Finding a nice way to stop buying Xmas gifts?

[isitginoclock]

Our Xmas gift giving list has got fully out of control, and we need to cut back. We buy for families and kids of close friends and they buy for our kids. I'd like to call time on it this year, and I'm pretty sure some of my friends (not all!) feel the same way. I figure I can't be the only one. A I being a Scrooge? What's the best way to approach this conversation?
Or do I need to bite my lip and buy 14x £10 amazing vouchers to keep the peace?

We’ve stopped doing presents between grownups but we still have an issue with kids gifts. We don’t have anyone to buy for but have some generous family members (in laws) that gift £30-£50 each for our children for birthday and Christmas presents that we then have to think of ideas for and we end up with far too much stuff.

I don’t know what to do (if anything) as I know we are so lucky to have this problem and don’t want to seem ungrateful. I am hoping they will accept that my oldest would prefer cash this year rather than gifts this year but the relatives get joy from gifting big presents to unwrap.

Would any of your relatives agree to cash if it was to go into a savings account for DC's future rather than simply to be spent on whatever they liked? Sometimes I do think the older generation worry about frittering - at the same time as purchasing a load of crap themselves of course!

Or how would they feel about chipping in to a single bigger ticket item along with you and/or other relatives? As DC get older the stuff they need/want becomes so much more expensive, things like laptops, tablets, bikes, sporting/hobby equipment are more than any single relative could get them but 3 or 4 people all chipping in £30 or so each would go a long way towards it?

We did this years ago and haven't look back. It's great!
We do occasionally have new friends who have joined the circle who dont know. We tend to have a few extra wine bottle and or boxes of chocolates to take to houses when joining large social groups so we have a few of these wrapped up on standby as 'emergency' gifts in case but make a point of telling them the following year.

Thanks, at the moment they already have up to date computers, consoles and bikes etc, I'm thinking new games for the console could be an idea but the relatives like seeing the kids opening big toys whereas I would rather a large or big ticket item be from us or ‘Santa’.

I’m just feeling overwhelmed already as one Dc has a birthday this week so will be inundated with stuff. It just feels so wrong when there are families who would love to receive things. I would love for them to donate a gift instead but I know it wouldn’t go down well.

I tackled this with friends one year & everyone was equally relieved that someone had raised it. Sent something like “Hi X, we’ve all got so much on atm and so much else we have to spend money on, I wondered whether we should leave buying presents for each other’s children this year? Absolutely fine to continue if you’d like to, but it just seemed like a good idea to cut down on things a bit if you’re up for it too? Xx” Result? 100% agreement, no offence taken, and by the time next year comes round, everyone just assumes that’s what we’ll do again! Sorted :)

My DP has an insanely large family (think second/third cousins etc all very close) they do secret Santa for everyone but the grandparents who they all club in for a weekend away for. Which I think is nice

Love this - perfect!

Say that you have decided to make a charity donation instead of presents, tell everyone well in advance, suggest to them they might want to consider the same.

Do it NOW though because some if us... Have already started the shopping... In june

And yes, it's fine. I like the secret santa idea

Please don't do the "i gave money I would buy presents with for charity in your name".
Quite a lots of
-wankiness
-it is not in their name if it is not charity they support
-point 1 again
-it is notoney solution, it's just performance. If you actually don't have the loney or can't spare it, why would you spend it on something the giftee might absolutely not care about...

Surely this year is the year to make this change - any reasonable person will understand, and those who don't - well, just ask them not to buy for you.

I'm a bit of an anti-present spoilsport, to be honest, but I dread to think of the pressure on people in these difficult times if they don't manage other people's expectations a bit. Secret Santas, presents just for children and/or strict price limits might be worth suggesting?

I know it's different for children, but I have no sympathy for adults who put pressure on others to buy them Christmas presents, especially in these difficult times. If they insist, buy them a box of boring biscuits to unwrap!!

Birthdays are different - you only buy for one person. Christmas is tough because the list might be infinite.

Agree with just biting the bullet and sending a nice text round ASAP. I am sure almost everyone will be relieved!

just dont bother buying any.

People can buy what they need for themselves, nine times out of ten they dont like it anyway.

We buy for our nieces and nephews but not our adult siblings and definitely not children of our friends. My DS/their kids get more than enough from family already.

For anyone worried about how they might look by stopping. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to buy for more people if I wanted but I just don't see the need to at all. It's not at all something to be judged for. No one should be put under stress at the thought of buying gifts for people who aren't even in their family. Just say in plenty of time.

Secret Santa with a 10 or 20 pound limit!
Ive done it with my friends and it's actually nice thinking of a nice gift instead of the buying for the sake of it!

I recently sent a message toy two sisters and my niece (has children) to suggest that we just buy for the "children" . I even said to my niece that they didn't have to buy for their cousins, but she wants to still.

My sisters are ok with the suggestion. I think sometimes someone just has to make that first move.

Definitely message ASAP if you're going to - I haven't done most of my shopping yet but I have multiple friends who have nearly finished.

I bit the bullet and suggested to close friends (16 kids to but for ) if we could just do birthdays for the kids and drop Christmas. Each friend jumped at the idea, and said it was a relief really. Honestly don't worry. No need to make an excuse, just "I wonder if from now on we can just do birthdays for the kids".

Was such a relief, financially and mentally not having to think of what to get .

We all have enough thankfully. We see each other regularly. Gifts are not necessary at all. Siblings stopped around twenty years ago, parents gone to their reward, nephews and nieces nope, not anymore once they are finished college and working. I have two great nephews and one great niece all under 10. Cash gifts to those three only. A selection box for the two under 5 little girls next door. That's it. I don't buy for DP and he doesn't buy for me. We go to the sun in Winter instead.

All agreed. Family, friends delighted. I am not a tight arse, I do make up for it at significant birthdays/weddings/christenings. Those are intimate celebrations and worth it. Christmas is not. Although I know it is for some.