Children's birthday parties at their home

[pumpkinspicelatte22]

Hi just wondering if anyone can advise as I don't want to be cheeky or presumptuous.

My daughter was invited to a birthday party at another child's house from school. The majority of children attending will be aged 3/4. I don't really know the parents only to say hello to at the school if I'm dropping off which isn't very often but we live in a small village.

I have other children who are older but not old enough to stay home alone and my husband is away that same weekend. Do I decline the invitation which will mean dd has to miss out or is there a polite way of asking the parents hosting is it a drop off and go? Most parties we've been to have been held at play centres and it has been drop and go so this is the first time I've had this situation. If dh was home he'd mind the older kids whilst I bring dd but I can't bring dd with my older two as the host might feel pressured to invite us all in which would look very cheeky. Any advice please?

Just ask if it’s drop and go

dont mention the other children, as that might look like you’re angling for them all to come

I would ask them, explain your situation if necessary and stress you're not angling to bring the others etc

At that age I would assume that parents would need to stay. Easiest thing is to ask. Either ask if you're happy for your child to be left, or if they're happy for you to stay. Then if they say you need to stay, either decline on childcare grounds, or ask if you can bring the siblings.
Personally, I'm happy for siblings to come, as long as I know beforehand!

Are you friends with other parents? I’d team up in that instance where a friends parent can take and look after their DC and your child, then you swap at the next party. Most age 3/4 parties here aren’t drop and go but it’s common for friends to take friends children.

I wouldn’t leave my 3 year old at someone’s house if I didn’t know them, just check with the host via text.

I wouldn’t ‘drop off and go’ a 3 / 4 year old at any party personally.

Etiquette wise - usually wait until they are double that age at least!

Just text and ask if parents stay or go. I just had a party for 4 year olds and of course didn't mind people asking! Parents didn't need to stay for ours, and about half dropped and left, and half stayed.

If it's the norm for parties to be drop and go I would think it would be perfectly ok , but you could just text the other parent something along the lines of "I can't stay; is it ok if I just drop DD off?"

Double?

christ, I’m glad my kids don’t go to school with yours

nothing worse than parents lurking around at a 5/6 year olds party

I think once they're at primary school, they can be left at a party. Younger than that they need supervision!

Just say she would
love to go but husband is away and no childcare.
sorry. You’re not going to leave a 3 year old with actual strangers surely?!

I would not be leaving a 3/4 years old at a party

I wouldn't leave a three year old at any party, apart from anything else at that age both of mine sometimes still needed help going to the toilet!
Think DS was 7 when I started leaving him, though he does have food allergies so wanted to wait until I was sure he wouldn't just take what offered.
DD is now 7 but she has SEN so I only leave her if I know the parents well.

It won't be drop and go at that age so I would either ask if siblings can come or ask one of the other parents who is taking their kids if they would be able to watch yours too.

Funny how different some areas are, I haven't heard of a single person trying to drop and go in reception 4-5yr parties so far, we only leave little kids with good friends for brief periods. It's a bit much to ask the hosts to look after your DD with toilet, opening food packets, drinks, managing any disputes etc. Better to ask a friend to look after her.

I'd say y3 before leaving them. I'd message and say you have older ones so would need to bring them if dc is attending.

Parents always stayed at that age when my kids were young too, saying that I never had a party in my house, feck THAT 😁

OP are you saying that in your crowd parents leave pre school age children at a soft play centre party??

When mine were at preschool it was never drop and go, it’s way too much to expect the host to look after 3 or just 4 year olds.
Same for Reception year too, parties are still parent accompanied as the kids get to know each other. I’d say year 1 or 2 is when drop and go begins.
I’d let her know your situation, say you can’t make it as you have an older child to look after. There’s a chance there might be space for your older child to tag along, but I’d leave it for the host to offer.

Like some others have said, etiquette in this situation is that you agree with another parent (not the host) to keep an eye on your child at the party. But only if your child is generally easy going and actually knows the other parent (e.g. would accept a hug or a telling off from them!). I wouldn't leave a 3 or 4 year old at a party with people I didn't know. Not fair on the child.

I always had 'at home' parties for my DC. I used to specify on the invitations "Parents/Grandparents/nannies/siblings are all welcome too", precisely to save people from having to worry about what to do. It's a bit dense of the party parent not to see that childcare for siblings might be a problem with children of that age. I'd just ask whether it would be okay for you to drop and go (if you're actually happy to do this) as you don't have childcare. If you're not happy to drop and go (and I wouldn't have been), then say your DC won't be able to go as you don't have childcare for the other DC. If they're 3 or 4, they'll soon forget it.

'Hi Jane, thanks so much for inviting dc3! Unfortunately, dh is away so I don't have childcare for my older two, so I wouldn't be able to stay with her, so we can't make it this time. Hope your dc has a fabulous party x'.

Then surely any sensible party-holder can either politely accept your apologies/say it's fine to drop (which might or might not be ok with you)/say bring the older ones, everyone welcome.

I'd say to the host unfortunately dh is away so won't be able to attend unless it's drop and run.

The first time my DS was invited to a new friends party I had no idea you were meant to stay - he was 3 - I waved a cheery goodbye and did think the mum looked a little surprised but nothing was said and he was perfectly happy when I picked him up . The mum kindly said he had behaved very well.

Explain to the parent, they might be able to arrange another parent to pick up and drop off for you. Never be afraid to ask, you'll be amazed how helpful other parents can be.