To invite whole class or not? How to dodge this one :/

[Macbeth8]

So basically since DD has started Primary school, we have had a Reception WhatsApp group. 30 or more in her class.
It all started when one parent sent Birthday invitation via the Whatsapp group so basically inviting the whole class!
This has followed since so there's been 4 parties since Sept that have all been sent via the whatsapp group
.its like a trend! One of the parties was a joint with 2 kids.

Now its dd's birthday coming up..Im really anxious..I dont think I can afford to invite the whole class but it looks like im the next one with a childs birthday coming up so now I feel stuck. Do I not invite the whole class and just stick to traditional invites handed out at school in bookbags ?
Im worried Ill be outcasted for it 😩

Ive honestly priced up Birthday venues that shes asked for and its near enough 500 for 30-35 kids 🤦🏻‍♀️

Just invite a few friends. No need for the whole class to be invited

You won't be outcast. In my experience parties are either whole class or select few (so kids your dc are actually friends with!), people get pissed off when every boy but one is invited or everyone except for 1 or two children, which is understandable really. A small party is fine- we've never done a massive party for either if ours and no sign of being an outcast as yet!

As long as you keep it under 10 kids you should be ok. If you go above that, you probably need to invite the whole class as you get to a point where you've invited all but 1 or 2 of the girls (or boys) and that's where the problems start.

Small party is fine - I bet other parents will breathe a sigh of relief if you do it! My rule of thumb is you invite everyone or you invite fewer than half the class. The problem is when just one or a handful of kids get left out.

You either do: a few friends c. 5/ just the same sex kids/ or the whole class
no issues with any of those

If you were made an outcast, so what? Do you really want to live your life by other people’s demands?

Yes, small group or whole class is the norm. If you invite say 20 out of 30 that's when it can start to feel like some kids are 'left out'.

Don't have a party? We didn't have any parties during reception as the kids barely knew each other. We gave a book for each child for our DDs feb birthday and had a gathering for family. Just an option.

Just a few friends or whole class. It’s very normal to have whole class parties in reception.
but if you can’t afford it or don’t want to then a small party for just a few children is fine

In our school parties are the whole class, all the boys or all the girls. Invitations are not allowed in school otherwise. A lot of people seem to do it differently elsewhere though.

Please don’t stress about this. It’s such a mixture and people will be relieved that you are giving them permission to do the same!

For what it’s worth, my DS had a whole class party (Sept bday) and since there have been two others, and a few other kids who have done either nothing or invited a few friends. No one cares. Everyone wished all the kids a happy birthday 🎂

My DD, for balance, is two years older and is having 6 friends round for supermarket pizza and cake. She is also not invited to the bday sleepover of one of the 6 girls coming to her ‘party’. Guess what? No one cares!
We all do/can afford different things at different times for different reasons. Let’s teach our kids to wish everyone a happy birthday and to remember that happy events shouldn’t make us have anxious feelings xxx

We did cheap whole class parties (community hall booking with bouncy castle) in the first couple of years, then once he had his friendship group narrowed it down to 6-8 doing an activity.

If your dd wants an expensive venue can you do that with just a friend as a birthday present and have the cheap whole class party?

When ds started school he was told he had a choice of party and small gift or do something with a couple of friends (later on threw in a sleepover) or a bigger present. I think it is good for them to know these parties cost quite a bit and if they want one that is expensive it is part of their birthday gift.

We did cheap whole class parties (community hall booking with bouncy castle) how is this ever cheap? I hosted a hall party this year- costs a fortune, hall was £50 a hr, the bouncy castle was £90- then food and party bags for that many kids- plus one bouncy castle for 30kids is limiting you need some other stuff. All adds up

Yes agree.
Nowhere is really a cheap option for 35 kids.
The venue
And then you have to do food on top, entertainment etc which is why I prefer to book a whole package which bumps up the price but takes out all the faff.
I think Im gonna send a message in group chat letting them know we want to something small this year.
Will prob invite about 10 kids but need to also invite the kids who have invited her to parties! Arghh

Perfect

Your community hall is £50 PER HOUR??? That's extortionate, £15 per hour around us absolute max!

You don't have to invite all those that have invited her to theirs, if you're doing a small party it has to be just that, the ones she is friends with, not one where you return the invites from others as well.

My DS is now in Y2. In reception it was covid so there were no parties. In Y1, there were a mixture of whole class parties and parties for 10-15 kids usually. We did the latter. No-one hands out invitations anymore. If it’s not a whole class party, people message the invitee’s parent directly on WhatsApp (numbers taken from the whole class WhatsApp group). That way there’s no awkwardness with handing out invites to the chosen kids, no one knows really who else has been invited until you get there.

I wouldn’t even message the whole group- you don’t need to let people know you’re doing something small. Just create a WhatsApp for the parents of the kids you want to invite. This is what tends to happen at our school.

Just invite back the 2 whose parties your dc went to and a few other friends

Do a small party but you can’t ask the teacher to give out invites to only some of the class. You will need to message those parents directly via WhatsApp or create a new group to invite them to the party.

And honestly don’t overthink it. A lot of kids can’t cope well in reception with the large class parties and it all gets a bit much sometimes. My daughter enjoyed the smaller ones the most and understands sometimes she’ll get invited, sometimes you won’t. You definitely don’t have to always do reciprocal invitations. The parents of the whole class parties won’t except an automatic invitation to smaller ones.

Set the trend and don’t be a sheep
and think you have to follow
Honestly it only takes the first person to do it, and the most of the other mums will breathe a sigh of relief.

it’s like when the teacher present thing first kicked off
You get the mums that try to outdo the other mums with a dearer present. Personally I don’t think they should get any! They get paid for teaching our kids. So 30-35 presents is ridiculous

select under 10 friends , mostly what she calls her bests friends(maybe handful 4/5) and invite those.
soft play & food

Invite a few friends by individual whatsapp if you can't do a whole class party. to be fair, up to about year two I think they were mainly whole class, but things are tough at the moment and people will understand (and be relieved at not having yet another weekend with a party!)

No, don't send any sort of message to the whole class. just invite those who you want to invite. 'we're having a small party and you didn't make the cut' isn't a good look......