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Original poster

Hen do issues

65 replies

Nettty · 27/10/2022 20:47

Friend is getting married next year and she has 4 bridesmaids who are in charge of planning the hen do. I'd be interested to know what others would do in this situation.

Bridesmaid 1 & 2 can do any weekend

Bridesmaid 3 can do any weekend, but only from Saturday evening due to religious commitments (so could so Sat eve - Mon) for example.

Bridesmaid 4 is a single mum to 2 children and doesn't have them every other weekend. No flexibility with swapping weekends due to court order with horrible ex and no family to help out.

Arguments are happening because bridesmaid 3 wants it to be Sat eve - Mon to accommodate her religious commitments, but this would mean bridesmaid 4 would have to leave the hen do a day early as she has no one to have her children the Sunday evening.

What's the best solution here? Any suggestion I think of seems unreasonable to one of the bridesmaids!

OP posts:
StrataZon · 27/10/2022 21:12

Nettty · 27/10/2022 21:08

Everyone going works week days and not weekends, other than one person invited (not a bridesmaid) who works weekends.

So that's your deciding point then. Needs to be over a weekend so no-one has to take annual leave.
So either 3 doesn't go to her religious duties for 1 weekend or she comes on Saturday evening.

What day is the wedding? I take it not a Saturday?

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 27/10/2022 21:12

AssumingDirectControl · 27/10/2022 20:54

Just do something nice on the Saturday night.

Exactly this
I really don't understand why "hen nights" seem to have turned into really expensive whole weekends it's crazy

Livpool · 27/10/2022 21:12

America12 · 27/10/2022 20:49

Accommodate B4. B3 can come after her religious commitments. IMO.
Sounds like a lot of hassle 😬

Agree with this. Bridesmaid 4 has no choice so why should she suffer

luciaann · 27/10/2022 21:13

BM3 can join on the Saturday. Why should the whole party have to do what she wants. Fri-sun is so much more convenient

Original poster
Nettty · 27/10/2022 21:14

@StrataZon The actual wedding is on a Sunday.

OP posts:
ArnoldBee · 27/10/2022 21:15

And whilst the bride wants 2 nights she might have to learn that other people have lives outside of her wedding.

BattenburgDonkey · 27/10/2022 21:16

I’d accommodate number 4, as the days are likely to work better for everyone else anyway and 3 can just join Saturday evening.

SkimmyWins · 27/10/2022 21:16

It doesn’t really matter about the bridesmaids availability, more so what most of the other guests can do.

Id see what everyone else would prefer (fri-sun or Sat-mon) and let that be the decider

I disagree with posters on here’s view that a religious requirement is any less important than BM4s kids. But this is MN where those with kids are usually top of the food chain

SkimmyWins · 27/10/2022 21:17

ArnoldBee · 27/10/2022 21:15

And whilst the bride wants 2 nights she might have to learn that other people have lives outside of her wedding.

How miserable.

AltroVinoPerFavore · 27/10/2022 21:24

This is a no-brainer. Do Friday to Sunday as suits vast majority of hen party. B3 will have to go a day late if she's not able to miss other commitment.

SerenaTee · 27/10/2022 21:26

B4 has a non-negotiable, legally binding commitment, B3 has a voluntary commitment (unless it’s her job?) so B4 trumps it for me.

Workawayxx · 27/10/2022 21:37

3 nights fri to mon, each attendee can choose which nights suit them. Bride and bm3 have a chilled Sunday night together if they’re the only ones left.

Original poster
Nettty · 27/10/2022 21:41

Bride can't do 3 nights 🥴

OP posts:
Waitingfordecember · 27/10/2022 21:55

So either 3 or 4 would have to miss part of the hen do for reasons out of their control?

Is the bride significantly closer to one over the other? If not I’d go with Friday-Sunday. Neither option works for everyone, but at least that way most of the guests won’t need to use annual leave.

Confusion101 · 27/10/2022 22:06

3 of the bridesmaids can only do weekends. Majority rules. B3 has to suck it up

Sikaris · 27/10/2022 22:09

Why can't it be one night?

latetothefisting · 27/10/2022 22:27

I'd put it to the rest of the group (i.e. the non bridesmaids) and do majority vote. I'd imagine most people would agree with BM4 so they wouldn't have to take a days leave but at least that way BM3 can't argue it's not fair. Basically the main thing is for bride to have as many people be able to attend as possible, that's going to be more likely for a Fri-Sun rather than Sat-Mon.

Lindengericht · 27/10/2022 22:31

Showing my age here but when did Jen nights become hen weekends? Complete overkill and there is no way I would use my annual leave for that. So no to a Monday.
Friday to Sunday maximum.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 27/10/2022 22:34

Could BM3 do Friday night then come back for Saturday night after religious commitments are met? Either way I'd say Friday - Sunday because majority of people aren't going to want or be able to take the Monday off.

escapingthecity · 27/10/2022 22:37

It would be a big no from me to taking a Monday off, but then I also have a No Overnight Hen Dos policy

WaltzingWaters · 27/10/2022 22:39

Nobody wants to take Monday off for a hen do. Friday - Sunday. Bridesmaid 3 can decide which she’d rather do or join afterwards. And that’s what will be best for pretty much everyone except her.

cc1997 · 27/10/2022 22:39

No one wants to do a hen do on a Sunday night.
Saturday night - Sunday. Sorted. Surely?

DashboardConfessional · 27/10/2022 22:43

I disagree with posters on here’s view that a religious requirement is any less important than BM4s kids. But this is MN where those with kids are usually top of the food chain

So you think the BM with children not going home on Sunday night to her children has the same practical consequences as the other bridesmaid missing her religious gathering on Saturday. Right-o. For what it's worth it would be the same consequences if BM4 was a carer for a partner or parent who had respote that ended on Sunday afternoon.

Greybutterfly · 27/10/2022 22:44

It’s also about accommodating the guests. No one wants to do Saturday to Monday. So one person means the entire hen party are inconvenienced. Ask the bride to decide whether to do Friday to Sunday or Saturday to Sunday

mondaytosunday · 27/10/2022 22:44

Something Saturday night - out for dinner etc. If it has to be overnight then they have the whole Sunday, then home Sunday evening. Not many would want to take a Monday off work whatever their weekend commitments.