Hen do issues

[Nettty]

Friend is getting married next year and she has 4 bridesmaids who are in charge of planning the hen do. I'd be interested to know what others would do in this situation.

Bridesmaid 1 & 2 can do any weekend

Bridesmaid 3 can do any weekend, but only from Saturday evening due to religious commitments (so could so Sat eve - Mon) for example.

Bridesmaid 4 is a single mum to 2 children and doesn't have them every other weekend. No flexibility with swapping weekends due to court order with horrible ex and no family to help out.

Arguments are happening because bridesmaid 3 wants it to be Sat eve - Mon to accommodate her religious commitments, but this would mean bridesmaid 4 would have to leave the hen do a day early as she has no one to have her children the Sunday evening.

What's the best solution here? Any suggestion I think of seems unreasonable to one of the bridesmaids!

*RESPITE! 😄

I'd go Fri eve- Sunday so anyone attending can come after work and whatever commitments they have. If it suits the majority then that's the best option.

Just make it one night -Saturday. Job done.

I would have the hen do on a Saturday evening that B4 can make. If there is no where local suitable then somewhere within 1.5 hrs and an overnight stay somewhere.

Definitely wouldn't try to do a two+ night hen do - very unlikely everyone in the group would want that anyway.

All the more reason not to expect people to take time off on another day

Ok just read the bride wants a two day hen do. Ugh.

In that case I would make the main event Saturday night but with optional 'pre-hen' before if people WANT to add that on too. Still not too far away so the travel for one night isn't a big deal.

Surely half the point of being committed to something, be it work, religion, marriage a diet etc is the expectation that you miss out sometimes?

Friday to Monday with people attending the days they can make.

What are you planning on doing?

Fri to Sunday, rates for 1 or 2 nights provided, people do what works. Not many will want to use 2 Mondays of annual leave for someone elses wedding events esp when 1 is only to suit a guest going to a hen party!

Have you asked the rest of the girls invited if they would be willing to take a day AL to do Saturday - Monday? If the general consensus is no, which I think will be likely, then it becomes a case of being out voted not B3 against B4 so may avoid some drama in that sense.

Another thing to take into consideration is what activities you are wanting to do, and what timings they are available. For instance, cocktail making at 5pm on a Saturday is going to have a completely different vibe than cocktail making at 2pm on a Sunday.

Just go out for dinner and drinks on Saturday night. Why the need to drag it out?

Best solution is to do Fri-Sun with religious bridesmaid joining on the Saturday evening.

However you look at it, it’s everyone else having to forgo by far the most convenient times for religious bridesmaid (who the hell wants to still be on a hen do on a Monday) and she needs to accept she can’t do the most convenient time so it’s her that will have to make the sacrifice not everyone else.

Bride, BM3 or BM 4 - one or all of them are going to have to be a bit flexible. It sounds like both 3 & 4 have reasons equally valid to them. Am I right in assuming BM 3 is observing Sabbath so would miss all of Friday evening and Saturday day until 6? (Apologies if I’m wrong on details). Rather than popping out for a couple of hours. So in either scenario BM3/4 lose out on an evening and a day?

if that’s the case - and assuming everyone else can do either - bride needs to decide which one is going to miss out.

My suggestion is to make sure that you plan activities in a way so that the person missing on one day is not also missing whatever activities they prefer the most.

Just ask the bride what she wants to do. She’s the one who picked 4 bridesmaids with different schedules.