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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a fair arrangement?

54 replies

Totalk · 30/10/2022 01:50

Hi, looking for some advise please.

School car pooler A and B
B lives very slightly closer to school then A and expects A to drop DD at B’s every morning (35 mins round journey for A)
B then drops to school

A picks up from school and drops at B and back home.

A drops DD at B’s every morning. Pick up 4 days from School, drop at B then home.

B drop to school everyday ( from B’s ) and pick up from school and drop at A only on Friday

Is this a fair arrangement or Is A spending more time and money on journey?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 30/10/2022 07:49

What is your actual problem? If you live further away you will drive further?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/10/2022 07:51

It depends on the ages of the children and what A needs to do after drop off too. If the children are young then not only would A need to get to school but also park, walk up to drop child off, avoid PTA mummies, get back to car and back home. Tricky if you need to start work at 9. Doing this once a day might be preferable to twice a day. If the children are secondary school ages then best to abandon car share and just get dc to get public transport or drop them vaguely near the school.

rainbowstardrops · 30/10/2022 08:12

Presuming you're A and there's a valid reason why you need B to take your child to school for you?
As you live further from the school, it's just one of those things that you're driving/using more fuel surely?

pompomsontheceiling · 30/10/2022 08:14

Can't make head more tail of this. Can you make up names and tell us again please.

girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 08:16

May as well just stop sharing the lifts if everyone's resentful. No B shouldn't have to go 35 minutes out of her way to collect someone else's child. That's ridiculous.

Bbqchicken · 30/10/2022 08:28

If it takes 15+ mins to drop child at friends house that is slightly nearer to school how far from the school are you! Id concider sending my child to a nearer school. If its 15 mins in the wrong direction then take your own child to school. Why would B want to make their journey longer? Sounds like this is more beneficial to A, possibly using B as a breakfast club?

MRex · 30/10/2022 08:29

With an actual drawing showing distances, we could work out the mileage. The reason why each needs help with drop-off or pick-up are likely to matter as well though. Gut feel says A is getting drop-offs as a favour from B in order to get off to work, so should either be happy about it or just do their own drop-offs. Use breakfast and after school clubs if needed.

MovingOnUpp · 30/10/2022 08:35

It sounds fair to me.

TrivialSoul · 30/10/2022 08:40

Seems fair to me. B shouldn't have to incur extra travel costs because A lives further away. I don't think it's the sort of arrangement that would have suited me but I can see how it would work for some people.

SkylightSkylight · 30/10/2022 08:44

My head hurts.

if it's not working for you, just end it.

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 30/10/2022 08:58

Insufficient information. Doesn't sound ideal but it depends on a lot of things that aren't covered in your op.

Are the school, B's house and A's house all in a straight line, or more like a triangle?

Where are the drivers going on to after the driving in the morning, are they going out of their way or stopping off en-route?

In a school lift share it's not the aim to have exactly equal amounts of driving if one person is significantly further away or off a main route. The aim should be that everyone has a broadly similar reduction in what they would be doing without the life share if they had to do 10 trips a week.

How much driving time is A saving compared to being solo, and how much time is B saving?

mrsm43s · 30/10/2022 08:59

I think A is taking the piss and B is doing more than their fair share.

The extra runs from A to B's house (the 35 min round trip) should obviously all be A's responsibility, as they only exist to service A's child.

The 10 school runs should be split 50/50 if we're talking "fair". Currently A does 4 and B does 6. And, on top of that B goes out of her way to drop A's child home once a week, which isn't their responsibility at all. IMO, to make it fair, A should do all the pick ups, if B is doing all the drop offs. Obviously all drop offs and pick ups should start and end at B's house, as this is the only part of the route that is shared.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 30/10/2022 09:00

C is left with two apples. D should keep her nose out.

ZombieMumEB · 30/10/2022 09:00

Definitely need a diagram.

Is B's house on the way to school, or does a detour need to be made?

How low long is A's child at B's house in the morning? In a way, this is 'free' before school childcare.

Logically, A spending more time and money on journey is to be expected - because they live further away from school. Surely they weren't expecting time and travel to be spent 50/50?

It's not up to B to subsidise time and money for A.

JennyJungle · 30/10/2022 09:01

If I was B I wouldn’t be driving 35mins to go and get A when I’m closer to the school.

Sounds like A needs B others wise A would just drop to school I presume?

JennyJungle · 30/10/2022 09:02

A only drops B back to her house as she lives closer to the school and has to go past it anyway to get home?

It wouldn’t make sense to drive A to Bs house.

Sirzy · 30/10/2022 09:03

Sounds like the car pooling isn’t working if it’s such a complicated system and people still aren’t happy.

NoDairyNoProblem · 30/10/2022 09:04

Does it suit A timing wise to drop at B’s - ie. Drop at B’s 8.30/start working at 9? So benefiting from childcare?

ElegantlyTouched · 30/10/2022 09:06

Well it would hardly be fair for B to drive an extra 35 minutes 4 mornings a week, now would it?

Amazongirl9 · 30/10/2022 09:08

Is it because B is also childminding A's child until they leave for school in the morning so A is gaining in that way?

InsertPunHere · 30/10/2022 09:10

You’re A and you’re pissed off you do more driving. It’s not B’s fault you are sending your child to school so far from your home.

Medoca · 30/10/2022 09:12

I think this sounds fair. I take it B is looking after A’s child before school as otherwise A could just drop them themselves. 35m round trip sounds pretty good to me, especially with free childcare!

OriginalUsername3 · 30/10/2022 09:15

Sounds like the journey between B and school is still quite long if 35mins is considered slightly longer. I wouldn't expect B to do that and they're doing more than their fair share by doing the Friday collection without then driving 35 mins out of their way A should be doing that collection and if they can't they should be doing a drop off in the week to make it up

ShaunaTheSheep · 30/10/2022 09:16

I'd suggest B is doing A a massive favour by doing drop offs every day.

And the extra trip in Friday afternoon traffic.

If you are A, you need to suck it up.
If you are B, I'd be questioning the benefit to yourself.

boredOf · 30/10/2022 09:24

Whaaaaat