To think it’s rude not to text back?

[feelingfuller]

If that same person has replied in a group chat?

I messaged friend on Saturday to check she got home ok after I dropped her off at the train station and heard nothing back.

Today a friend in a group chat (who we also saw on Saturday) asked a very generic question and she’s messaged back in that.

Just think it’s a bit rude

[JangolinaPitt]

I can’t understand why people text to check you’ be got home! Of course you have…

[Metabigot]

@Ponoka7

I game on my phone. Messages have come up and I haven't gone into them, but filled in a reply while it's showing at the top of the game screen. Sometimes they don't send. As said, sometimes you think that you've replied and you haven't. This can be the downside of messaging. In the old days we'd phone the house phone, or they'd phone our's, to check that out friends got home safely.

I also find it infantilising, but would answer a quick, yes thanks, goodnight, to someone who is a good enough friend to go out with and give me a lift.

I don't do it myself but some people find the 'have you got home ok' thing reassuring.

Agree its strange the OP didn't follow up on the non response.

What if friend HADN'T got home OK?

[Teeshirt]

I wouldn’t think anything of it either way. I’d assume an oversight, an error, a tech issue. I wouldn’t think they were rude. You are way overreacting here, OP.

[MugginsOverEre]

@thistimelastweek

I think it's rude. Seems to me like ignoring someone who just spoke to you.

But I'm getting older and don't always see things like the younger generation.

I see it like that too. My sister sees my name calling or a text from me and just ignores it when she could easily answer and say "Bit busy, I'll phone you back" or whatever. In fact, her phone can reply to a call in an auto text saying so. To me it feels like snubbing someone who's trying to say hello to your face. But these are days when you can see someone at your door and they can see you but you still don't answer because you're not expecting them as they haven't called ahead so you walk away and carry on whatever you were doing while they look on, wondering wtf?

[sandgrown]

So you ladies get annoyed because someone shows concern for your welfare ? A quick text back to say you are home is all that’s required.

[Womencanlift]

Fair enough you fell asleep but when you didn’t have a reply why didn’t you chase her up on Sunday?

If something had really happened to her (purpose of original text) then you wouldn’t know would you? But instead the first inkling that she had got home was when she replied to someone else on Monday night. That’s two days later

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Is this the first time she has done this, not replied? If so, you are overthinking it. If she regularly does it, ask her why.

[MRSE20]

I can be a bit guilty for not messaging friends back when I’m home. I think by the time I’ve got in, got my bag down and I’m tired, jump in the shower etc. I know it literally takes 2 seconds so there’s no justifying it really. Some of my friends ignore my “hope you get home safe, let me know when you’re back” kind of texts too.

I can be a bit of a hypocrite because I get annoyed sometimes if I message friends and they ignore me but put statuses up on social media 😂…

I can then also ignore friends if they message me whilst I’m watching YouTube or something on my phone, I end up forgetting to reply and will message back the day after or sometimes a few days later when I remember.

I would say I wouldn’t look too much into it, it can be quite normal. My husband and his friends can be like it too.

[IncompleteSenten]

You said "I don’t think she opened the message as there’s no blue tick". If there's no blue ticks that means she hasn't opened the message doesn't it?

Maybe she simply hasn't seen it. Or there's been a glitch. I've had the odd WhatsApp message seemingly vanish into the ether.

I wouldn't jump to the worst conclusion of a friend's actions tbh. I'd assume she genuinely didn't see it for whatever reason.

[IncompleteSenten]

Fuck. I rewrote the first bit to include a quote from your post and fucked up the edit afterwards.

[Glitteratitar]

@Mlb123

Anyway , I know the feeling of rejection and being ignored well, but these days I don't let it bother me and instead I find amusement in it. At present the most amusing thing for me is that after years of mainly lurking (since 2009) I have began posting a good few replies and stuff, but as in real life when I message people -i get nobody acknowledging the posts and messages as I write essays that bore on and I can't manage paragraphs much either. So anyway I shall test if people are reading my messages by writing that everyone on Mumsnet are evil, ignorant bitches who can't respond to my posts as they don't have the intelligence quota to do so! Not! Lol xxx

Maybe if you changed the way you write? A long wall of text with no paragraphs is ignored by many as they’re not easy to read.

[phoenixrosehere]

YABU

You’re choosing to take this as a slight against you. Several things could have happened that stopped her from responding to you. I usually text back but there are times I have seen a message come through without clicking on it but have been distracted and forgotten to respond, fallen asleep, wrote out a text and forgotten to send etc. If I then remember to respond and it is late, I wouldn’t send a reply because I wouldn’t want to wake anyone. If you were really concerned, you could have called her instead of waiting for another text message.

[Glitteratitar]

@Twiglets1

It’s called manners.
And it’s manners to reply if a friend asks if you got home ok, especially one who gave you a lift to the station.

It’s manners to show fake concern? Why text and ask if she got home ok if she doesn’t actually mean it?

Maybe the friend knew it’s fake and OP doesn’t actually care, hence why she hasn’t responded.

[MRex]

It's really easy to miss messages. If someone frequently doesn't respond to direct questions then that might be worth thought, but I'd assume she's just busy. You saw her reply in the group chat, so you know she got home ok and don't need to worry about her.

[HereComeTheGrannies]

@feelingfuller

The fact you’re hanging around this thread to pounce on any comment that would go against me is hilarious. But very very sad on your part.

You aren’t a nice person and you’ve proved that twice in one thread.

Whereas you sound like nothing but a delight OP.

[hopalongnowplease]

If you dropped her off then it's particularly rude.

I'd have said something like "Just to let you know I'm home ok. Thanks for the lift to the station ...".

[SmallPrawnEnergy]

@Mlb123

Anyway , I know the feeling of rejection and being ignored well, but these days I don't let it bother me and instead I find amusement in it. At present the most amusing thing for me is that after years of mainly lurking (since 2009) I have began posting a good few replies and stuff, but as in real life when I message people -i get nobody acknowledging the posts and messages as I write essays that bore on and I can't manage paragraphs much either. So anyway I shall test if people are reading my messages by writing that everyone on Mumsnet are evil, ignorant bitches who can't respond to my posts as they don't have the intelligence quota to do so! Not! Lol xxx

Sigh, I’ll bite.

You’re being ignored because;

1. You can’t seem to work out how to write paragraphs. It’s difficult to read and most people move on after seeing a wall of waffle. I skim read the end to find your rage.
   
   
2. Posting essays of shite is childish, attention seeking and pathetic which is why your “friends” don’t respond because they know exactly what you’re like and can’t be fucking arsed with it.
   
   So perhaps the ones ignoring you are the intelligent ones? I would certainly feel more intelligent not having wasted time trying to explain physics to a chimp but there we go.

[CuriousMama]

Maybe she has a life adulting?

[WomanStanleyWoman2]

@MugginsOverEre

I see it like that too. My sister sees my name calling or a text from me and just ignores it when she could easily answer and say "Bit busy, I'll phone you back" or whatever. In fact, her phone can reply to a call in an auto text saying so. To me it feels like snubbing someone who's trying to say hello to your face. But these are days when you can see someone at your door and they can see you but you still don't answer because you're not expecting them as they haven't called ahead so you walk away and carry on whatever you were doing while they look on, wondering wtf?

So you think your sister should drop everything the minute you text or call and, if she doesn’t, you just turn up anyway and think “WTF?” if she doesn’t answer the door?

She has boundaries. Try getting some yourself.

[thelobsterquadrille]

@sandgrown

So you ladies get annoyed because someone shows concern for your welfare ? A quick text back to say you are home is all that’s required.

It was hardly genuine concern though was it? OP never bothered to chase the message up when she didn't receive a reply.

It's just more of this fake "be kind" bollocks, really. It's not showing concern if you just send a text and don't bother to actually check up on the person when you don't receive a reply!

[Obki]

@Twiglets1

It’s called manners.
And it’s manners to reply if a friend asks if you got home ok, especially one who gave you a lift to the station.

As pp have said, it’s not manners, it’s fake concern. You send the text to satisfy YOUR ego, because you’re not following up if the woman doesn’t respond.

You know what people do when they’re genuinely concerned someone didn’t get home? They call them, or they call their partner, or they drive over to check on them.

Anything less than is just fake concern.

[rookiemere]

Well at least you know friend got home safely!

Maybe she should have replied, but she probably didn't check her phone when she got in - I generally don't- and was more focused on going to bed.

I'm delighted with myself that I now know how to do thumbs up on texts and whatsapp messages as sometimes I couldn't be bothered typing a reply, but in this case a thumbs up would have been perfect as you'd know she was home.

But no it's really not a massive faux pas on her part.

[Keyansier]

@feelingfuller

The fact you’re hanging around this thread to pounce on any comment that would go against me is hilarious. But very very sad on your part.

You aren’t a nice person and you’ve proved that twice in one thread.

I'm not pouncing on your thread 😂It's on my watch list because I've posted on it.

Your statement that I'm "not a nice person" stems from me saying that sometimes I don't respond to MY friends messages. That has absolutely nothing to do with you!

[Redkettle]

Yes I'd find that annoying. Takes 2 seconds to text.

[NippyWoooooWooooo]

@TooBigForMyBoots

YABU. If you need a response, you call.

I love all these replies as if people don't answer their phones 😂

If I'm not replying to your message why would I answer your call?

OP, yes I think it rude, but I can see how this particular instance happened.

I sometimes get a message when I'm driving and see it flash on my phone but then forget to check. If I then get a lot of messages I won't see it as an unopened message.

It happens rarely though, I think if it's a regular occurrence then it's more likely to be intentional.