To use a sperm donor for second child?

[Biologicaldonor18]

I have an eleven month old son - I split with the father when pregnant. Currently he visits most weekends.

Part of me does not ever want another child - it’s hard work raising a baby and I love the idea of being able to focus all of my attention completely on my son.

The other part of me wants my son to have a sibling. I’d love him to have a playmate who is close in age.

I am considering another child via sperm donor. That way my children would be close in age, plus I don’t have the stress of managing two Dads (have a difficult relationship with my sons current Dad and I’d hate to go through that again). However is that unfair on my second baby? I hate the idea of my son getting excited to see their Dad at the weekend and my second child feeling sad watching them go.

I think in principle yanbu but it feels a bit soon? Unless you're thinking further down the line.

How old are you? It might be better to give yourself time to recover from your relationship ending and rediscover yourself first if you have time on your side.

The fact you'd have one kid with a Dad they see regularly and then a kid with no Dad at all I'd not want that personally. Imagine being the youngest, seeing their older sibling go off with their dad. 🫤

Lots of happy only children in the world. Just focus on activities, social opportunities, etc for them.

Came on to say just this

Have a child because you want an child. Don't have a child because you want your son to have a playmate - they might not have the relationship you want them to have.

I am late 20s but had always hoped to have children close in age x

Sorry OP but a child is not just a play mate, it’s another human you‘ll have to raise and provide for. You don’t sound keen on that part.

You might get in another relationship with a man who wants his own children- what then?

I think having an only child will cause less damage to that child than letting the 2nd child feel awful when their sibling has a dad in their lives when they don't

Resentment could build between them both and fracture the relationship.
I really wouldn't do this OP I think it would be incredibly selfish.
Your young, you have a good chance of meeting another partner and having a child in that relationship

Does the dad of your first child want a second child? Would he consider being donor?

If not then I would leave it, kids are individual beings, not playmates - either you will have another child eventually & an age difference or your child will be a well loved only. Nothing is wrong, with either.

I personally feel deliberately having a child with a dad & a child without is cruel.

Just as long as you don’t expect your ex to want to play a father role to the child, I was on a single parents group recently and one woman posted about having a child with her ex and she was pregnant to another man who wouldn’t be involved and some posters were suggesting her ex should include the new child in contact with his
child 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻

Does your ex want another child?

How's your relationship with your ex would he consider another baby with you based on current circumstances and contact as it stands.

Yeh guys I’m sure her ex is going to jump at the chance to have another child with a woman he is not in a relationship with who he will only get to see eow and have to pay maintenance for 🙄 get real people hardly see a man in his 20s jumping at the chance of bringing another child into the world who he will have to be financially responsible for and have little to do with especially as op said herself they don’t have a good relationship! “We have a difficult relationship” it’s in the op!

I think your mad for even considering it, it's a very selfish idea, kids don't need siblings.

I'm donor conceived, and I think this would be a terrible idea. I appreciate you always wanted children close in age, but life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. I think having one child go off to see their Dad and the other not knowing who their father is until age 18 will be incredibly difficult and divisive between them.

Focus on your baby, and you may well end up having another child in a happy relationship, just not as soon as you originally wanted to. That'd be better for your child(ren).

No it's beyond selfish

Just because you don't want or need a father for your child doesn't mean that a child doesn't want or need a father

Look up statistics of children - especially boys - growing up without fathers

If he wanted a second child and was in a similar situation to her those things wouldn't matter. At least the children would have the same dad and wouldn't be left out.

Don't have another child just to give your first born a sibling. I know when people say that it's practically a figure of speech but it has to be a deeper need than that.

Not only would the second child have no father, it would also have no extended family on its ‘father’s’ side. Presumably your existing child does have a relationship with its father’s family?
But yes, it’s a terrible idea.

Have another child because you want one not because you want to give your child a sibling

I'm 3 years younger than my older brother. I can't say he was my "playmate"...I got friends for that.

And what makes you think a guy in his 20s (or any age for that matter!) wants 2 kids with a woman he isn’t in a relationship with who describes their situation as “difficult” ?! Yeh I’m sure he will be jumping at the chance... not! The fact they have such a young child and have already broken up suggests the first wasn’t planned I’m sure he’s going to want to sign up to having another with her 🙄

@SpinningFloppa who's pissed on your cornflakes? Nobody's told her he'll have another baby with her. People have suggested he might be willing.

Presumably, considering she's RP, he knows she's a good mom.

My friend and her ex agreed to another child together, (both a little older) as they both wanted a second child & felt with same other parent was most appropriate.
They were not on good terms personally but were both great parents