Finding a nice way to stop buying Xmas gifts?

[isitginoclock]

Our Xmas gift giving list has got fully out of control, and we need to cut back. We buy for families and kids of close friends and they buy for our kids. I'd like to call time on it this year, and I'm pretty sure some of my friends (not all!) feel the same way. I figure I can't be the only one. A I being a Scrooge? What's the best way to approach this conversation?
Or do I need to bite my lip and buy 14x £10 amazing vouchers to keep the peace?

Secret santa is the solution here! Everyone still gets a gift, but not loads of gifts. We've done it with all the adults in our family for a few years now. Check out Elfster or another secret santa app.

Everyone gets one nice thing rather than half a dozen things that may or may not be used/appreciated. Better for bank balances and for the environment too.

I have a very large family and the Christmas list was getting ridiculous. By mutual agreement we agreed to do a secret Santa worth about £50 and make a donation to an agreed charity. It’s worked well for us but you do need to get everyone onboard with the idea.

Send a message (do it sooner rather than latter) outlining what you’ve said and that you are doing close family only.
Martin Lewis bangs on about this and I totally agree, you might find that they are all relived that someone else has broached it.

I found that it's just a case of biting the bullet and sending the text! You'll feel better once it's done

'Hey X, hope you're all ok? We've decided that we really need to cut down our Christmas gift list from this year, it just feels like it's all getting too much. I hope you understand that we won't be buying for yous anymore, but also please don't buy for ours. Would be lovely to have a catch up in the run up to Christmas though, let me know if you're free to come over for mince pies/egg nog/Christmas pud. x'

Job done 👍🏻 in my experience, most other people usually breathe a sigh of relief.

You could just send a message out on WhatsApp saying this year is going to be tricky to afford Christmas with the cost of food, fuel, mortgage etc going up so much and so I'm going to have to limit my gift-giving to my immediate family and I thought I should let you know now to save you from buying presents for me/my children. I hope you understand x

Or you could say something about it being financially difficult, can't afford usual Christmas spend, and see if the groups you are in want to do a secret Santa. Everyone buys 1 person a present, you have a set affordable budget. E.g. Susan spends £20 on Marjorie, Marjorie spends £20 on Rachel, Rachel spends £20 on Ruth and Ruth spends £20 on Susan. Sorry, I'm sure you know how secret santas work!!

It's a good time for sending out a message to just say that you don't think you'd like to do gifts this year. 'Hi Mary, how are you keeping? I'm thinking about Christmas and don't think we should do presents this year. The kids get so much as it is'

I did this years ago and no one batted an eyelid in my circle. I'm sure most will welcome it but do it soon before people start buying gifts.

Buy each family gift to share? Chocs, posh biscuits, board game etc.
Obviously let them know asap, people shop early, I've bought most of mine.

I think the only way is to just bite the bullet and be honest. We won't be buying for you so please don't buy for us. I agree most people will be relieved.

blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2009/11/is-it-time-to-ban-christmas-presents/

Of course he does, and how brilliantly he articulates it. Posted above for anyone else scrolling through.

Either Secret Santa or family gifts, so something everyone in that family can use/dip into, like a game or tub of chocolates.

I'd send WAs round pointing out that the CoL has risen, utilities, mortgages, etc going up massively and multitudes of presents are difficult for everyone. Accordingly you'll be cutting back and will not be expecting presents for each member of your family either.

There might be some people who aren't on board with that but they know that irrespective of what they choose to spend, presents each won't be matched. So ultimately it's up to them. They can choose to behave badly and make a fuss, so what? They'll only make themselves look bad.

I'm doing this with my family this year. We're only going to buy for my nephew, he's 6 and the only child in the family. Just going to say that we're not doing any presents this year, apart from nephew, so please don't get any for us. I'm feeling relieved already.

Nothing wrong with suggesting to dial things back, there are a few options.

• Set a (lower) budget with the people you are exchanging gifts with
• Secret Santa
• Reduce the number of people getting gifts. I come from a big family and it was kids only and until they turned 18. After we were all grown up we introduced Secret Santa with Aunts and Uncles too.

However, you might be a little too late depending on how organised your group is. 1st September would be the cut off for me to change gift giving procedures for Christmas due to my family buying from an early date.

We did it by just telling everyone our plans and leaving it up to them if they wanted to do the same.

Basically we stopped buying for everyone except our children and parents. We donated to charity instead.

Lots of our family followed suit, resulting in less stress and more cash for charities. Win-win.

A few years ago I suggested to friends that we stop exchanging gifts. Two agreed, one said that she was going to continue to buy me gifts. I felt I had to continue. Now, for various reasons, we have grown apart but I fear she will still want to exchange.

I think Secret Santa is the way to go. Everyone needs to agree. 14 gifts is just ridiculous.

I was in the same Situation with too many to buy for now so have suggested we do soft play instead of presents and I'm so relieved , I've saved a small fortune. It's also meant we've got fewer things coming into the house which I'm glad about as we're already bursting at the seams!

Convert to Jehovah’s Witness.

Secret Santa only works if everyone knows each other, which is unlikely if you have several other tamiles as friends.
Just carefully write out a text and send - the majority will be relieved. But do it now - people will have already started buying!

Just for our family we were buying ridiculous numbers of £20 gifts. My sister suggested she was struggling and were we happy to look at cutting our lists. We initially stopped buying for siblings (birthdays and Christmas.) We recently stopped buying for nephews and nieces once they hit 25.

I would just say although you love them all, financially you are looking at cutting costs and was wondering how everyone feels about dropping gifts for Christmas for friends, older family ie niece /nephews etc, or maybe doing a secret Santa.
Most kids don't need extra presents and if you aren't buying 10 extra gifts that money could go on gifts for yours or on other bills.

Sometimes it's something lots of people may be thinking and they just need that one person to speak up.

"Hi x! Just a thought but we're looking at paring back Christmas this year, what with bills and stuff. I know a lot of people are feeling the same way so I wondered what you thought about only getting the kids presents this year and the adults going for a coffee in the new year instead? Obviously you don't have to get us anything but it would be lovely to catch up. :)"

We do secret Santa but in terms of others cut it right down to people who wouldn’t get that many gifts otherwise eg brother and sil are single whereas others would get from spouse or children. I think everyone is on the same page in recent years

I did this a couple of years ago and sent,

We have come to the decision that we want to stop spending money on gifts and would rather spend time with people. With this in mind, we are no longer going to buy presents for Christmas outside of immediate family. We would kindly ask that you do not get us gifts but if you feel the urge to splurge please buy gifts for the local foodback or childrens hospital instead.
Lets make Christmas about people instead of stuff and make sure we meet for drinks/dinner/coffee/playdate!

Only one complaint from someone who buys stuff for us every year but expects nothing back and refuses to stop. Everyone else was pleased with the idea and it has meant more gatherings and a more festive vibe than a pair of socks and some smellie

Like others say, secret santa is great for those (groups of) people where you'd like to get them a token but there are just too many of them. Last year with DH's very large extended family we did secret santa but with a twist, instead of drawing a name from the hat you just brought one generic gift to the party, on an eco theme you were encouraged to reuse or regift something you already had rather than buying new tat, all the wrapped gifts were put in a pile, then we went round the circle and everyone could either choose a parcel at random from the pile or 'steal' or swap a gift with someone else - all good fun with low value presents and teenagers or adults, maybe wouldn't work with young DC or very sensitive souls though. Google 'gift exhange party' for more ideas along the same lines!

Other ideas would be:

-Suggest home made gifts only, you can make biscuits or chutney or small crafty type things fairly inexpensively.
-Swap favours rather than presents e.g. a night's babysitting, a home cooked meal delivered, dogs walked for them, pets fed while they are away, a DIY task taken off their hands etc - whatever your skills are.
-Set a very low £ limit on presents and make it a challenge/joke to see what you can get for the price, who can buy the best present from poundland or similar. Or the same but say the present has to be bought in a charity shop, that way at least a charity benefits rather than a company!
-Reuse and regift vigorously, personally I really don't mind being given things like second hand books, scarfs/jewellery that wasn't to the receivers taste, clothes that didn't fit etc.
-Go for experiences rather than physical presents, friends and my sister and I will often mutually 'treat each other' to a day out or the cinema or similar arranged for the new year, TBH this is a fiction as we'd likely go on the day out anyway and pay for ourselves but it started as a way to pacify our spoilt DC who'd say 'where's my present from Aunty X' and we could then say 'she's taking you bowling in January' without it being a total lie
-Just be open and honest with people, call it a 'year off' or similar if you think saying no more presents ever.

For all of these you'll need to fit to suit your audience but you should be able to find something that works!

We don’t buy any presents (and from this year no Christmas presents for DCs either - they are in their 30s). We discussed it with them and no one wants any more random gifts or to have to run around buying them. We are all happy to spend the money on extra smoked salmon and good champagne. We’re not stingy, just have other priorities (mostly food related 😂). If you raise it you are likely to be met with relief.