Paying relatives to look after your child

[UniqueUsername123]

DH and I have just been away for a much needed child-free weekend for the first time ever, leaving our 3yo DD overnight with my brother (who she loves!).

We don't have much in the way of a support network from family so he has done most of the babysitting for her when we've needed it. He lives about an hour and half away - which is still the nearest of all family members.

Each time he does this we pay for his return train fare as well as a takeaway (and/or get food in for him).

So I'm interested to know whether think this is ok? Totally reasonable for him to be reimbursed OR should he just spend time looking after his niece for free....?

(I should point out that he is single, child free and younger than me, so it's not as if we can return the favour just yet.)

I’m confused really about what you’re asking.

Are you implying that you think you shouldn’t have given him the train fare? And that next time he babysits you’ll ask him to do it without expenses?

Also I don’t think there is a done thing here. Some people have no help. Others have tons of family on the doorstep. You have a great brother by the sounds of it.

You're not paying him though, are you? You're just paying his expenses (travel and food) so he's not out of pocket, which is 100% what you should be doing.

I would be a lot more generous than that tbh. Perhaps you should send him something nice to say thank you. Trainfare and food is just about covering basic expenses for him. As the owner of a small child they aren’t that much fun tbh and not how I would choose to spend a weekend, he’s done you a massive favour.

Travel costs and his food whilst he's there.

That's the absolute minimum imo.

Yeah don't pay his expenses just go away on your much needed break 🙄.

You're paying his expenses not him.

You're not paying him! You're covering his expenses so he doesn't lose money by doing you a massive favour!

I think reimbursing the travel costs & paying for the food is fab of you! Whenever I've looked after my nieces/nephews it has cost me money 🤣

You're not paying him anything. Your paying his out of pocket expenses.

I don’t think you are giving him enough and you sound tight and entitled like you’re doing him a favour when in fact it’s absolutely the other way round!

As everyone has said, you're not paying him. You're paying his expenses so he's not out-of-pocket for the "privilege" of babysitting for you.

If my parents come specifically to babysit my DC (as opposed to for a family visit), I pay their petrol money and get food in. I also offer to pay for any trips out they do with my DC.

Whoever has told you that your brother is taking the piss expecting to be “paid” is taking the piss?

Your DH by any chance? Or a relative of his (probably one that wouldn’t dream of babysitting for a weekend)?

Absolute LEAST you can do!

When ds babysits for dd she generally buys him food either to eat there or take home with him. Ds drives so no fares or anything and doesn't expect payment but enjoys that dd leaves him food. You should definitely pay for his expenses and I would expect that you would leave food or pay for a takeaway whilst he's at yours.

Paying his travel costs and a takeaway is the minimum you should do. He is looking after your DD for free

He IS looking after her for free. You’re not paying him.

Train fare and take away is the bare minimum. I hope you also left money for treats and other expenses! It’s bloody hard work occupying a young child ,regardless of how much you love them .

Paying for travel, any activities and some nice food is the minimum. If it were me I’d also have got the person a gift of something they really enjoy too as a thank you.

Found your title a bit confusing – you are not paying him to look after your child, train fare is simply reimbursement of costs, and takeaway is feeding him (and your child?) as you would any guest.

You are very lucky
and I think you should treat him to something extra as a special thank you for a weekend of babysitting (not just a few hours, so hard work however fond of your DC he is)

I think you should definitely be paying his expenses, it's not like he lives round the corner.

🤣🤣

Your doing bare minimum not to be CF.

You aren’t paying him to look after your DD - you’re covering his expenses. Which - especially if he’s younger and not flush - is the right thing to do when he’s doing you a favour. I
As other have said, it’d be a nice touch to buy him a bottle of wine or something while you’re away as a thank you. (All of which is very, very different from totting up so many hours @ £10 or so an hour as you would do with a commercial childcare arrangement.)

You aren't paying him to look after your child, you are just covering his expenses. It's really good of him to help you so much! Fwiw I couldn't have left my 3 year old for a weekend with any family.

A present/gesture to say thank you wouldn't go amiss eg chocolates/wine/whatever he is into. As well as a genuine verbal thanks.

You’ve done the bare minimum.

You should have sent him off with a decent gift too.

What a great brother you have who gives up a whole weekend to look after your little ones whilst you are away, not many would do that.
I think he deserves a medal apart from his travelling expenses...really not sure what you are thinking posting this question.