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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP said this to my DS

56 replies

SPH112 · 29/10/2022 10:00

Aibu or being too sensitive.

We were out yesterday and eating. There was me, DS6, DP and their DD11.

We were just talking about who is the fussiest among us as DP said she was the most and then DS and her DD joined in and were like yea we only like certain foods. Then my DP said we'll your DS is the most infuriating. I said that's really not a nice thing to say. Especially in front of him.

They just said oh sorry I didn't mean it like that. DP has a habit of "saying stuff they didn't mean" but it's harsh stuff they say.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Weirdlynormal · 29/10/2022 10:02

That’s a nasty thing to say to a child.

Keyansier · 29/10/2022 10:03

I would be inclined to believe her. It's not a normal response with the conversation you've described and it sounds like she used the wrong word by accident and that's why she said she didn't mean it like that. I do that sometimes.

IceMagic · 29/10/2022 10:03

It's the sort of comment that will stay with your son. Maybe don't play that game again.

Testina · 29/10/2022 10:04

I think you might need to describe the situation more clearly.

She might be an absolute nasty piece of work that you have repeatedly failed to protect your small child from - or that might be a group larking around.

How did your son feel?

What is this history of things not meant?

Marcipex · 29/10/2022 10:04

If he doesn’t like him aged 6, how will things be when he’s 16?

Original poster
SPH112 · 29/10/2022 10:04

Keyansier · 29/10/2022 10:03

I would be inclined to believe her. It's not a normal response with the conversation you've described and it sounds like she used the wrong word by accident and that's why she said she didn't mean it like that. I do that sometimes.

Sorry to add. She meant most infuriating whilst eating. He is slow, so yea I get maybe it is annoying. However I couldn't believe she said that in front of him and used that word.

OP posts:
Testina · 29/10/2022 10:05

“Infuriating” is an odd word to use on its own.
What did she actually say?

GrazingSheep · 29/10/2022 10:06

Have you posted about her before and how badly she treats your 6 year old? If you are the same person then you will get the same answer. Your son has one childhood. You are fucking it up by inflicting your shit relationship on him.

Original poster
SPH112 · 29/10/2022 10:07

Testina · 29/10/2022 10:04

I think you might need to describe the situation more clearly.

She might be an absolute nasty piece of work that you have repeatedly failed to protect your small child from - or that might be a group larking around.

How did your son feel?

What is this history of things not meant?

My DS is luckily quite oblivious to stuff and doesn't take it in. He didn't say anything.

Well at the weekend we hadn't seen each other for a week due to both being busy. She said that like was easier as she didn't have to think about me or how I felt. I said it was extremely mean thing to say. She said it came out wrong and she didn't mean it like that.

OP posts:
Testina · 29/10/2022 10:07

Ah crossed post - that makes more sense, you tend to use infuriating with a context.

Look, you were there. You know the history. You’ve posted.

So you know this isn’t OK.

Keyansier · 29/10/2022 10:07

SPH112 · 29/10/2022 10:04

Sorry to add. She meant most infuriating whilst eating. He is slow, so yea I get maybe it is annoying. However I couldn't believe she said that in front of him and used that word.

Show quote history

Well in that case, it's not a nice or appropriate thing to say to a child. How nasty can you get.

Testina · 29/10/2022 10:08

“My DS is luckily quite oblivious to stuff and doesn't take it in”

Don’t be so stupid.

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 10:08

Leave them for your child's sake

donttellmehesalive · 29/10/2022 10:08

It would be a nasty thing to say unsolicited but it does sound as if all four of you were engaged in conversation about who was fussier, with several people saying that they themselves were the fussiest.

It also depends on the tone and intention. Laughingly saying 'your ds is the most infuriating because...' is not as bad as giving ds a hard stare and 'you are fucking infuriating to me.'

I don't know, but it just seems like the context is important. DP did also apologise and explain when pulled up on it. I suppose it depends whether they have form for nasty comments or whether this was a forgivable one-off.

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 29/10/2022 10:09

Are you the chap whose partner threw a shitfit about some chairs at an outdoor event and was mean to your son about it? Just sounds like a familiar set up. If so, she really doesn't sound like a nice person to have around your child.

SuperCamp · 29/10/2022 10:11

So your DP went beyond the bounds of the comparison to say your Ds was infuriating for reasons which had nothing to do with fussiness?

The whole conversation was a row waiting to happen, given the ages, blended family context, sensitivities etc. These sorts of conversations are often used for a passive aggressive sideswipe.

Be aware, be alert.

donttellmehesalive · 29/10/2022 10:11

"Well at the weekend we hadn't seen each other for a week due to both being busy. She said that like was easier as she didn't have to think about me or how I felt. I said it was extremely mean thing to say. She said it came out wrong and she didn't mean it like that."

I think just end it. You are not compatible. She thinks you are sensitive and hard work. You think she says unkind things. It doesn't sound like a 'forever' relationship to me.

PeekAtYou · 29/10/2022 10:14

My DS is luckily quite oblivious to stuff and doesn't take it in
My ds used to do this because he didn't want to make a fuss. It would be acceptable for her to moan about his slow eating away from him but maybe you should consider not playing this game because it would eventually lead to your son being named.
Your partner doesn't sound very nice at all. I hope her dd isn't a victim of the things she says but didn't mean to say.

SuperCamp · 29/10/2022 10:14

Your DP and her Dd were talking about themselves and their own level of fussiness, fine!

Your much younger 6 yo dud not ask for criticism from them.

Nasty.

SuperCamp · 29/10/2022 10:18

My DS is luckily quite oblivious to stuff and doesn't take it in. He didn't say anything.

Really? You think?

Of course he takes it in.

What is a 6 year old going to say when his parent’s DP has a go at him?

Untitledsquatboulder · 29/10/2022 10:18

I think it would depend on the context. I also think it's perfectly reasonable of her to find a working week easier without having to centre your feelings the whole time. Why on earth do you think she should?

Original poster
SPH112 · 29/10/2022 10:18

Thanks everyone. I wanted to gauge opinions as I've discussed with some friends and they say she may have just used a wrong word and didn't mean anything by it.

OP posts:
JoanCandy · 29/10/2022 10:18

Just these couple of examples make her sound awful.
Think of your DS and protect his self esteem from being eroded further by this bully.
Get rid.

Original poster
SPH112 · 29/10/2022 10:20

Untitledsquatboulder · 29/10/2022 10:18

I think it would depend on the context. I also think it's perfectly reasonable of her to find a working week easier without having to centre your feelings the whole time. Why on earth do you think she should?

I really don't. We just discuss our days. She tells me about the dramas of her Job and DD. We just discuss our days

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 29/10/2022 10:20

What was the tone? If you were all joking at the time, I think you are overreacting.