Paying relatives to look after your child

[UniqueUsername123]

DH and I have just been away for a much needed child-free weekend for the first time ever, leaving our 3yo DD overnight with my brother (who she loves!).

We don't have much in the way of a support network from family so he has done most of the babysitting for her when we've needed it. He lives about an hour and half away - which is still the nearest of all family members.

Each time he does this we pay for his return train fare as well as a takeaway (and/or get food in for him).

So I'm interested to know whether think this is ok? Totally reasonable for him to be reimbursed OR should he just spend time looking after his niece for free....?

(I should point out that he is single, child free and younger than me, so it's not as if we can return the favour just yet.)

Sounds like a lovely set up OP.
Your daughter gets to spend time with close family and you Chuck in some lovely things for him too.
I bet he would never ask for anything in return. I think it’s nice.

We paid my mil cash to have our boy for one afternoon a week, I made her lunch and dh made her dinner when he got home from work. It was about 3 hours a week. Worked well. Every one happy with it.

Honestly OP, depending on his work situation/study, I would be giving him a generous gift, voucher, or money if in Uni.

He sounds great and what he has done is priceless and not something I have ever heard a brother doing.

Making it worth his while is fair if you'd like a repeat.

Of course you should cover his out-of-pocket expenses like train fare, and either have food in for him (that he doesn't have to spend ages cooking) or money for a takeaway. That isn't paying him, it's just making sure he's not actively losing money by looking after your dc. That's the bare minimum you should be doing. I would also think you should take him out for a nice meal every so often, or buy him a present to take home - not every time, but reasonably regularly.

By the way, I haven't voted, because I think the options are unclear. I certainly don't think you're reasonable, but I also wouldn't want you to think that YANBU equates to you're giving too much. YABU in thinking that this would ever be classed as too much, or anything other than the absolute minimum needed to not be classed a massive CF.

I thought the question would be is is okay to just pay his train fare and takeaway or should we be paying him as well.

You are not paying him though are you? You are paying for his food whilst he visits you (and looks after your child) and his travel. Getting a baby sitter would cost a lot more!

Your brother sounds like an amazing brother and uncle.

Buy him a really good Xmas and birthday gift. Also remember the huge favour he has done you so when he has kids make sure you offer to give him and partner a break and look after his children. You are only paying the bare minimum of his out of pocket expenses. He should have a takeaway and nice desert every time. I would also offer to pay him.