Odd friendship since loss - who is BU?

[Mumtobe2305]

I have a dilemma at the moment and I cannot tell if I’m over reacting or if my friend is just being a bit crappy

Myself and best friend, both 30 fell pregnant in January this year. Unfortunately my pregnancy ended towards the end of the first trimester. It has been honestly the worst and hardest time, full of scans, bleeding, tests, failed miscarriage management and two haemorrhages.
I did distance myself from my best friend for a while, but continued to communicate with her by letting her know how I was feeling, why I needed space etc

I always ask her how her baby is doing, but realised she never asked me how I was doing or mentioned my loss. It was like she has avoided asking how I am since the loss because she doesn’t want to acknowledge it. I kept excusing her avoidance as maybe she feels guilty for some reason that I lost my pregnancy, or maybe she doesn’t want to talk about loss during pregnancy. The thing is, she hasn’t reached out even on my due date and ignored my text the other day about feeling a conflict of emotions about my loss due date and being pregnant again (currently 14 weeks). I chose not to go to her baby shower because it was the week before due date. Her husband then sent me a text 2 days before my due date (they know I was having a hard time) to say that my friend is struggling with being overdue but they are so excited to meet their healthy baby soon. I found the message really insensitive and I did reply saying I hope she is okay (her feelings are valid! I imagine being 9 months and uncomfortable is hard and of course she can complain, just maybe not to me 2 days before my loss due date) but I did also say I was finding it hard and was admittedly jealous as I wish I was meeting my baby soon.

We announced our pregnancy online the other day, and she didn’t comment, like, or acknowledge.

I keep wondering if maybe she feels a bit of resentment that I wasn’t at her baby shower or haven’t gushed over her pregnancy, but my loss has knocked me for six and still affects me. Just because I’m pregnant again doesn’t erase my loss baby.

So who is BU. Because I’m so upset about it I am really wondering if I want her as a friend as I feel like the hardest time of my life was brushed under the carpet. Honest opinions, if you think maybe I’m BU please say why

My best friend and I had the same due date for our second children. My pregnancy ended at 9 weeks and hers resulted in a beautiful daughter. It was a long time ago so she didn’t have a baby shower as they weren’t a thing then. However, we still saw lots of each other and I held her daughter within hours of her birth. I’m not saying it all felt hunkydory but it was worth the effort on my part to be there for my friend. She never understood how hard it was and came out with all sorts of unintentionally hurtful comments over the years, eg “your little one should be starting school today the same as DD”, often dredging up feelings in me that had been healing and making them raw. It took years for me to finally tell her to stop the ‘inclusion’ with whatever her DD was doing and she was mortified - she had thought she was keeping my baby ‘alive’ for me.

People can make assumptions, not want to upset you more or just get things jumbled through messaging but, if the friendship is valuable to both of you, it will settle in time and you won’t feel so raw.