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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Very successful sister

33 replies

2023soon · 31/10/2022 21:52

My younger sister has been extremely successful in her career. She earns a six figure salary (think closer to £1 million than £100,000) and has a fabulous life - big house, multiple holidays, children privately educated, the works. I wouldn’t say I’m jealous as such (though who wouldn’t want to be the kind of person who can command that type of income?) I just can’t stop wishing I had the ability, intelligence, confidence and charisma to do the same, but the truth is I just don’t. Are some people just more talented than others in that regard? And is that just something the rest of us have to accept - and admire?

OP posts:

SheCameRoundAMountain · 31/10/2022 21:53

Having money isn't in and of itself an admirable trait. Being charismatic isn't always positive. Is a person caring? Hard working? Thoughtful? Generous? Those are admirable traits.

Keyansier · 31/10/2022 21:54

Are some people just more talented than others in that regard?

Yes, of course. And there'll be things that you're good at that she isn't.

Original poster

2023soon · 31/10/2022 21:55

SheCameRoundAMountain · 31/10/2022 21:53

Having money isn't in and of itself an admirable trait. Being charismatic isn't always positive. Is a person caring? Hard working? Thoughtful? Generous? Those are admirable traits.

She’s all of those things too - she’s a wonderful person. I just wish I was more like her!

OP posts:

AloysiusBear · 31/10/2022 21:57

Yes some people just are. It doesn't mean they have every good trait going. There are so many good traits, kindness, creativity, humour, etc

I know some beautiful, clever, hard working people, they have many good traits but not all. Not to mention we all value different traits

However i do think trying to pretend we all got an even mix is pointless. Some people clearly got (in the genetic lottery) more of the traits that human society values than others did.

Runningintolife · 31/10/2022 21:58

What are you good at, what do you want for your life - we all walk our own paths with different things to navigate along the way. Bet you are pretty great too OP.

Whataboutno · 31/10/2022 22:00

You must be great too, you are her sister after all!

Lotsofowls · 31/10/2022 22:02

Anyone who is successful has a degree of luck on their side. I’m successful with a good salary. I’ve worked very hard to get there, but undoubtedly (and I can think of 2 specific occasions) I’ve also been lucky.

Seasider2017 · 31/10/2022 22:10

Ask her to give you a job

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/10/2022 22:11

@Lotsofowls That's not always true. Unless you mean by luck, being in the right place at the right time but usually the harder you work the more likely you are to be in that right place!

SarahAndQuack · 31/10/2022 22:14

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/10/2022 22:11

@Lotsofowls That's not always true. Unless you mean by luck, being in the right place at the right time but usually the harder you work the more likely you are to be in that right place!

I think it's fairly well known that wealthy/successful people underestimate the role of luck in their lives.

noworklifebalance · 31/10/2022 22:15

I’m curious, what does she do?

Arenanewbie · 31/10/2022 22:20

I agree with @Lotsofowls don’t underestimate luck , it’s very important. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work hard but the bigger picture usually includes luck.

declutteringmymind · 31/10/2022 22:24

I'd struggle with that tbh.

She's just lucky I guess.

Try and concentrate on yourself and your happiness.

And borrow all her stuff.

Crumpleton · 31/10/2022 22:27

I dare say if it came up in conversation there's things your sister admires about you.

WeWantBoo · 31/10/2022 22:31

SarahAndQuack · 31/10/2022 22:14

I think it's fairly well known that wealthy/successful people underestimate the role of luck in their lives.

Show quote history

Luck or privilege?

Stripeyrug · 31/10/2022 22:31

I think one does have to accept it, yes. After all if we all earned huge salaries it wouldn't be unusual and it wouldn't pay for all that stuff - you'd have to earn ten million.

Also interested to know what she does. I'm not interested in working for such long hours or as hard as MOST people like that have to. If I could get it doing a 35 hour week I'd be interested

Catslovepies · 31/10/2022 22:37

I'm the successful sister in my family (6 figures but closer to £100k than £1million so not to the extent of your sister). It's caused distance with my sister (who earns just over NMW) as she struggles to accept it which makes me very sad. There are many things I admire about my sister and I'm sure it's the same with your sister. Ask her, it might help.

Whatisthisweirdfluthing · 31/10/2022 22:43

Is she famous?

Cherryana · 31/10/2022 22:45

The secret to success is to focus your attention on your strengths- whilst most of the time we go about comparing and thinking about what we are not good at.

Your sister has taken it to the golden zone by working with her strengths and leveraging it to make money.

What are you good at op?

Buteverythingsfine · 31/10/2022 22:46

I have a super successful friend and I was quite in awe of her and a bit jealous of her for ages. Then I realized she really does put in extra constantly and I just couldn't live like that, she doesn't even need that much sleep, Margaret Thatcher style. It's just not in my capacity. I can't even say she's neglecting anything else, she's a great mum, good friend and all round wonderful person. I can't live constantly at her 110% level though, and I've come to terms with being the slightly rubbish one. We can't all be the same.

BirdIsland · 31/10/2022 22:53

I'm the 'successful' sibling and I fully acknowledge there is a big dose of luck and good fortune involved in my success. I've worked hard in life, but not so hard as to warrant where I am and the salary I receive.

Also, anyone looking in would see the ability and confidence you refer to OP, but actually I massively struggle with the fear of doing things wrong (a common side effect of high achieving) and I'm currently mumsnetting to keep my mind occupied so i don't run through all the catastrophic things I may have done wrong at work (probably none, but my mind loves to catastrophisize).

Talk to your sister, you might be surprised at the things she struggles with, that come from being 'successful'.

Chailatteplease · 31/10/2022 22:56

2023soon · 31/10/2022 21:55

She’s all of those things too - she’s a wonderful person. I just wish I was more like her!

Show quote history

Oh OP, this makes me feel sad for you.

Comparison is the thief of joy. You have innate value as a human being, we all do, regardless of our talents, capabilities or success. But I do understand how you feel, I’d imagine it’s difficult not to compare yourself to your sister.

Magn · 31/10/2022 22:59

Sounds like you should work out what you actually want from life and ask her for some tips...

SarahAndQuack · 31/10/2022 23:05

WeWantBoo · 31/10/2022 22:31

Luck or privilege?

Show quote history

I think they come to the same thing - my understanding was that people who are wealthy/successful claim they made it by working hard, but if you compare them to people who had less luck (including being born to wealthy/successful parents), then it becomes a bit clearer that hard work isn't so important.

Not that I am denying the importance of hard work - only, a lot of people work hard, and it's rare that hard work alone gets you very far.

BagOfBollocks · 31/10/2022 23:06

Are some people just more talented than others in that regard?

That can't be a serious question surely?

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