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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Texting partner while on weekend away

34 replies

Corncrunch · 30/10/2022 00:59

If you or your partner was away for a weekend would you expect texts at all. Partner hasn’t messaged me for 12 hours we messaged briefly 12 hours ago and then I text him to say I was going out for last minute drinks but no reply. I’m not fussed and trust my partner and told him before he left to have a fun weekend and not to worry about texting me. Two of my friends tonight said that they would be annoyed or worried and expect a text in the morning and night am I expecting to little.

OP posts:

BIWI · 30/10/2022 01:02

I might expect a brief 'we've arrived' text. And then possibly a text of something he's found funny/interesting - but I really wouldn't expect a text from him at all - he's away to have a break/good time. Doesn't need to be thinking about home/me at all!

Original poster

Corncrunch · 30/10/2022 01:05

@BIWI thanks that’s what I think but I had my friends making me second guess my expectations.

OP posts:

NoseyNellie · 30/10/2022 01:08

Your relationship not theirs - comparison is unnecessary.

Cw112 · 30/10/2022 01:11

I think it depends on what they're doing. If it's a particularly busy weekend then I wouldn't expect to hear and you did specifically tell him not to worry about texting you. Any time dh has been away on a stag for example he wouldn't have text me during the day but might have given me a quick call or text to say goodnight or goodmorning. You don't need to be worried just because your friends are. You know the dynamics of your relationship and if he's much of a texter in the first place.

Amybelle88 · 30/10/2022 01:11

Everyone is different, I'd expect the odd text but wouldn't be put out if I didn't hear. Your friends shouldn't really say things like this imo, it can sow unnecessary seeds of doubt which really isn't fair

However, you did tell him not to worry about texting you so he's doing what you told him to?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/10/2022 01:13

Nope. I want to know they arrived safely, then I'll just see them when they get home. Works both ways. Now we have kids if we are away more than one night we will send a text to say "shall I call the kids?" But usually the kids aren't fussed if one of us is away and they are all busy so again, just wait til they get home.

Idunnowhatsgoingon · 30/10/2022 08:27

I'm away at the mo. I said to him that it would be weird to be away without him and that I would text. He said don't bother, just enjoy time with my sister. I have text a few times though, just saying that's us here, that's us back etc and he has replied but he's not started any convos.

AFS1 · 30/10/2022 08:29

I wouldn’t expect texts if my DP was away. He might text if he’s bored, or there’s something funny that’s happened, but I’ve learnt that if I reply, the messages may go unanswered if another round of drinks arrives!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/10/2022 08:31

I would expect (but not insist on) a couple of texts over a weekend and then an ETA for when he’d be home.

Tiani4 · 30/10/2022 08:35

Some people like texting some don't. I find it tiresome having to exit someone morning and night and often forget

However the deal is when we are away from Home , text to say you've arrived. If you're going out and getting home by yourself and I need to listen out as you're coming home then texts to say on bus/ leaving now etc

So for me a grown adult partner is expect text to say arrived and be grateful of a text to say just leaving in car now .

Any calls or texts to say having great time might be a bonus but we'd see each other soon anyway to hear that once home

If away for a week is expect a few texts in that week , a weekend meh...!

Some of my friends would expect 15 texts a day with detail on what's going on .

Unless I was bored and in a chatty mood, wanting to send 15 texts all in one go as part of a chat, that would drive me mad.

Each to their own tho

iratepirate · 30/10/2022 08:45

I wouldn’t, nor would DH of me.

Generally there might be a “arrived” message and then we’d usually message or call as we left for home to give the other an idea of ETA

Other than that, we’d catch up on any weekend news etc when we were home.

Most of my friends also think this is odd as some of them seem to be in much more co-dependant relationships than ours, but as a PP said, each to their own. Whatever works for you and your relationship isn’t wrong.

Bravosir · 30/10/2022 08:51

If my partner said don’t text then I wouldn’t. We never text each other unless it’s important.

Oysterbabe · 30/10/2022 08:53

When one of us is way we usually exchange a few texts about the kids. There's no expectation and I wouldn't be annoyed if he didn't.

Ekátn · 30/10/2022 08:55

Every relationship is different. I wouldn’t elect dp to text. But he is a big texter. He texts me several times a day while we are at work.

If it was left to me, I wouldn’t text at all unless there was an actual reason for it. Dp knows it’s not a sign I don’t care about him. But that I get engrossed at work and am really busy. His job is a bit more relaxed. It’s often a couple of hours before I text him back.

Some people would be bothered by my lack of texting. Or how long it takes to reply. But I wouldn’t be with someone who thought like that.

We are all just different

MarigoldMoonStone · 30/10/2022 08:56

I wouldn’t expect texts except 1 to say arrived and 1 in the morning but I would definitely like a reply if I text him.
However if he is out drinking I wouldn’t worry to much (phone in pocket probably not even noticed) but would expect a reply in the morning.

FrenchOnionShoeBox · 30/10/2022 08:57

We usually send a “I’m here” text and then a “I’m on my way back” text at the end but wouldn’t necessarily expect it. We share the odd other text, mainly about DD, but otherwise leave each other to it.

TheForests · 30/10/2022 08:57

Just an arrival text. Can't bear couples who can't manage a weekend away from each other.

TheChosenTwo · 30/10/2022 09:02

if either dh or i are away we would send an ‘I arrived’ text and an ‘I’m off the plane and will be home in an hour’ sort of text.
there may be a ‘look what i found’ accompanied by a random photo kind of message at some point but it’s not expected.
It’s just how it works for us, you do what works for you and don’t worry about anyone else. We aren’t big texters to each other even when we’re both home so it’s normal for us to not text each other for days/weeks. (Obviously when we are both home we see each other most evenings and generally things can wait until then to have a real conversation.)

WhosafraidofVirginiaWoolf · 30/10/2022 09:03

DH was in Berlin for 4 days at the beginning of the month and I don't have a mobile phone.

We sent each other 1 email each day, just to check we were both alive!

As we are parents to a severely disabled DS17 when we get away, a virtually total break is what is needed to completely enjoy the trip and truly relax.

You do you OP.

Boysnme · 30/10/2022 09:04

I was away on Friday night. I text once in the evening with a photo he’d find amusing and then the next morning when I was leaving to come home and that was only because I had forgotten my keys so needed him to be in.

We do text when the other is away but an odd text here and there not loads and the other doesn’t particularly expect it so it would be no issue if we didn’t.

Everyone is different though!

hardboiledeggs · 30/10/2022 09:04

Yeah I would expect something from my DH as I’d be home with the kids, but then again I’d send some pictures of them to him throughout. Just something we both do.

Medoca · 30/10/2022 09:05

I think your friends need to find something more exciting to talk about! I can’t imagine the frequency of partners texting ever being an exciting topic of conversations if on a night out! Who brought it up, seems very odd if they asked you how often your partner has been texting you - I think they need to get a life!!

Stripeyrug · 30/10/2022 09:05

No, and when I'm out or away with friends it really grinds my gears when they're constantly on the phone to their partner discussing NOTHING. Usually either crap relationships or men children who can't cope alone

SezFrankly · 30/10/2022 09:06

Your relationship, not theirs. If you are both happy that's all that matters.

Sausagedognamedmash · 30/10/2022 09:07

We usually do a 'good morning' & 'good night' text. Not necessarily at times where we can respond, ie if I'm at home with the kids I may text goodnight at 11pm, he would respond at 2am when he got back to friends house/hotel etc from whatever event they are at. I'd text good morning when I'm up with the kids, he'd text good morning when he wakes up. It's not expected but has become the norm in our relationship so if the home person wakes up without a goodnight text having arrived overnight we'd be concerned.

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