Eating with a knife and fork in the wrong hands

[Getabloominmoveon]

Just sat in a cafe next to a whole family eating with their fork in the right hand and knife in the left. On the other side a young guy was struggling to chop up his food with just a fork. A few weeks ago an adult friend of mine admitted she didn’t know which way to set a table.This is In the UK btw.

When did this start? Have they never eaten with a table set with cutlery? Don’t people teach their kids how to eat properly any more?

At the risk of sounding like Hyacinth Bouquet AIBU to think that this is a basic life skill and people should eat with their cutlery in the right hands (unless left-handed, different cultures, Americans and all the other caveats of course).

@Isis1981uk Uh... no. I eat this way because it's comfortable to do so. No one else in my family does. I don't know where it comes from, it's just always felt wrong to have the knife in my right hand.

My mum was sent to an after school finishing school programme as a child so if there's anyone who knows about etiquette in our family, it's her. She never forced me to change hands (not that I could have as I just can't eat the other way around).

I must admit… you sound really really boring

My late uncle was left-handed and would regularly receive the cane across his knuckles at school for writing with the 'wrong' hand.

People should be entirely free to use cutlery, stationery and whatever else in their dominant hand if they want to.

As long as people are eating using a knife and fork, or a fork or a spoon, that’s fine as far as I’m concerned. There are some things that it’s reasonable to eat with fingers too. What I don’t like, is what I saw in a pub once, where a teenage girl are a roast dinner using fingers and sometimes a fork, whilst lying sideways on a bench type seat.

The only one I'd mildly worry about here (or perhaps even notice) is the man struggling with the fork. But as you were in a cafe where everyone had a knife, he probably had (or could have had) one too. Maybe it was missed or he dropped it on the floor and didn't ask for another or he didn't think to take one if cutlery was self-service. He may have dexterity issues in general and while fork alone is awkward, it could be what works best for him.

Otherwise, I think the US "traditional" way makes a lot of sense (if you substitute right and left for dominant and secondary):

Place settings still have the fork on the left and the knife on the right. If you (right-handed) sit down to steak, mashed potatoes, peas, and salad, you have the knife in your dominant hand as it will be cutting into the meat and separating a bite-sized chunk, while the fork only has to hold down the steak while you cut and then guide the portion to your mouth.

If you want a bit of salad, you put the knife down and switch the fork to your right hand to spear that. Then you may want to scoop some potatoes and peas with your fork, and you pick up the knife in your left hand as a guide; the fork is still doing the hard work. Switch back to knife in right and fork in left to cut more steak.

Two possibly relevant things here are (1) that it's pretty acceptable in the US to cut up the whole steak at the beginning and then put the knife down unless you need it to guide food (weaker hand is fine for this) or to butter bread, etc. and (2) that for a while knives just simply weren't available in certain areas (the Wild, Wild West!) because of the prevalence of gunfights.

For your friend who doesn't know how to set the table, I think there are lots of resources online, or via a library or bookshop if she's not on line, that would sort this out quickly!

Good one!

I have to say that I’m left handed and manage to eat with my cutlery in the ‘correct’ hands, and have made sure that my 4 children do too. We eat together every evening and they all have lovely table manners.

I am left handed, eat with my fork in my left (correct) hand
I hate to see people cut up a plate of food and then eat with just a fork...just seems wrong to me!

I don't understand the concept of correct hands for cutlery. Who thought up this? Why is it so important?

We wouldn't dream of using the term correct hand for holding a pencil any more, so why is it still being used for cutlery?

So people like me don't have table manners because we eat the other way around? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

YABVU.

I eat this way, I’ve always held my knife and fork that way. Nobody else in my family does.

I am surprised you would even notice how another family is holding a knife and fork!
I myself do not notice or even care which hands a bunch of complete strangers hold their knife and fork!
My daughter is left handed and eats with her knife and fork in the ‘wrong’ hands as you put it! I would be horrified if I knew someone was sat at another table in a restaurant watching and judging her/ her family by which hand she holds her knife and fork!!

Wow. My Nan is left handed, in school her hand was tied behind her back so she could hold a pen with the "correct" hand. Shall we go back to that?
For context, we are a family of right handed people who eat left handed, and left handed people who eat right handed. Our table manners are just fine!

Oh behave!!! Why do you even care? I can't imagine giving a shit about how other people eat never mind something as trivial as which hand they hold their knife and fork in!! I hold mine the "wrong" way but it feels like the right way to me....... who's to say what's right and what's wrong?

We’re you ever taught not to stare at other people when they are eating?

You mentioned the family that where all eating with fork in right and knife in left as being an example.
Then later say using cutlery ‘correctly’ is a basic life skill unless left handed.

All that family where probably left handed. BIL, his wife and children are all left handed and eat like that.

My child with asd finds using cutlery ‘correctly’ difficult and tends to cut and eat with a fork only.
You would be hoiking those judgy pants way high if you saw us all out !

I was referring to the fact that they all sit nicely at the table until everyone’s finished, no fidgeting, no screens and can hold a conversation. Lovely table manners.

My daughter has done this, since she was tiny. I have never tried to stop he.

Were they actually managing to get food into their mouths and eat? If so id say job accomplished, as you point out several cultures eat differently, who says yours is the right way, its none of your business what someone else does.

I think the insistence on having a knife in the right hand and a fork in the left is rather overblown. It may be etiquette, but etiquette evolves, and this insistence will likely die out too.

I'm mixed handed, and I've eaten with the knife in the left hand for as long as I can remember. I'm 54, so a long time.

And just because I eat with cutlery that way round, it doesn't automatically mean I eat in a slovenly way. People should be able to use cutlery in a comfortable way.

I actually do think it's important to be able to hold cutlery properly and eat a meal with it. (I also think all the other table manners are very important). We do always have sit down meals, with knives and forks and my children eat like this every night. I do feel I've sent them out into the world able to do this! (and people do judge as well).

That said, I'm left handed and eat with the knife in my left hand. When I was at school I was told to hold them the other way round and I found it very difficult. I am aware that some (older, more traditional, snobby) people will look askance at that but as I've got older I don't care and just swap so that it's more comfortable.

@Getabloominmoveon
I'm left handed and hold my fork in my left hand, DH is right handed and holds his fork in his right hand, so we both use the "wrong" hands but you would only assume DH is on face value...

Not sure why difference it makes though?

Good for you that you've never experienced living in accommodation so small and cramped that a table and chairs wouldn't have fitted anywhere.

Good for you that you don't have hypermobility which means it's painful to hold a knife and fork in the 'proper manner'.

Good for you that you haven't grown up hungry so frequently that food barely touches the sides because there's still something in your head telling you to get it down as quickly as possible in case you don't get anything else next time you're hungry.

Good for you that the only thing in your life that concerns is you whether other people behave and look like you when eating.

Can't believe 26% of people think OP is reasonable to get worked up about which hands strangers in a cafe hold their cutlery in.

Which is no doubt what you intended when you started this goady thread.