Very successful sister

[2023soon]

My younger sister has been extremely successful in her career. She earns a six figure salary (think closer to £1 million than £100,000) and has a fabulous life - big house, multiple holidays, children privately educated, the works. I wouldn’t say I’m jealous as such (though who wouldn’t want to be the kind of person who can command that type of income?) I just can’t stop wishing I had the ability, intelligence, confidence and charisma to do the same, but the truth is I just don’t. Are some people just more talented than others in that regard? And is that just something the rest of us have to accept - and admire?

I'm the younger 'more successful' sister, and was very lucky,, in the right place at the right times and worked my backside off. I'm also very ambitious and for many many years was willing to give my work my all, at the expense of my family and health. However, my big sister is my hero. Smart, beautiful, strong, caring and everything I aspire to be in life. She has always worked so much harder than anyone I know, but never got a lucky break. She lives a good life, but has to work really hard to make enough money.

Do talk with her, OP. She - like me, I bet - will have loads of things she sees in you that she wishes she had/could do. It takes all sorts, and you are simply two of them.

Me and DH have really, really successful siblings. Three of them are pretty well known in their fields, two on TV, one BAFTA winner, professors, etc. Every single one of them have at least two homes, DC at private schools, and so on.

They're also absolutely lovely people

We are both really good at what we do, love our work, but don't earn a fortune doing it. I've never compared our material lifestyles - the difference is too crazy, but absolutely honestly, I don't want their lives, I want mine.

Luck is massive as is being naturally bright and knowing how to work the system.

I earn 6 figures, well clear of £100k. But I didn't work that hard to get where I am really. Yes I do some 60/70 hour weeks, but then so do many people who earn far less. There are many weeks I do more like 35 hours and I spend a lot of time pissing about on Mumsnet.

I was a complete slacker at school and uni but I'm really good at cramming for exams so could get away with never going to lectures and skiving most the year then preparing for the essay based exams in the last few weeks of term. Similarly at work I doss about a lot but can pull it out the bag when required.

Somehow most people fail to realise all this about me and don't believe that I'm totally winging it and not anywhere near as dedicated and hard working as they think.

Honestly I don't have that much respect for myself and look at others who work far harder than me for less reward and feel pretty shitty about myself.

My DH earns that and I am also a high earner
It has never been mentioned by his siblings and I dont see why it would be. They probably have no idea what we earn - how do you know- does she make a point of mentioning it? I think that his parents would be blown away of they knew but no reason at all to tell them. They probably assume he earns the same as his siblings (£60k- 100K)

Seems odd that it plays any part in your life.

How did we do it?
Went back to work when children were 6 weeks old-me (leave was only paid for 6 weeks and jobs were not held open )
Left family for a year to work abroad- him
Worked 80 hour weeks for 10 years- both of us

Broadly speaking I think most people can be superstars if they find the right circumstances

It can’t be easy OP, but can you switch your focus onto the specifics of what you’d like in life, rather than just wanting to be like her - which is not possible because you aren’t her, and also it’s too vague a concept.

It depends what your idea of success is. It sounds like you want what your sister has but is that really your idea of success? Earning a 6 figure salary definitely isn’t my idea of success. My idea of success is having a happy life prioritising family, friends, health and holidays which doesn’t lend itself to a life of hard work and high salaries.

income raised-after tax from jealousy= 0
sister likely to fall,fail,lower potential-chances?zero
why cant chu..do whatchu want?be who you want?
do u lie awake at night knowing you gotta go rob milk of doorsteps at "Nice houses"(still achieving )stop it

I’m the more successful sister financially by a significant margin. Not at this level which I can imagine creates jealousy (blame the money disparity not the person) but I’ve developed low grade jealousy to my kind and talented sister. Why? She has a beautiful husband and is very happy in her life whereas my marriage is crumbling and my days are so so rough. She has been an endless support, better than I would be if roles were reversed.

focus on you and being kind and the rest will follow.