AIBU to not let my baby sleep out

[97DS]

Hi, can I post this anonymously please:

Basically, me and my partner are due to have another baby very soon, and we already have a 1 year old at home. I’m coping well but can occasionally feel overwhelmed especially as we also have dogs and a house to look after.

My MIL has taken it upon herself (without asking us if it’s even ok first) to turn her spare bedroom in a full-blown nursery so the 1 year old can sleep over and we get a ‘night off’ once new baby is here.
I really appreciate the thought, money and effort that’s gone into this, but ultimately I feel it’s a massive waste. She’s so excited about this so we’ve just reached a point where we now ignore it and let her carry on. I’m ok with 1 year old using the nursery to play/nap during days when we pop over to visit, but the thought of overnight makes me very uncomfortable.

Baby has also never slept out before, because I have anxiety and i feel there’s nowhere better and safer than to be at home with mum/dad.

MIL lives about 1 mile down the road from us so if a sleepover was ever on the cards, I’d prefer it to be at my house where the 1 year old is already comfortable, familiar with their surroundings, and with everything 1 year old would need without me having to pack/unpack a bag just to go down the street.

Anyways, back to the issue… my MIL has 2x very large dogs (dog breed known to be aggressive and very powerful). One is a rescue from an abusive background so unpredictable in it’s behaviour , the other they have owned from being a puppy. Both dogs are chaotic.

They are NOT well trained.

They pull, jump up, trash the house, rip up their beds, destroy their toys. The list goes on & on.
All MIL does is complain about how naughty they’re being/what they’ve done recently that’s been naughty. Even my very affectionate/friendly dogs are scared of them.

I have been over to the house with the 1 year old in the past and whilst MIL has been holding 1year old, one dog has jumped up, growled, barked and attempted to bite MIL.

Thankfully I was there to quickly snatch baby away so MIL could lock the dogs somewhere safe. She could see I was obviously shaken up and on edge the rest of the visit.

MIL says it’s because baby isn’t around the dogs enough they’re just not used to it; They’re only being protective. But I don’t see it as protection. It looked like they would attack if given the opportunity.

The dogs have also growled, barked and bitten FIL and BIL, who are around them a lot so I don’t think it’s being protective, just aggressive.

So my question is, AIBU to NOT let my 1 year old sleep out, at a house that has two very large aggressive dogs, where they will literally DESTROY anything they can get hold of???
I don’t feel like the 1 year old sleeping out would be much of a ‘night off’ for me as I would be worried sick all evening. I’ve been told the dogs will not be allowed upstairs, bedroom doors will be closed, and there’s baby gates throughout the house. Personally, I still don’t think this is enough protection because 1 year old won’t be kept upstairs all day and all night. MIL will want to be in the livingroom and kitchen with 1year old whilst they are playing/feeding etc. And i feel it’s then unfair to lock the dogs outside or into cages whilst 1year old is downstairs.

Please share your thoughts. Thank you

I wouldn't have my child around dogs of that kind of breed - possibly not at all, certainly not with an owner so relaxed about the aggression you describe.

So YANBU on that basis.

In another (crazy dog free) world I wonder whether it might be worth unpicking your overwhelm combined with your belief that the best/safest place for a 1yo is home with you. It's certainly true that the 1yo isn't missing out on anything by not having sleepovers at this age, but if you feel ready and if you have someone you can trust they'll be absolutely fine with (clearly not MIL!), it can be a wonderful break for you and no harm done as far as your toddler is concerned.

But also fine if not. I wasn't ready to leave DC1 overnight until he turned 2. I was ready to leave DC2 overnight as soon as anyone would take her 😂 she was definitely 1 but not much past her birthday IIRC. I do think it's a really nice part of their relationships with other important adults in their lives, but there's no rush.

YANBU absolutely no chance should your kids sleep over in a house with dogs that bite. No matter how many closed doors or baby gates. I've seen plenty dogs open doors and jump gates. I trusted a dog once that was known to "just nip". And ended up with stitches in my face. No chance will that dog ever be allowed near my kids.

OMG. I was prepared to say YABU, because MIL could help bla bla bla.

KEEP YOUR BABY AWAY FROM THOSE DOGS!!!!!

Dont even go over there. Seriously!

I would not let my children in a house with those dogs even if I was with them.

Without me - it would be a cold day in hell.

I was on the fence in regards to your baby sleeping at your MILs when she's only 1 mile away until I read about the dogs. Absolutely not.

My mil used to have a westie. He was her baby and came first in her life. He was also a little shit. He would always growl at my son and everytime she would make excuses for the dog. It would be my child's fault why the dog didn't take to him.

Then one day we went round (we didn't visit often because of the dog) and the dog tried to bite my son. MIL made her excuses for the dog and we got up and left. She would never dream of putting him in a different room when we visited.

She's also the type where you have to visit her, she won't visit you even though she's able too. Usually because she wouldn't want to leave the dog.

The dog is died earlier this year shame) and it still makes me angry to think about.

This is a little westie I'm talking about so I can't imagine what it must be like for you with 2 big dogs. Stick to your guns. Some people just will not admit how dangerous their dogs are no matter what you do.

I love animals by the way, I'm an absolute dog lover but I breathed a massive sigh of relief when I found out it had died. Not that it's made much difference to our relationship with MIL.

I thought you were being unreasonable- until you mentioned the dogs! I have one 6kg terrier who is a bit growly and funny with strangers. She's fine with my older dc but I wouldn't have a 1 year old to stay in case she nipped at a finger or something. She never had and likely never will rip anything apart but it's not a risk worth taking

Of course it's not unreasonable, on the basis of unpredictable dogs AND because you don't want your child staying 'out', regardless of the dogs issue.

She's dangerously delusional.

Don't ever let her have either the 1 yo or the baby on her own.

Honestly, some people lose their minds when it comes to dogs.

exactly! I have 2 friendly dogs (8kg + 10kg both timid spaniel breeds) of my own who live here with us & baby. The furthest I would ever go leaving baby and dogs alone together in the same room is into the downstairs loo and I keep the door open so I can see and hear everything. If either of my pathetic dogs were to growl/nip/or harm my baby, they’re small enough I can physically pick them up and throw them outside if I needed to. The 2x big dogs at MIL house are easily 60kg+ each! Even MIL + FIL together can’t control them on a choker leash when out walking, let alone if they went into full rage and started to attack

Those dogs sound quite dangerous, I wouldn't feel comfortable even having my kids in the same house (I am a little dog phobic though, I wouldn't own a dog and have very young kids no matter row well trained because sometimes dogs turn out of nowhere the tragic stories always have owners saying how the dog is usually so loving). YANBU to not want to risk this

YABU to go round there yourself, honestly - they have already bitten BIL and FIL so could easily bite you. Not a cat in hell’s chance I’d allow a baby round there.

Did you see this case? Even the mother being present and fighting the dogs for ten minutes couldn’t save either child from essentially being eaten by these dogs. You are seriously taking your child’s life in your hand going round there if the dogs are as bad as you say.

Even if there were no dogs, you and your DH have final say about if overnights happen, when they happen, and who with. MIL can offer but she can’t demand.

We have a very small family, not many people around to help. We don’t have a village it’s pretty much just me + DH + our 2 little dogs. MIL+FIL (and their 2 massive dogs) and my mum. We don’t get much help, and we don’t ask for much help. But both my mum and MIL take it in turns having days out with 1 year old. Shopping, farm, park etc so I don’t feel I am taking anything away from 1year old by not allowing the quality time with grandparents. The dogs are the main issue, and prehaps if they didn’t exist, I may have warmed up to the idea of a sleepover at an earlier stage. But similar, my mum doesn’t have any pets, and she lives alone. And I still haven’t let 1year old sleep over. Not because I don’t trust anyone, I’m just not 100% ready to be apart from them yet. Maybe it’s my anxiety I don’t know xx

Regardless of the dogs, if I don't want my child sleeping somewhere then they just wouldn't.

I would not let my DC set foot in that house again and I would not be going in either. Even with the most stringent supervision, I would have limited confidence in my ability to get those dogs off my baby should the dogs decide to go for them.

Why do they even have these dogs they can barely control? It's absurd!