who looks after *You

[Thesesoundsfallintomymind]

Does anyone? If you’re ill etc, does anyone bring you drinks and food or a hot water bottle…
Do your parents ever care for you like this or in other ways, or has it stopped?
It seemed to reverse a few years ago with mine and even though they’re fit and healthy, the expectation is sort of there that they don’t look after/care for me as much now…hard to explain!
Dh is ok but only asks how I am, I’m bringing me anything and so on, probably only the dog and Dd, 4, occasionally notice.
Aibu to really miss the days of someone looking after you, just once…or the days of being able to be ill, without still looking after others (kids, dogs etc) and having to carry on with life.

My DH would say lie on the sofa, he’d tuck my blanket around me, get me a cat** for company and make me drinks and whatever I fancy to eat whenever I want it.
my lovely Mum would have done exactly the same had I been living at home still.

** we already have cats, he wouldn’t randomly go and swipe one from the street

No one looks after me- physically, practically or emotionally. My lovely parents are long gone and I was widowed in my early 40s with 2 young children. I look after myself (and my kids) for everything.
I have lovely siblings and friends for fun and occasional support but when it comes down to it, I look after me.

No-one. Parents both passed away, 2 disabled adult children. No partner. I live in constant fear of being ill as not only would no-one look after me, no-one would look after them either.

bit his

DH always took care of me very well, getting up at 2am to refill a hot water bottle or fetch painkillers for example, would definitely sort my dinner out. After we had DD though that became harder, we all had COVID and had to take it in turns to have a nap. Now it’s every man for himself but thats par for course as she’s little, I had a good run. My parents never took care of me when I was ill anyway so no childhood stuff to miss.

I’d like to think that with DD I would be there if she needed me.

My parents have both passed away but I always knew if I needed them they'd be there for me. Fortunately I also have dh who does look after me and pulls his weight. DD doesn't live at home any more but she would come and help if needed.

YADNBU though, I do miss the chance to be ill in peace now I just have to crack on.

I'm currently ill and getting weighted on hand and foot by my DH. He's been at work all day while I looked after the kids, but as soon as he was home he took over and did the dinner and bedtime while I relaxed. My mum would still want to help if I had noone, but I think she sees that as DHs job now.

No one. Luckily DM didn’t go in for overzealous childcare - I took myself to the school nurse with appendicitis - so I know nothing else.

We live in Cyprus, we feed and look after about 20 cats.
Whenever DD is sick she always insists on having a cat to cuddle (they're not allowed upstairs usually) 😂

One of my favourite memories is coming home from a day out with my children at nearly 9 months pregnant, announcing I was exhausted and my eight year old saying, 'you sit down mummy, I'm going to look after you!' He then proceeded to make me a cup of tea with help from his nine year old brother and put the dishes away. My husband also takes good care of me when I'm tired, poorly or stressed so I feel very lucky.

My DH will look after me when poorly if he's around.

My 40yr SIL still gets looked after by her mum at the slightest whiff of been a little bit poorly!

I have ulcerative colitis and DH does look after me in fairness. Brings me a cuppa, hot water bottle, food…

My parents still do if needed
When i had a hysterectomy they stayed a week 2 after dh went back to work and to help
Dh also does when I ill and even my 2 teenage boys help if I am unwell etc

Nobody, DH would sort the kids out but not really mind me. I was just thinking about this the other day - my youngest son, who's 4, likes to pretend I'm the baby and he's the mammy. It's actually nice and makes me miss being mammied!

You are raising lovely boys 🖤

Given just the title of your thread made me have a small emotional redaction I think the answer is no one and I tend to stamp that down and not think about it a lot of the time

which is making me reflect a bit

Question for the people who aren't looked after by their partners.

WHY are you with them???

My mum is the best for this. Perfectly formed adults but she will be there in a shot for us.and really mother us again.she is the greatest support and knows exactly when and how to be there.everyone runs home to mum if they need to no questions.
my siblings partners are good at looking after them too.
I will always do my best for them too.
the male however🙄

Do you have people around that should be?

No one. I live alone. But even when my parents were alive - we'll, I was hardly ever ill, but the rare occasions I was, it was clear I was an inconvenience. My mother did make sure I didn't actually collapse the one time I almost fainted and walked me back into the house to my bed, but there was certainly no fussing, just making sure I wasn't dead.

Why are we with partners who don't look after us? Because we have no choice. Because we're trapped. Because it's normal for us. We have no experience of people who do care about you, and do nice things without being asked. I didn't even realise it was a thing until I found Mumsnet.

In the normal day to day running of things, bugger all.

When I was in intensive care and for a short while afterwards, family were (mostly) helpful. DH was shell-shocked and did an admirable job.

To this day I sometimes fantasise about being incapacitated in a hospital bed. The peaceful (if life threatening) straight forwardness of it.

I have reflected on the fact that I need to be almost dead for people to put my needs first.