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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cocklodger escape

75 replies

DarceyG · 27/10/2022 11:49

Just wanting to vent really and get this off my chest. Too embarrassed to tell my friends as I feel a bit silly.

Met a guy only around 6 weeks ago he seems to nice, American living in the UK.

Starting going on dates, when my child was with her father had some really good laughs we seemed very much alike and I started to really like him. We saw each just twice a week but texted a lot. Then it’s started, can you transfer me £20 just until my wage goes in tomorrow. Stupidly I did, already aware of the cocklodger from MN (thanks)

Then suddenly I was cooking dinner oh then can you just get a few beers on your way home I will give you the money.

Never saw any money so eventually on Saturday I had a few drinks and I can’t remember the words exactly but I basically said he was cocklodger! Barely heard from him after that so I just blocked him.

Feel really silly now for being such an idiot when I fully know what a cocklodger is! Feel like a need a good slap for not telling where to go after the £20

I consider myself fairly attractive and hold a good job why would some bloke think I’d need to pay for him to be around. Debt to my ego🥴

OP posts:
NotTooOldPaul · 30/10/2022 18:12

bewarethetides · 30/10/2022 11:12

Well done for calling him out on it. He had some nerve to then call you full on for doing so! Well rid.

As a man on here I totally agree with bewarethetides.
Move on and find a man who is a man, who will treat you as an equal and not as a meal ticket.

thelonghaul · 30/10/2022 19:25

Not silly. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, but caught on pretty quickly. Good for you.

It's disappointing though, seeing the true colours of someone you liked and trusted. Write it off as bad debt and a few laughs and move on. You sound pretty sorted to me.

xPeaceX · 30/10/2022 19:31

HIs reaction to you raising it was all the proof you needed. You gave him the benefit of the doubt you were generous. But then he said asking for the money back was ''full on'' Confused wow. But asking a woman you're just getting to know for 20 quid is not full on, that's breezy and casual I suppose.

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 05:02

xPeaceX · 30/10/2022 19:31

HIs reaction to you raising it was all the proof you needed. You gave him the benefit of the doubt you were generous. But then he said asking for the money back was ''full on'' Confused wow. But asking a woman you're just getting to know for 20 quid is not full on, that's breezy and casual I suppose.

He is probably the most shameless person I ever met. Yeah, I’m not going to beat myself up. I did have a few laughs it didn’t cost me too much just a little bruised ego. Its
amazing you should see him. I look like a super model next him.The audacity of these people blows my mind.

OP posts:
howdoesatoastermaketoast · 31/10/2022 08:58

MangoBiscuit · 27/10/2022 11:58

Sounds like you're a nice person, who will give people the benefit of the doubt once, but won't let them take the piss out of you. Not sure what you'd need a good slap for.

completely agree - not assuming the worst at the first hint of 'please buy me beer' is not a failing on your part; spotting the pattern quickly and acting decisively is very much to your credit.

So you are YA(very much) NBU to get him to sling his hook
YABU in wanting to give yourself a slap

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 09:16

DarceyG · 30/10/2022 14:56

The plot thickens he was deported from America because he was born here. Fighting apparently. I’d blocked him on wattsapp and Instagram not realising he could still message me directly. He told me he’s met the love of his life this week. He just knows he will be with her, he’s never felt this way before. No idea why I needed to know that we have no mutual friends I would never find out. He’s clearly just massive arsehole basically.

Show quote history

OMG the man seems to be a total fantasist! Best off well away from him!

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 17:42

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies!! I am proud of myself for ejecting this jerk. He messaged and asked me to transfer £20 to his bank😂 think I’ve managed to block him on all front ms now. Don’t even know what I felt sad about for a day or two. He’s insane

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 31/10/2022 17:47

Magn · 27/10/2022 13:57

Hey, just a learning curve and move on. You've had a fun time, it's cost you some money, you've ended it on your terms. Some people are just takers and I think you've proven to yourself that you can spot them and that your nice enough to give people the benefit of the doubt to begin with.

I agree with this. Nice to see !

Slig · 31/10/2022 18:00

He asked you for £20 today????!

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 18:07

Slig · 31/10/2022 18:00

He asked you for £20 today????!

Yes, he asked me today!! After meeting the love of his life blah blah. I actually could not believe my eyes.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 31/10/2022 18:23

DarceyG · 31/10/2022 18:07

Yes, he asked me today!! After meeting the love of his life blah blah. I actually could not believe my eyes.

Show quote history

Message him back with, "I think you meant to send this to your new girlfriend."

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 31/10/2022 18:24

DarceyG · 31/10/2022 18:07

Yes, he asked me today!! After meeting the love of his life blah blah. I actually could not believe my eyes.

Show quote history

lol

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 18:33

MissConductUS · 31/10/2022 18:23

Message him back with, "I think you meant to send this to your new girlfriend."

Show quote history

I actually told him to ask his new girlfriend. Then blocked.

OP posts:
Jo586 · 31/10/2022 18:45

Yes, it's cheeky and you are right to get rid. Mind you , it's no worse than women who put they like to be wined and dined!

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 20:10

Jo586 · 31/10/2022 18:45

Yes, it's cheeky and you are right to get rid. Mind you , it's no worse than women who put they like to be wined and dined!

I’m pretty happy to cover the cost as long as I know the other person would be willing to do the same. No willing on his part just take take take. He sent me a screen shot of his friend calling me his psycho ex😂 funny how women are always psychos when they’re not willing to put up with shit. Also ex? We didn’t even get round to establishing the stage of the relationship he was to busy trying to fleece me. Absolute sucker

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 31/10/2022 20:20

DarceyG · 31/10/2022 20:10

I’m pretty happy to cover the cost as long as I know the other person would be willing to do the same. No willing on his part just take take take. He sent me a screen shot of his friend calling me his psycho ex😂 funny how women are always psychos when they’re not willing to put up with shit. Also ex? We didn’t even get round to establishing the stage of the relationship he was to busy trying to fleece me. Absolute sucker

Show quote history

Console yourself with the fact that his "friend" is his next victim.

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 20:27

MissConductUS · 31/10/2022 20:20

Console yourself with the fact that his "friend" is his next victim.

Show quote history

Yes this friend can cover his costs for his slimy lifestyle. I like the odd drink or two but his drinking was next level. A walking disaster. Amazing what a few days of head clearing can do when. Especially when you don’t have the person in your ear about how amazing you are and how much they adore you! I’ve been single for a while and lapped up the attention I guess. Shame you have to be on your guard for these soul suckers.

OP posts:
strivingtosucceed · 31/10/2022 21:08

@MissConductUS i believe the word in American is "hobosexual"!

Original poster
DarceyG · 31/10/2022 21:31

strivingtosucceed · 31/10/2022 21:08

@MissConductUS i believe the word in American is "hobosexual"!

Yeah I like the word hobosexual too. These people must have some kind of personality disorder because how can you have so little pride. I guess the next step is begging on the streets and that’s shame I’m just baffled as to why these people would think that a bit of sex( it wasn’t that great) would mean you will just quite happily carry the can.

Work your arse off while they lie around probably texting other women online because they know you’ll soon get sick of it. Its all life experience to teach my lovely DD not that she will listen when she’s older🙂

it’s pretty amazing too how manipulative and well put together people can seem until you scratch beneath the surface and she the absolute shambles that is their life. Good thing is I’m not upset anymore I’m defiant.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 31/10/2022 21:55

strivingtosucceed · 31/10/2022 21:08

@MissConductUS i believe the word in American is "hobosexual"!

Quite right. 😂

Original poster
DarceyG · 09/11/2022 18:45

Sorry to put this back out there but the potential cocklodger is back full on love bombing about he knows he will marry me some day. I actually said stop future faking, this guy has obviously tried his luck elsewhere and been told to piss off when he asks for money so circled back to me. I do have him blocked messages from another number.

what the fuck does he take me for? It didn’t take me a week or so to stop feeling sad about being made a mug of and the little cretin is back again. Makes me happy though that not many women will just give him money. Not great from my good feelings though. I’m a catch what the fuck does he think he’s doing?

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 09/11/2022 21:17

If you blocked him, how did he manage to contact you?

Keep reading the posts on this thread. YOU ARE A CATCH you know it and he knows it - you deserve better.

Original poster
DarceyG · 10/11/2022 12:51

Kitkatcatflap · 09/11/2022 21:17

If you blocked him, how did he manage to contact you?

Keep reading the posts on this thread. YOU ARE A CATCH you know it and he knows it - you deserve better.

From a friends number I assume, I get a lot unknown number calls for work so cannot ignore them.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 10/11/2022 14:22

Tell him you will report him for harassment if he gets in touch again.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/11/2022 14:39

I think you should feel pleased with yourself for catching on in good time before he got his feet under the table, and having strengthened your boundaries.

It probably makes you feel low because his reaction was to turn it around on you on purpose to make you feel this. Telling you that you were getting too full on (when in fact it was him) is an example of this. He knows fine what he’s doing.

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