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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel put upon (general rant.....)

35 replies

cupsoftea · 28/01/2008 22:27

A friend doesn't have a car for 3 weeks so I'm taking her child home from school. I collect my dd from the same school & have my baby with me. After I have collected dd I pick up ds from another school & then my older two kids from a school bus stop. I have a very tight timetable as I can't be late for the bus.

Last week this other mum asked me to take to her house two other kids - as she'd normally collect them from school on mon & tues. I don't know their parents. I agreed last week as the parents might not have been able to find another solution but today it was the same story - me with my littleones & three others.

I get to her house & she says can I take one of the kids to his grans house tomorrow instead of her house after school. I say no as it seems to be a complete advantage of my good will.

I feel the other kids parents could sort themselves out rather than expect a mum they've not met or spoken to to be picking up their kids from school. Plus they could ring to say thank you as I've gone to some effort to help them.

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TigerPants · 28/01/2008 22:31

You're right to feel put upon.
Am stunned that they would let their children be collected from school by someone they don't even know.
And not to contact you to thank you is dreadful.

Good on you for standing up for yourself.

evenhope · 28/01/2008 22:33

No not BU BUT do the other parents know that the woman who usually picks up their kids doesn't have a car? It may be she hasn't told them and they are totally unaware that someone they don't know is collecting their children.

I think you need to have a word with her and ask her to speak to these other parents and get them to make alternate arrangements while she is car-less.

Original poster
cupsoftea · 28/01/2008 22:39

thanks tpants

evenhope - they know she doesn't have a car as she says they've got her shopping & bits.

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 28/01/2008 22:51

the more I read this the more I just can't belive the other parents letting their kids be collected by someone they don't know. Luckily I have enough car seats & I'm fine! Plus my friend just thinking it's ok - ahhhh!!

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ItsNeverTooEarlyForPopcorn · 28/01/2008 22:57

They're rude imo.

Original poster
cupsoftea · 28/01/2008 23:08

seems so popcorn -

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UniversallyChallenged · 28/01/2008 23:08

YANBU

what did your friend say when you said No?

Original poster
cupsoftea · 28/01/2008 23:15

she just said - ok you'll bring him to my house & his dad will be home at 7pm. He'll be able to go to his house as he'll have a key.

He lives a few houses along from her(they live on a 'nice' housing estate). The other kid will be collected about 4.30pm.

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 28/01/2008 23:18

he's 11yrs

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 29/01/2008 08:57

rant rant...........

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frisbyrat · 29/01/2008 09:42

How do you fit all the children in the car?!

Original poster
cupsoftea · 29/01/2008 12:34

Firstly - I have my dd & baby plus my friends child plus the two other kids she asked me to collect.

Then after dropping off at my friends house I go & collect my son and then go to the school bus stop for my other two. I have a 7 seater car.

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KatieKitty · 29/01/2008 12:52

Lordy cups, I would feel exactly the same: put upon. They are very much so taking advantage of your good nature, it sounds like you've got enough to do organising your own children and your own to-ing and fro-ing to pick up the other person's children too.
Stand your ground and don't pick them up again, it sounds like you're naturally a helpful person, so you may feel bad, however, it remains that they are taking advantage and also, like you and the other posters point out - you're picking up someone's children who you don't know and vice versa. They won't say thank you either, some people are just takers, while some are givers.
My suspicious mind is at work here - how do you know she hasn't spied your large car and banked the thought knowing you wouldn't refuse to help her? I can't believe she asked you to drop them off at their granny's house! You're not a taxi!
Super-organised people say that it gets easire and easier to say no to requests people put on you, so you've done the hard bit by saying it, just focus on yourself and getting all your own jobs done.
Rant away! I'm cross on your behalf! Grrr, some people!

Original poster
cupsoftea · 29/01/2008 12:59

thanks katiekitty - your words are so true!

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 29/01/2008 19:28

still in ranting mode about this!!!!

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 21/02/2008 09:36

update!!!!!!!! just got a call from this friend - could I collect her child plus the two others as she'll be abroad in march & so will the other mothers. My reply - no space as I'll have the smaller car as my other one will be in the garage. Didn't tell her that because the other parents never said thanks so I wont help them again. But still feel proud to say NO!!!!

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Katiekitty · 21/02/2008 09:47

Yay! Don't it make you feel goooooood!

Original poster
cupsoftea · 21/02/2008 09:49

thanks katiekitty

just waiting for when I turn up in my big car - she wont be there but word might get around!!!

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saadia · 21/02/2008 09:50

well done, can't believe she expected you to do this .

Katiekitty · 21/02/2008 09:51

Let word get around and then ignore the word, you're officially a 'No' sayer now, so nothing can touch you, I salute you!

Original poster
cupsoftea · 21/02/2008 09:52

couldn't believe it either - especially as she was just giving me a quick call as she was waiting for a docs appointment. She just launched into her request!

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 21/02/2008 09:53

yah katieK

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Original poster
cupsoftea · 21/02/2008 09:53

was trying to say yeh or something like that!!

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Katiekitty · 21/02/2008 10:00

Some people really do take the biscuit.. am I right in thinking you're now jumping around and clicking your heels, punching the air, going 'yessss!' Nothing worse than feeling put upon.

From what you were saying earlier, it sounds like - even if you had space in your car - you've got plenty else to be doing, so don't start feeling bad that you could have helped this other person, it just didn't seem possible. Well done for standing your ground and saying 'no'. Teach us how!

Original poster
cupsoftea · 21/02/2008 16:12

I am clicking my heels!! it's quite liberating. Will be waiting for her to ask again ..........

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