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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he lying

37 replies

RainRainGoAwayyyy · 26/10/2022 11:47

Firstly I posted this in chat by accident!! I have emailed MN and have asked them to remove so there isnt two different chats!!

Hello
I have a question and would like to hear your opinions.
Basically, I was with my BF (of 6 months) on Sunday, and we were lying in bed. He was showing me a picture he took the night before. He then got a notification before he put his phone down, he looked at it briefly, dismissed it, and then put his phone down. I saw, what looked like a message, with a "profile picture" next to it, so like someones icon. It was a brunette lady and the message was very short but had a 'X' at the end. I didnt think anything of it but later I asked if a girl had messaged him. I apologised and said I felt silly asking. He didnt know what I was talking about and got his phone, opened his texts and showed me his recent messages.
I forgot about it and thought I was being silly. I'm not saying girls cant message him, if they are friends, but I know what I saw and if it was just a message, why deny it?
Later that evening when I was home, I asked him about it again and said if he did recieve a message, he should just say. He was shocked and started sending me screenshots of his other message platforms to show he didnt recieve anything. He then got arsey and ignored me for 24 hours. He claimed he was busy but then admitted he wasn't happy with what I was saying.
He has told me a similar story with his ex, he said she woke one night and "imagined" seeing a picture of a girl on his phone. He said she must have been daydreaming - but that all seems odd to me, so what are we both a little crazy and imagining things?
I feel so silly but its lying thats upsetting me. He was being horrible during the day when he eventually got in touch and just acting like a different person. He then sent me an "in future list" which was basically bulletin points to avoid this happening again, i.e him being annoyed. That majorly pissed me off.
I told him his behaviour yesterday was strange, not speaking to me for a whole day, not reading my messages from the night before and being arsey about everything. He then found a message thread from 3 months ago (yes, 3 months ago!) where I didnt message him back for 5 hours because I was working. He then said he did nothing wrong by not messaging back because he was busy and then asked why it is okay for me to not message him back.
This is all just bloody daft, isnt it!!!
What would you do? Stop talking about the whole thing - think that you maybe made a mistake with what you saw, or think there is more to it? For reference, he hasnt done anything to make me doubt him and we often chats /see each other lots.

OP posts:
Rainbowx · 26/10/2022 15:19

Oh course he is lying! LTB op,he is an arse.

TooShyShyShhh · 26/10/2022 15:21

I’d find a new BF.
Hes lying and gaslighting and you deserve better.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/10/2022 15:23

6 months in? Throw him back

ICanHideButICantRun · 26/10/2022 15:24

He's a liar who is gaslighting you. So he has one crazy ex and now suddenly you're crazy too? No! Chuck him back in the sea.

ParentallyUnprepared · 26/10/2022 15:24

He's treating you like shit 6 months in and you're willing to carry on the relationship?

It will only get worse.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 26/10/2022 15:27

He has told me a similar story with his ex, he said she woke one night and "imagined" seeing a picture of a girl on his phone. He said she must have been daydreaming - but that all seems odd to me, so what are we both a little crazy and imagining things?

I bet a few of his girlfriends have suffered with this sort of “over-active imagination…”

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/10/2022 15:31

I was thinking dating app when I saw the message.

Either way he is gaslighting you and tries to manipulate you by giving the silent treatment. Neither of which bode well for a healthy relationship

Vikinga · 26/10/2022 15:39

Amazing all these women he's in a relationship with imagining things.

Dump him

AryaStarkWolf · 26/10/2022 15:45

Vikinga · 26/10/2022 15:39

Amazing all these women he's in a relationship with imagining things.

Dump him

all these crazy women eh? 😅

CrapBag39 · 26/10/2022 15:50

He’s taking you for a mug, gaslighting you to make you think you’re crazy/imagining things. Bin him off.

lentilly · 26/10/2022 15:52

Leave him it's really not worth this

iratepirate · 26/10/2022 15:53

Gosh, sounds as though you don’t need his silly nonsense in your life tbh.

BabyGrooverBug · 26/10/2022 15:58

Six month relationship? No shared kids?

Dump him.

Tothemoonandbackx · 26/10/2022 16:02

Easiest LTB if there was one!!!

OurChristmasMiracle · 26/10/2022 16:09

Doesn’t matter whether he is lying or not the billet point list would have made me bin him!

neverbeenskiing · 26/10/2022 16:12

You said it yourself, you know what you saw. Trust your instincts.

Jampage · 26/10/2022 16:18

He's gaslighting you, it's obvious.

HoobleDooble · 26/10/2022 16:26

He sent you bullet points of how you can stop him acting like an arse? Let me guess ... you must never question anything he does and never accuse him of anything ever? Sod that.

Neverendingmindfuck · 26/10/2022 16:32

Send back your own bullet point list.

  1. FUCK OFF 2)FUCK YOU 3)FUCK OFF Nice and clear, in case he's hard of thinking (clearly) then block. You're welcome 😊
knittingaddict · 26/10/2022 17:03

Are you the op with the thread about you accusing him of lying and him ignoring you today?

From your post here - of course he is lying and gaslighting. Both you and his ex dreamt they saw a message on his phone? Sure they did.

knittingaddict · 26/10/2022 17:04

And you dump him, obviously.

gamerchick · 26/10/2022 17:05

Hes making you shut up and dare not go there again OP. Is that what you want to put up with? Doesn't matter whether he's lying or not. He's shutting you down with punishments so you don't question him again.

Putonyourshoes · 26/10/2022 17:07

Oh, come on, OP. This is someone you’ve known for six months and can be easily rid of. There isn’t a dilemma about what you will do with finances or the custody of children if you split. It’s so easy here to realise he’s a lying arse and cut your losses. Why are you even wasting time thinking about it?!

Remainiac · 26/10/2022 17:09

He has told me a similar story with his ex, he said she woke one night and "imagined" seeing a picture of a girl on his phone. He said she must have been daydreaming
I’m cringing for him here. Bet the dog used to eat his homework too. Get him in the bin.

SimonJones · 26/10/2022 17:12

6 months is a tiny fragment of your life. He's barely even earned "boyfriend" status. I wouldn't give this any thought at all, and I'd bin him.

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