Reserving seats

[Waterbear79]

Hi, looking for some feedback. I felt sure I was in the right when it was happening but now it's bothering me. I was at a spooky walk with my husband and our five year old boy. There was supposed to be some hot food before the walk, served to those who paid for a ticket. The venue is quite small, maybe 60 seats and they had an unexpected turnout of some hundreds. The lady who organised the event told me while we were waiting outside that they will start serving food soon and we should try and find a place. Inside was already full but I did see a table with only an elderly lady and a teenager (one of her grandchildren). There were four empty seats at the table. When we approached she said that all seats at the table were taken, apparently her granddaughter can't sit still for so long, so they would come when the food is being served. I told her that it's not very considerate to hog a whole table when dozens of people are waiting outside. I just sat down with my son, my husband kept standing. She was pretty upset but I felt like I couldn't baçk off either. She stormed off then but not without adding that she hopes I go back to where I came from, which destroyed any goodwill I had left, because that's not something anyone non-british wants to hear. She then complained to the organisers, got a refund and went away with the whole family. Part of me feels bad that I ruined their evening. Did I overreact?

I think that is where we would have behaved differently. I wouldn't dare sitting down on my own when the largest part of my family is not there yet. I would have waited until everyone is ready to sit down.

Her comment was completely unacceptable but you were in the wrong. They told you the seats were taken but you still sat down.

The woman mentioned that her granddaughters can't sit for long. Did you consider that the GD might have special needs which means she cannot sit at a table all night???

Racism is never excusable, and I don't agree with her comments at all. I also find it strange that you just sat there- after she explained the above! If anything. I would have followed up with-

'Oh I see, would you mind if I sit here with my toddler on my lap until your family arrive then?'

That would have better than just plonking yourself down at their table!

But that’s just you’re own personal etiquette rule you had no right to impose it on a stranger who had already given you a perfectly valid reason for why the seats weren’t available.

Agree with everyone else.
Obviously her comment afterwards was completely wrong, but - to answer what you asked us all YWB completelyU to sit at he family's table when she had confirmed that all the seats were taken.

Thanks guys for the input, I might really have been out of line here according to you. I can understand most of your arguments, still a bit baffled that someone can declare a whole table in a public venue as their own without an official reservation. Could she have done it with the table next to us as well? Family of 12 coming soon, we need both tables?
I might see it in a different light tomorrow. Thanks!

You were wrong to just sit at her table that she had family also sitting at but wee temporarily doing something else. She was wrong to mention your nationality and she could have said something else to describe your rudeness without mentioning that. As a aside, this is why I avoid these mass gatherings of over priced so called 'family fun' events, amongst other reasons.

But OP weren’t you looking to do just the same? You wanted somewhere to sit, yet hadn’t got your food yet.

If you’d got their first, how would you have felt if someone had shown up and ousted you from the table?

What is a 'spooky walk'???

You're being deliberately obtuse now. She wasn't saving a whole table of 12. She was saving 4 other places at the table she was already sat at. You were in the wrong for ignoring her saved seats. She was wrong to make the comments she's made.

And it doesn't matter what country you're from, your culture or your race, you know it was rude to attempt to steal her families seats. You don't need to be British to know that.

She should under no circumstances have been a racist twat but she told you no because her granddaughter was coming but couldn't sit still for long enough to wait until the food was served. So I'd take from that that she is trying to cater for a granddaughter with potentially asd or adhd who had a medical need for the seat you decided to take anyway. So yes you were very unreasonable and I'd have been angry with you too because you effectively took the entire table away from them and left them with a neurodiverse child and nowhere to sit.

That was a genuine question, albeit hypothetical. She was saving 4 additional seats, but where do you draw the line? Would she be allowed to commandeer a second table if she were saving seats for a family of 12?
But as it is I have been sufficiently chastised and it won't happen again.

But she wasn’t so who cares?!

If I’m imagining it right and the type of venue it is I don’t think you were being unreasonable. It sounds like it was incredibly busy and the tables were all quite big and shared. If I was the lady at the table I would’ve said you could sit there for a while before their family came over with it being so busy it seems wrong to reserve seats.

OP, i totally get it.
I went for an event last night and there were no seats at all available. I saw two seats free among a larger table of 12. Asked to sit down, they said the seat was taken.
We then went around the whole area looking for more seats again, nothing. 5 mins later these two seats were still free.

So DH and i sat down. They gave the uproar of "you cant sit here the seat is saved". So i said ok, when your friend comes, I'll move.

They never came.

YABVU and you were really rude. She told you those seats were taken and you sat down anyway.

Obviously the racist comment was not acceptable, but that is a separate issue.

This.

Her comment was over the line, but i can understand that she was upset. I would have gotten the organisers to remove you.

OP - you haven't answered the question as to why you were doing anything different in wanting to reserve the table before you had food?

as previous poster said, I’d have had you moved.

Your behaviour was so odd, she literally told you the seats were taken and you sat down anyway? Your husband is was clearly mortified hence he didn’t sit down.

So if someone goes to the bathroom or back up to order more food you think it’s acceptable to just sit down in their place with the rest of their family?

You did spoil there evening and were incredibly rude. The racist comments where out of line but it would be interesting to see how it all went down. They fact they refunded her tickets says it all.

The fact that you keep bringing up this dramatic parallel universe situation that didn’t actually happen just shows you still don’t really think you did anything wrong.

You were really rude & sounded like you spoilt her enjoyment of the event. Glad she got her money back.

How do you know a refund was issued?

Yup you played a part in spoiling their evening when you decided to sit at someone else’s table. There wasn’t any room for you.

How did you expect it to play out when food was served?

The organisers also played a role in ruining their evening by not organising it better. They could have reserved tables for ticket holders.

The woman was bang out of order though for her racist comment.