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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s rude to comment on someone’s food?

77 replies

ChapterNexf · 24/10/2022 22:06

We eat lunch as a team and they without fail comment on my lunch.

I have a severe eating disorder. I can’t stomach certain textures, smells, look. Wish I wasn’t like this but I am. It takes a lot for me to be sat around people eating food.

100% that no one will know I have an ED but surely you don’t comment on someone’s lunch?

OP posts:
midlifecrash · 24/10/2022 22:44

I also think it depends a bit eg “that looks amazing! How do you make it?” Is different to “I don’t know how anyone can eat celery” or “oh well you won’t want anything later” etc. basically unless they are complimenting your exquisite taste/ incredible culinary skills people should keep their mouths shut.

Changingplace · 24/10/2022 23:07

Totally depends on what they’re actually saying!

‘Ooo that looks nice, what have you got today’ is perfectly fine.

’Ugh what’s that, why are you eating that, don’t like the look of your lunch… etc’ obviously blatantly rude and not ok.

Do you think you’re just overly sensitive about talk of food full stop OP, or are their comments genuinely unacceptable?

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/10/2022 23:07

It might be rude, depending on what they are saying.

I’d find it annoying either way - I’d come up with a fascinating series of intolerances you are trying to get to the bottom of, that will soon bore the tits of everyone.

PeloFondo · 24/10/2022 23:12

Blowyourowntrumpet · 24/10/2022 22:27

I understand what you mean. I've struggled with eating disorders and find it hard to eat in public. It's even worse when people make comments

Same. I just eat on my own now as I'm too uncomfortable to eat with people at work

sicklycolleague · 24/10/2022 23:21

Pretty normal. I eat in the office and often get comments that my food smells good (especially the katsu curry from down the road). My colleague asks me because we have an ongoing joke about my overconsumption of sushi. Very rarely do I ask in return but from time to time I would, they’re just being nice

Anon778833 · 24/10/2022 23:22

YANBU it’s rude to comment on what people are eating. I most certainly wouldn’t do it.

roarfeckingroarr · 24/10/2022 23:23

I've never experienced this at work. Why would people be interested in their colleagues' lunch? We'll ask if anyone's going to Pret / itsu / wherever but that's it. Weird.

Arayes · 24/10/2022 23:25

It's perfectly normal to comment on other peoples food when eating communally. Weird not to, in fact.
Not a class thing either (how bizarre to even suggest!)

StaceySolomonSwash · 24/10/2022 23:28

I had that at work and one woman kept trying to smell my food - she actually shoved her face in my sandwich bag to smell it! The next time she tried it I put my hand out over my food and she went straight into my hand and accused me of hitting her!

I pointed out that if her head hadn't been in my sandwich bag she wouldn't have head butted my hand and she told me to grow up and went to report me to the manager. Who agreed with me because she had seen her do that to other people in the past. She never tried smelling my food again!

It wasn't anything unusual, either. Just a meat free diet. 🙄

Glitterybee · 24/10/2022 23:28

I think it’s just small talk

TeaAtLast · 24/10/2022 23:28

Food was a massive deal in my last workplace. It was common to have shared lunch days when people.all bought dishes in. On normal days there was always discussion of food and what people were eating. People often commented on each others food. Sometimes there was a fair bit of banter - 'oh no, not the egg smell again Brian....', 'gross, who's left the fish on the microwave again..' but we all got on really well, and had a laugh. It was all.friemdly banter. I got a bit of stick for random vegan choices! I'd assume in a place like my old workplace, people who had sensitivities about food would choose to eat their lunch in the car, in the staffroom, or somewhere away from the office banter. We were all adults.

Sorry to hear about your ED and hope you r doing ok

k1233 · 24/10/2022 23:31

I'm with you OP. I hate people commenting on what I'm eating and I hate being around people eating.

I do not understand why people think it's ok to express an opinion on something that has nothing to do with them.

Namechanger1002 · 24/10/2022 23:34

I think it depends on the dynamics in your workplace. In my office at anyone time there are between 2 and 10 of us. They laugh and comment because I add cheese and mayo to nearly all my lunches (leftovers from the night before) we all laugh at the colleague who has 2 instant pots of porridge plus 5 satsumas if he wasn't lucky enough for his husband to make him something delicious we groan when our boss orders a fry up from the cafe and we weep with laughter when a colleague brings in the most pathetic limp ham sandwich etc
But we are a close knit team - we comment on and talk about food all the time 😂

been and done it. · 24/10/2022 23:34

KvotheTheBloodless · 24/10/2022 22:20

I hate it, but generally it's normal in working class circles. Just ask politely for them not to comment on your food because you find it really stressful as you're on a restricted diet due to a medical condition. If they carry on they're cunts.

Working class circles????

Dibbydoos · 24/10/2022 23:38

Applesandcarrots · 24/10/2022 22:22

On mumsnet. Everything.

I doubt anyone on here is anything other than working class, so thry need to get over themselves. Can't see and old money/gentry spending time on MN, lol!

But back to the question, just tell them you are on a restricted diet and ask them not to comment on your food it makes you feel uncomfortable. Then change the subject.

Arayes · 24/10/2022 23:40

Dibbydoos · 24/10/2022 23:38

I doubt anyone on here is anything other than working class, so thry need to get over themselves. Can't see and old money/gentry spending time on MN, lol!

But back to the question, just tell them you are on a restricted diet and ask them not to comment on your food it makes you feel uncomfortable. Then change the subject.

British people are so odd! Obsessed with class, but don't actually understand it...you think anyone who is not landed gentry is working class?
So funny!! Clueless.

ThistleSifter · 24/10/2022 23:40

we weep with laughter when a colleague brings in the most pathetic limp ham sandwich etc

Talk about an easy crowd 😅

Berlinlover · 24/10/2022 23:44

When I was 7 stone 10lbs my colleagues commented on every piece of food that went into my mouth, now I’m 10 stone 10lbs nobody bats an eyelid. People are strange.

ThatsNotHealthy · 24/10/2022 23:45

I understand OP. I had an eating disorder for two decades. I’m a healthy weight now but still slim. Colleagues think nothing of commenting on how super healthy my lunch is, how they could never eat that, it’s boring etc. These aren’t diet foods I’m eating, just normal lunchtime foods that are fairly calorific and I’d never have touched them when I had anorexia as they were so calorie dense.

I also don’t have the same thing every day. There’s one food in particular that they laugh at me having again, I have them once or twice a week, think along the lines of crackers so standard lunch food I would have thought? Yet it’s become accepted to joke about me when I do have it. They’d never comment on overweight colleagues having a can of fizzy juice everyday with lunch or multiple cakes in one sitting when someone bakes.

I’m probably over sensitive about the issue due to my past but it’s so rude to comment on other people’s food in a negative way and draw attention to it, especially when they’re in the middle of eating it!

Namechanger1002 · 24/10/2022 23:45

ThistleSifter · 24/10/2022 23:40

we weep with laughter when a colleague brings in the most pathetic limp ham sandwich etc

Talk about an easy crowd 😅

I know 😂 Work can get stressful (same for most people) so we find the laughs where we can to keep our spirits up!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/10/2022 23:47

It’s absolutely unacceptable. I had to tell someone in my last job to STFU as actually he was putting me off my food. Then I was pegged as being grumpy 🙄

rubydoobydoo · 25/10/2022 00:02

I had this a lot in my last job - I've never really been a sandwich person and when I found easy or cheap options for lunch I tended to stick with them.

So I got "oh are you having that AGAIN?" from people who never commented on people who had sandwiches every day - and every time someone else would walk into the room they'd also comment on my food.

Telling people it made me feel uncomfortable made no difference - at one point I offered to send out an email before lunch informing everyone what I was eating so they wouldn't have to ask me and wasn't even joking! 😅

I think it's all about the people and the office culture - the most I get where I currently work is "that smells nice!" - I don't mind that at all!

fannyfartlet · 25/10/2022 00:07

KvotheTheBloodless · 24/10/2022 22:20

I hate it, but generally it's normal in working class circles. Just ask politely for them not to comment on your food because you find it really stressful as you're on a restricted diet due to a medical condition. If they carry on they're cunts.

Oh please

DifficultBloodyWoman · 25/10/2022 00:20

I had a few colleagues comment on my (very unhealthy) breakfast once.

I said something along the lines of ‘I didn’t know I was sharing an office with the food police’.

In my defence, I am not a morning person at the best of times and I put absolutely zero thought into that response.

But my food choices were never commented upon again!

LikeAStar1994 · 25/10/2022 01:19

This is why I always took the late lunch whenever I could. I want to eat in peace and not have to talk to anyone. Nobody commenting on my food or asking me stuff when I just want to eat quietly etc. It was mostly me and one other person on the late lunch. On a couple of occasions I had the whole staff room to myself and it was bliss!

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