Reserving seats

[Waterbear79]

Hi, looking for some feedback. I felt sure I was in the right when it was happening but now it's bothering me. I was at a spooky walk with my husband and our five year old boy. There was supposed to be some hot food before the walk, served to those who paid for a ticket. The venue is quite small, maybe 60 seats and they had an unexpected turnout of some hundreds. The lady who organised the event told me while we were waiting outside that they will start serving food soon and we should try and find a place. Inside was already full but I did see a table with only an elderly lady and a teenager (one of her grandchildren). There were four empty seats at the table. When we approached she said that all seats at the table were taken, apparently her granddaughter can't sit still for so long, so they would come when the food is being served. I told her that it's not very considerate to hog a whole table when dozens of people are waiting outside. I just sat down with my son, my husband kept standing. She was pretty upset but I felt like I couldn't baçk off either. She stormed off then but not without adding that she hopes I go back to where I came from, which destroyed any goodwill I had left, because that's not something anyone non-british wants to hear. She then complained to the organisers, got a refund and went away with the whole family. Part of me feels bad that I ruined their evening. Did I overreact?

YANBU I’d have let the organisers know she was a racist twat too

I don't think you should have sat down at their table. That was a bit odd. Her sitting there was no different than you bagsying a table before the food was served as well. But the racism/or xenophobia from this lady was disgusting. You should have complained to the organisers about it. Also complain to the organisers about going over capacity/overselling tickets/too many people for the space.

She was rude and racist, but I think you might have been in the wrong re the table - it sounds like both of you were looking for a place to sit in anticipation of food later? Neither of you actually had food yet? In that case, I think she had taken the table her party needed, despite them not all sitting there at the time.

If you’d come over with food wanting somewhere to eat it, and she was there saying she would need the table later on but wasn’t using most of it now, I can perhaps see your point. Or if you’d said “we’re tired, can we just sit here until your family get back to the table” then perhaps that would be fair. But why should you have the table rather than her, when you both got food later on?

It’s weird to just sit yourself down on someone else’s table

I think it’s really common for people to reserve tables for themselves. If they’d left their coats and bags on the seats and walked off I’d have said YANBU but two people sitting at the table is different and I do think you were mean.
Doesnt excuse the racism though.

I think you were out of order to sit down to be honest. She was out of order to be a racist arsehole but prior to that she hadn’t done anything wrong. She wasn’t hogging a table anymore than you were

I think that comment of hers bothers me the most. I can admit when I am in the wrong and I might have appeared a bit bitchy but my nationality shouldn't have any part in that discussion.

It doesn’t sound like you ruined her evening, but it does sound like a very badly organised event for something that required visitors to pay for a ticket so it’s not surprising she was upset and wanted a refund.

I agree with this.

You were rude to sit at someone else’s table. The lady told you the seats were taken yet you sat down regardless.

Obviously she should've left your nationality out of it.

You were out of order to sit at the table.

Her racist comment was completely unacceptable.

But, how was she doing anything different by sitting at the table than you wanted to do? Had you got their first you’d have done the exact same, so sitting down and taking the seats at her table was odd.

You’re right she should have challenged you on your unreasonable behaviour but she went for a low blow instead which is really shit and you shouldn’t have to put up with that ever.

What is the point of complaining to the organisers that a ticket holder has made a racist remark? What are they supposed to do? It's not their fault. It's not their job to police that sort of thing. It wasn't one of their staff members, What were they supposed to do about it?

They should have been taken to task over apparent over booking, though.

The woman was an absolute bitch for her racist comment. Silly cunt.

Was it a table for 6 or a bench?

She was very wrong and unreasonable to make a racist comment. Obviously.

I also don’t think you can just plonk yourselves down at someone else’s table.

However, it also seems like a really badly organised event. If you’d bought tickets that included food, I’d expect to be able to sit down somewhere to eat it.

It wasn’t ok for her to say what she said. You shouldn’t have sat down at the table though - it was pretty rude to do that

Because an event organiser has the right to remove a customer from a private event, for any racist, abusive or aggressive behaviour, even if they have purchased a ticket.

You were unreasonable to insist on sitting at the table. She had her family with her - when they came in, where would they sit?

Racism- looses all validity. However you were wrong to sit at the table after being told no- she had pre-filled the seats before the food- juts like you were trying to do. It was 'her' table and you chose to ignore that.

And she shouldn't have spoken to you in that racist way. But you shouldn't have sat down.

Okay, so it seems that I made the wrong call.
The venue was quite informal, a hotchpotch of chairs and tables. A lot of families were sharing tables. You just sat were you found a place. If they just went to the loo or to get the food, I wouldn't have sat down but her family was nowhere to be seen. I had taken my son on my lap and my husband was standing, so we only occupied that one chair. In that moment it felt a bit like she was putting a towel on a pool chair, so that no-one else can sit there.
To the comment, that it is common to reserve a table, I wouldn't do it, we either sit down when everyone is ready or not at all. But that might be a cultural thing.

To the comment, that it is common to reserve a table, I wouldn't do it, we either sit down when everyone is ready or not at all. But that might be a cultural thing.

What culture, just out of interest?

You were very unreasonable. Maybe one of the people had gone to the bathroom or gone to get a drink? There could have been a multitude of reasons. You just created unnecessary drama over nothing.

She told you her family was coming shortly when food was served but you still took their places? YABU that's really rude sorry