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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH lying about something so stupid

28 replies

Bluebi · 28/10/2022 23:22

He is adamant that he called me for dinner several times tonight and there is no way I wouldn’t have heard him. (I was in the next room with baby DS and the walls are paper thin so had he done so I would have 100% heard him). It’s erupted into a huge row with him saying he can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe him. I’m really confused how something so small has blown up into something so big. I’m even more confused about the fact I know he’s not telling the truth and he’s getting so angry about me “accusing” him. How can he do that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebi · 28/10/2022 23:23

It’s not the first time I should say where he has lied about something so insignificant and sworn to me that black is white over it. Last time he told me he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t trust him

OP posts:
FatEaredFuck · 28/10/2022 23:24

Is it possible he's confused/is having poor memory?

Brigante9 · 28/10/2022 23:24

Have you asked him why he’s lying?

FangsForTheMemory · 28/10/2022 23:25

He’s gaslighting you. So why is he worried you don’t trust him?

Original poster
Bluebi · 28/10/2022 23:26

He’s swearing to all manner of Gods that he’s not lying. @FatEaredFuck I used to think that but similar happens to often for it not just to be gaslighting.

OP posts:
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 28/10/2022 23:26

Simplest answer is you can’t trust him. And he knows it. He’s making this your fault so that he can split up without looking like the bad guy.

sorry, that’s what I’d be taking from this. He’s a gaslighting twat.

Cw112 · 28/10/2022 23:26

Is it possible he was calling you quietly if he knew you were in with the baby and you genuinely didn't hear him? It's a weird response to blatantly lie about that unless he's prone to gaslighting and trying to confuse you on purpose?

Original poster
Bluebi · 28/10/2022 23:26

FangsForTheMemory · 28/10/2022 23:25

He’s gaslighting you. So why is he worried you don’t trust him?

Exactly @FangsForTheMemory. So what do I do when he’s getting so angry with me for not believing him? When he knows he’s lying. Just what on earth?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebi · 28/10/2022 23:27

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 28/10/2022 23:26

Simplest answer is you can’t trust him. And he knows it. He’s making this your fault so that he can split up without looking like the bad guy.

sorry, that’s what I’d be taking from this. He’s a gaslighting twat.

But why can’t he just admit it when he knows that I know? Why does he have to twist the knife that little bit more?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 28/10/2022 23:30

How do these things erupt into arguments ???

my house :
“why didn’t you call me for dinner”
”I did”
”I didn’t hear you”

Goes to eat tea …

Original poster
Bluebi · 28/10/2022 23:32

Because I know he didn’t and because he does this kind of stuff all the time about everything

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 28/10/2022 23:34

I smell bullshit. 😉

Changingplace · 28/10/2022 23:34

How bizarre, even if he did call, if you didn’t respond but were just in the next room why wouldn’t he just put his head in and say ‘did you hear me I was shouting you for dinner’.

To turn it back on him, why would you want to be with someone who makes up such ridiculous unnecessary arguments?

nokidshere · 28/10/2022 23:36

We live in a new build. We can hear everything. So I'm always amazed when I have been calling DH and the boys for ages and then they profess to have not heard me. And I shout loudly!

allboysherebutme · 28/10/2022 23:41

He's a man, most of them lie for no reason, not all, but most of them, they just like to wind you up. X

GreenNewDealNow · 28/10/2022 23:46

It is possible he wants to break up but is too cowardly to say this so is creating false arguments and blaming you so he can begin the break up process.

Pixiedust1234 · 28/10/2022 23:55

Hes goading you into a fight so he can pretend to be a victim. Its called fucking with your mind just because.

My DH did this to me this year. He said he told me something, I said I didn't hear because I was in another room, resulted in an escalating argument where I was getting increasingly confused about it all...he finished the argument by saying it was my fault for not being in the same room as him when he decided to speak to me.

Yep. Thats when I realised it was control and nothing to do with the actual subject. What else has he done where you've felt uneasy?

Original poster
Bluebi · 29/10/2022 00:04

Pixiedust1234 · 28/10/2022 23:55

Hes goading you into a fight so he can pretend to be a victim. Its called fucking with your mind just because.

My DH did this to me this year. He said he told me something, I said I didn't hear because I was in another room, resulted in an escalating argument where I was getting increasingly confused about it all...he finished the argument by saying it was my fault for not being in the same room as him when he decided to speak to me.

Yep. Thats when I realised it was control and nothing to do with the actual subject. What else has he done where you've felt uneasy?

I’m sorry you have gone through similar. What have you done about it @Pixiedust1234?

Just other similar incidents - telling me that something 100% trivial has happened when I know it hasn’t and escalated the argument over whether it did or not beyond all sense of reasonableness.

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 29/10/2022 00:10

allboysherebutme · 28/10/2022 23:41

He's a man, most of them lie for no reason, not all, but most of them, they just like to wind you up. X

Usual pathetic MN misogyny.

Livelovebehappy · 29/10/2022 00:14

It all sounds really, really petty. I can’t believe something as trivial as this blew up into a full blown argument, unless something has been brewing and this came on top of other niggles. I’ve had instances where I’ve called my DH for dinner, he doesn’t respond, I call again, still doesn’t respond, and I’ve had to physically walk into another room to tell him face to face. He’ll say he didn’t hear me, i feel slightly pissed off that maybe he would have, and do a bit of eye rolling, but it doesn’t escalate into a mega row.

Dotcheck · 29/10/2022 00:16

Is it entirely possible that you didn’t hear?
Ears sometimes block/ buzz etc

Veuvelily · 29/10/2022 00:19

How old is he?
seriously, this type of behaviour was one of the first indicators of memory problems fir my dad.

Original poster
Bluebi · 29/10/2022 00:30

He’s only 35. It’s not memory, it’s not a misunderstanding, it’s not me not hearing him. I know it sounds petty. It’s gaslighting and I need to understand why?

OP posts:
squelchynethers · 29/10/2022 00:36

Because he can
Because he's unreasonable
He's a liar abusive wants you to split with him so he doesn't have to take the blame ?
Whatever his reason is if you ever actually find out op, isnt going to be nice or reasonable

To to swap this around, what are you prepared to do for you?
What and where are your boundaries, and has he be
breached them yet

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2022 00:36

I cant help thinking there is more to this.

For him to do this often and get into a rage when you disagree with him, I wonder if there is something wrong and he suspects that there is and is frightened.

Could you talk to him in a calm moment, no kids about, and say that you are worried about it and could you go to the doctors together about it. Frame it in a way that he would find less stressful, like maybe you are worried he is stressed about work or money or whatever.

It doesnt come across as classic abusive gaslighting to me, it seems that he genuinely thinks he has done something and then gets angry when you point out that he hasnt and he has no reason to think that you are lying. Smells of fear to me.

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