Person who cooks the meal has first dibs on the leftovers

[Rach247]

I purchased the ingredients and made a pasta bake last night for the family. Nothing exciting but quite tasty nonetheless (I put tinned salmon in and lots of cheese). Husband ate three portions. There was a bit left over and I fancied it for my lunch today, to make a change from sandwiches when WFH. I went into the kitchen at 1pm to find my husband finishing it off.

AIBU to say that whoever cooks the meal has first dibs on the leftovers?

The cook's privilege in our house is that the other person tidies up, leftovers are fair game. To be honest as we both WFH we normally do share it out but if it was something particularly tasty then I might try and sneak it first, it's not the end of the world.
Is this part of a wider pattern of selfish behaviour from your DH or is it a one-off?

I think leftovers are leftovers, there to be used up. If you'd said you wanted them I'd have expected him to leave it for you but otherwise I can't see he did anything wrong.

I disagree @BlueBar He's already had three portions to the OPs one. He should have asked if she wanted any more of it before he finished it off.

How big was the pasta bake that fed a family including your dh having 3 portions and a portion left over?

Is he obese?

I would have been flattered that my husband like the pasta bake so much, and so the next time I made it I would have doubled the ingredients so we could all enjoy it the next day.

I don't know about pasta bakes but my lasagnes are massive, 9 portions at least.

Never heard of that, you should have said if you wanted it keeping for you

He's glutinous but I've never heard of that rule.

I'd be hacked off that he's essentially had 4 portions which has left less for everyone else.

If I make a massive batch then I'll portion out my lunch for the next day at the same time as I portion what I'm about to eat - then DH can decide how he eats the rest - if he wants some for lunch he knows he'll need to portion it out.

I wouldn’t say it’s about who cooks; more that there’s equal for everyone. If there were essentially eg five portions and your husband had eg four of them then that’s obviously greedy and selfish.

Have you told him how you feel?

Interesting responses!

I don’t think of it as a formal rule but yes, if I’ve cooked then I do feel I should have first refusal on the leftovers. Maybe that’s a bit weird. But if he’d cooked, I wouldn’t dream of eating the leftovers without asking. Maybe it’s a simple manners point. Or maybe I’m the greedy one?

He’s not at all obese but he is definitely a bottomless pit. Not selfish generally but maybe can be a bit thoughtless.

Please tell us how big the pasta bake was and how many people were eating it. It sounds like the mumsnet chicken that would feed the 5000

Lasagne is totally differnt though, extremely filling, its full of mince, pasta with a tin of salmon not so much.

And yes, I have made it clear that I am unimpressed he didn’t ask before eating it. He wasn’t particularly apologetic, just blithely said “hope that’s ok, I know you don’t like leftovers going to waste.”

Harrumph.

@ZeroFuchsGiven it was quite big, I always do too much pasta. One of those big oblong dishes, two tins of salmon and two pots of fresh cheese sauce, plus lots of top. And the children didn’t like it much…

I don't think having extra helpings last night means he can't have the leftovers for lunch. I agree if OP had wanted seconds yesterday, she would have taken priority as he'd already had some, but leftovers the following day are something different.

Generally it's a good thing if anyone wants leftovers to get them used up. If someone wanted them for something specific they should have said.

Clearly not filing enough!

Who made it is irrelevant. But I'd have called dibs on it myself if I wanted it for lunch the next day. Leftovers, unless otherwise confirmed as needed for another day, are for whoever needs them.

There are no dibs on leftovers. It’s mostly the person that is wfh or not going out the following evening that will eat them. If we are both wfh then it depends on what else is in - so DH is more likely to eat a sandwich and I’m more likely to eat soup, if there is soup in then DH will have the leftovers and I’ll have the soup and vice versa if there’s stuff for a sandwich.

Crikey, I think people are being harsh with the opinions on your husbands eating!
There is no such thing as cooks priority in our house. If a meal is lucky enough to make it to the next day, and I would like it, I would say that's for my lunch tomorrow.

YABU

You snooze you lose

if you want the leftovers it’s common sense to let those you live with know

Nope, no-one gets dibs on leftovers here. And it sounds like you just tipped some pasta, pre-made sauce and tinned fish in a dish and chucked it in the oven - hardly like it was something special that a lot of effort had gone in to.

YABU, as you didn’t tell him you were specifically planning on eating it yourself. In my house I’m happy for the first person who finds leftovers to use them to save wastage. If it’s destined for a certain person's particular meal make it known.
Saying that though, it was a bit unthoughtful of your DH not to enquire first if you were both home.

Probably you should have just said “oh btw I want those leftovers for my lunch”. But really he should have checked with you rather than just shovelling more of it after his initial three helpings.

Does he cook sometimes? That would make a difference as to my view on how U he is. How does he feel about the leftovers when he does?

It is very annoying to have a “polisher offer” in the house if they never cook. People who will eat anything that isn’t nailed down if it means they don’t have to do any food preparation themselves, without a thought for others.

“What shall we have for dinner John? Can you cook tonight, as I did it yesterday?”

“Oh I’m not really hungry, I just finished off yesterday’s leftovers.”

Gah!