AIBU to try to Condition my colleague to leave me alone?

[SweetBlues]

So I recently started a new job which I was hoping that I would really like. But I’m starting to really hate it and I’m wondering whether I should quit though I know I can’t because I have a mortgage to pay and kids to feed.

Basically I work alongside another two people
and while they are not my senior I am responsible for doing a few very minor tasks for them such as creating PDFs, running reports and sending out instructions to solicitors. This is not my sole function , it’s a bit of a dogs body role. I also liaise with solicitors on existing matters, and am responsible
for a lot compliance stuff such as auditing Finance and legal documents. It’s heavy admin wise and involves a lot of focus and attention to detail.

What I am really struggling with is that one of the colleagues
has decided that his preferred Method of communication is to shout over the office at me - each and every time he sends me an email, or to Nag me about his emails or to make corrections. He is not aggressive but it is becoming a constant annoyance. He is just very loud and obtuse.

Here are his gripes so far today

1. We were both addressed in an email on an existing matter. I responded , keeping him cc’d in. My answer was adequate but I should have changed the subject line to include our reference number. FYI it’s an existing email trail that pre-dates me joining the business and the case is easily identifiable As the name and address is in the subject line. From now on , I am to do this on all email trails.

1. A client requested a call at a specific time.

I couldn’t as I was not available and there was no prior notice so I had no opportunity to wriggle the diary around. I responded with apologies and asked for a more suitable time. He wants me to make the call immediately next time…. Never mind that he had actually send me 11 tasks And nagged continuously, loudly expressing that each was more urgent then the next.

1. These 11 tasks landed Within a 2.5 hour window.. 2 of these tasks required directors input so I drafted instructions but couldn’t do much more

as the director and sole decision maker was busy. The other nine tasks were all very minor none of which were urgent think just merging except spreadsheets to a pdf. Super easy stuff, it’s a few simple clicks of a button and hey presto! During this same window I was auditing documents and the system for two cases that are due to complete tomorrow. So priorities should be the tasks which impact external parties significantly

The constant interruptions are distracting and causing me to make errors. Also it’s embarrassing and under mining.

I tried signposting with him and setting his expectations such eg. I’ve got your email and I’ll look at it shortly, but nope. Not good enough. He wasn’t even allowing an hour window at all.

I then asked about SLAS - only one task can be at the top of the pile at any one time. Again no, this doesn’t work for him.

I’m really at a loss. How do I resolve this?

i’ve tried the sensible things but do I now resort to non sensible? it’s a clear desk policy so I have nothing to hand to throw at him. What else can I do? Should I start just spraying him each time he talks to to me? With water?

Also sorry for my errors and bad punctuation. This was written in my iPhone and my fingers are far too chunky for the buttons

Do you think you could wear headphones and say it helps you concentrate. You’ll take them off to speak to him at 9, 11:30, 2 and 3:30. Otherwise you’re getting on with your work. Perhaps some sort of shared task management system?

Is he your line manager? If so I’d leave. People like him are full of their self-importance and don’t tend to compromise.

What an absolute prat.

If you are recent in post will you have a review meeting with your manager shortly? Can you raise concerns with them about how to manage demanding clients and your colleagues. Headphones seem lime a good idea.

I think headphones and what else the poster said is a great idea so he is a not allowed to interrupt your very busy and important day unless it is the allocated time. Alternatively get one of those really loud air raid siren alarms and blast it everytime he shouts at you and before that tell him you do not answer yelling put it in an email and you will address it later twat

Try responding with a nerf gun.
I have one in my drawer at work.

I'm a solicitor, but when I was a paralegal, I'd be firm and say. No, that I didn't have immediate capacity, but would anticipate that provided nothing urgent came in that I would be able to do x job at Y time whilst making clear that anything else would be bumped further down the list unless he specified something in particular absolutely had to be done first. I still do this now.

As you don't yet have the measure of him, if he does want you to prioritise something and bump other work, get it in writing from him so you have an audit trail.

If you do not set boundaries this will get worse and you will be overloaded and stressed.

I'd add that in the beginning I tried to to everything. Bottom line however is that you're one person and can only do so much at once. He needs to be reasonable. There is no shame in saying you're in the middle of something and that whatever it is can wait unless it is genuinely urgent.

He is not my line manager - the owner / our managing director has said we are a team.. equals. I don’t report to him just have to work together on tasks.

that sounds awful. If you are in charge of prioritising your own workload do that - you're new, so if I'm being charitable maybe he's giving you a few tips?

Are you the only woman?

If he shouts across the office- next time, stand up, go over to him and ask him to speak to you like a grown up not someone in the playground.
If he's emailing you tasks, ignore the follow ups and so on unless they contain useful / vital info. When you reply, reply to his first mail and ignore the others.

How long have you been there? Maybe a meeting with the boss early next week for feedback for you, and for you to give feedback to them?

I'd say I'm your equal not your report, treat me as such ...loud and clear right back at him over the office... once bitten, twice shy, even the bully dogs.

Tell him you need to keep track of everything so work/nagging etc all has to be by email ONLY

There is myself , another woman who does a level of sales/marketing. The rest are all men

Start sending him urgent tasks instead.

Can you send him a friendly email?

and why not teach him how to convert a document to PDF? It takes a minute!

dear pest

i appreciate your input in assisting me as I’m new in the role but can we please come to an understanding whereby you understand that I cannot complete your tasks immediately due to other priorities

also please send requests via email rather than verbally as that way I have a chain of reminders

you can word it better than that but you get the gist

also remember he is a giant toddler and no real threat

Honestly, I’d shout back ‘Stop shouting at me, I got the email and I am neither blind nor deaf’. If he carries on, I’d put in a complaint about him treating you like his servant. He sounds horrific.

I don't think you should be forced into leaving over this. The email from Quitelikeit is a good interim measure, with escalation to the boss if this doesn't resolve it

He is trying to bully you, don't let him.

I just noticed the convert to PDF thing. How are there people who simply don't know you click Save As and select PDF?

Definitely set some some boundaries before he drives you insane.

Also you definitely need to teach everyone in the office how to convert docs to PDF and categorically refuse ever to do it for them again.

*to ever do it for them

This.

Perhaps - next time shout back I’m buying headphones at lunchtime because your shouting disturbs the entire office and is counter productive. I only need to be asked once and I’m going to save us both time by teaching you how to make your own pdfs. He may be the reason the job was vacant, put him back in his box!

He’s a sexist twat. He thinks you’re there to serve him. You need to speak to your manager about how your colleague is impeding your work.

So update: I quit.

Colleague continued to be rude, passive aggressive, obnoxious and over the past few weeks has taken to asking my opinion about the industry, best practise, laws and regulation and irrespective of what I say, he will use my answer to then berate me or try to make me feel stupid. I heard about a role, had the interview and was successful then gave my employer one weeks notice once I received the job contract. The directors were both very apologetic, asked if I would change my mind and both did say they wish they had said something to colleague.. though obviously I’d made up mind to go as they weren’t minded to address his behaviour until this point which just seems too little, too late. So I’m off to better things xx