couple of months he is doing most weeks.

Also to turn your argument around why the heck should we clean up after them?