who looks after *You

[Thesesoundsfallintomymind]

Does anyone? If you’re ill etc, does anyone bring you drinks and food or a hot water bottle…
Do your parents ever care for you like this or in other ways, or has it stopped?
It seemed to reverse a few years ago with mine and even though they’re fit and healthy, the expectation is sort of there that they don’t look after/care for me as much now…hard to explain!
Dh is ok but only asks how I am, I’m bringing me anything and so on, probably only the dog and Dd, 4, occasionally notice.
Aibu to really miss the days of someone looking after you, just once…or the days of being able to be ill, without still looking after others (kids, dogs etc) and having to carry on with life.

Christ this thread is a bit depressing.

Do people's partners really not look after them at least a little bit when they're poorly?

If I'm feeling under the weather DH will make me a cuppa and bring me a lemsip and if really poorly he pretty much takes on all household stuff.

I do the same if it's the reverse.

I'm glad I'm the time it took me wrote my post lots of posters have been on to say their partners look after them!

I'm not near my parents so they definitely wouldn't/couldn't step in! DH would say that he looks after me; in reality, he'll let me sleep for a few extra hours and bring me a brew but won't think of stepping up to routine things like washing clothes, cleaning, or planning and cooking a proper dinner - that would all have to wait until I was better. To give balance, when he's poorly, I don't step in to do the gardening or wash the car - they too can wait!

When I was married, noone looked after me. My exH was totally self-obsessed and probably a bit of a narcissist as well, so in his eyes he was the only person in the house who actually mattered. If he was ill, the world stopped. If I was ill...who cares? My mum loves me very much but she isn't the caring type.

When DD was ill and struggling, my then-boss reduced me to tears once by asking who looked after me. All I could do was cry, because the answer has always felt like noone, and noone had ever bothered to ask the question before.

Now, my DP would bring me the moon on a stick if I asked for it. He's not perfect, by any means, but he's perfect for me, and he makes me feel cared-for like never before.

My dh or dd's.
We all look after each other as needed even though it's just dh and dd3 (17) still at home now.
When I had a complete hysterectomy some years ago dd1 was at uni and insisted on coming home for the first week and looked after her much younger sibling so dh could look after me.
My parents died far too young so haven't been around for dd's or us sadly although would have cared for us all if they had been .
My brother's family and mine all care / help each other as needed same with dh's sister and family.
It seems we are lucky to have each other.
I'm so sorry for those of you who don't have support.

@PonyPatter44 Glad you have someone like that now 💜

DH does, of course. My parents are hundreds of miles away.

@Lagattolove Mine also gets almost angry sometimes if I’m ill, suppose it means he has to do more…
Not even just illness though, just someone recognising you had a long/hard day and making a bath or dinner without saying anything or giving a glass of wine or cup of tea. I don’t think I’ve ever ever had that!
I was remembering when younger and even up until adult age when visiting my parents, my mum would always pop a hot water bottle in my bed before I got in…little things

Hollow laugh! After 31 years as a widowed single parent of two, it’s been nobody for a very long time. My abusive parents didn’t give a shit either when I was a child - I remember fainting off my chair with flu in the 1960s when they hadn’t bothered feeding me for 24 hours as I’d been too ill to get downstairs to the table. And at 4 years old, I was shouted at for coughing in the night with a chest infection and waking them up.
My late DH was an absolute sweetheart, and wonderful when I was ill, so I had 16 years of being loved and cared for.
But he died when the DC were babies.
I recall once crawling into the kitchen and vomiting in the sink with norovirus, trying to make their breakfast, while my toddler kicked the back of my legs shouting that she wanted chocolate. My nearest relatives were 250 miles away, and worked full time so couldn’t help.

Two years ago I had Covid and struggled to breathe alone at home for a fortnight before being taken by ambulance to the isolation unit. My friend did leave food on the doorstep, but couldn’t come in the house - there were no vaccines then and everyone was socially distancing.
When you’re on your own, you just have to get on with it.

My ex was shit and guilttripped me if I ever dared be ill (what use a non functioning support human?)

DP is amazing. He steps up and looks after the kids even though they're not his, he washes up, brings me tea, painkillers, hot water bottles. When I had Covid his tlc kept making me cry because it was so much more than I expected. He gets cross with me when I try and do too much when I've been ill.

My mum would also try to look after me if I was ill, bit I do my best not to let her as she's mid 70s and I'd hate to make her sick.

I am very very fortunate but believe me, I know it. I had 15 years of shit from exh. DP blows me away with the things he notices and does without being asked.

DH doesn't so much "look after me" but he'll do the household stuff that I usually do and make sure DD (13) is sorted and doesn't need to bother me. He'll happily leave me in bed to sleep it off.

We live in a different country to friends and family now, but when I lived near my parents then they'd insist on looking after me, I was 25 when I caught chicken pox (I had them unbelievably BAD!) DH was deployed at the time.
They made up the spare room for me, made up a camp bed in their room for DD, mum cooked meals, ran baths, washed clothes, dad took me to doctors appointments and my younger brother watched DD and took her to school etc.
It lasted 3 weeks & honestly felt like I'd been to a 5* retreat once I was well enough to go home!

Whenever I'm really ill now, especially when I have a temperature then I still just want to go "home" to be looked after. 😂

No one . The only family I have is my kids . They’ve had to miss school before when I’ve been too unwell to take them.
my friends are not nearby or close to help and I am single parent with no other input .
Quite depressing realty when written down

My DH would. I was feeling really stressed and run down last week due to work, on Friday when I came downstairs he made me a cup of tea and told me to put my feet up and chill whilst he made me tea (my favourite!) and cleaned up. It was bliss. When I was very ill last year he did everything, made all my meals, brought me every little thing that could help (painkillers, buckets 😂, snacks) and was a star. I do the same for him!

Can I make you all feel ill and say that DP looks after me every single day, ill or not?

My mom is elderly now and a long way away but she 100% would if that were not the case.

I think so many women don't learn to expect the same from a partner as they themselves provide for their partner. They assume that if you 10/10 look after a man, he only needs to do 4/10 for you to be considered "a good one".

DS and DD are 10 and 7, but they do try when I'm poorly - they step up and don't ask as much of me, they bring me water or a blanket etc, but can't access useful things like painkillers! They are v caring though. Just a bit small, still.

I remember having horrendous sickness and diarrhoea when pg with DD (who knew pregnancy diarrhoea was a thing?) and DS was only 2 and a half. I got stuck on the loo once and was dry heaving and he toddled off to get the sick bowl and brought it to me.

Thank you for triggering that memory. I had completely forgotten how sweet he was then.

In contrast, during the same era, exh shouted at me for not making dinner and then shouted again when I cried at the smell of the curry he had. Lucky escape.

DH does but he's always been brilliant at looking after me. The day we met I fell over and injured myself and he picked me up and patched me up. I knew on that day I had a keeper.

Both DC are teens now and they're great at looking after me if necessary too, so even if DH is at work there's always someone who helps me out.

I know I'm incredibly lucky in that way though.

DP would, and has. He's always been brilliant when I've been unwell.

Dh if I literally can’t get out of bed (occasional migraines really, haven’t had a sickness bug or flu etc in the 20 years we’ve been together) but I hate being fussed with if I’m wiped out with a migraine. I like to be in my room in the dark in peace.
he’s the same really, does seem to get a really heavy cold once a year when he might take to bed for a couple of days to recuperate.
when this happens (either of us being ill) the other picks up the house/kids slack and make sure the poorly person has a drink every few hours, ask if they need tablets or want food.
He hates being fussed over too, so it’s very basic and I leave him to it - he just wants to lie in bed with shit telly 😂
as for parents, neither of us have had any need to call our parents for any kind of help. I’m not sure I’d call mine if we needed it but mil would drop everything to help if we did.

When my husband was alive, him. Now he's not my mum does, or my teenagers do, I mean make cups of tea, hot water bottles, easy food. Not for your average cold, but in our house the wellest look after the sickest whoever they may be.

Yeah my bf looks after me. Brings me cups of tea and coffee when not I'll. goes and buys me paracetamol etc if I run out. He makes tea and walks dog.

Isn't that the whole idea of a relationship? You help each other out. May as we'll be single if you don't help each other out!

DH does - and I think he finds it quite fun; ordering take-aways for him and DC, experimenting with cooking 'invalid' food (like proper rice pudding) and having the downstairs all to himself.
Very different scenario if it were long term though, as it would be if he were the invalid. Some families are amazingly caring, aren't they?
My DM was caring when I was little, but is old and far away now.

DH would try but it would be minimal and useless.
DD but she's at uni
DS would try, when he could remember.
My mum would make it all about her and how ill she is.
So I think the Dogs are my best bet.

… you’re allowed someone to look after you? Why has no one told me this before?

Since my mum died... no one.