MIL phone calls.

[elenaq]

My MIL has this habit of texting/calling people multiple time when they don't answer the first time.

I noticed she texted me, and thought to myself "i'll answer her when i can" (was doing the dishes) within 20 seconds of that message, she sent the same message to me on whatsapp. further another minute or so, she called me, and further another minute she called me on whatsapp. i was getting pretty annoyed at this point, but continued to wash the dishes because i had eyed the message and knew it wasn't important, she just needed help translating something (totally not important). she proceeded to call me again after another 2 minutes.

now, will i be totally unreasonable to call her out on the fact that texting/calling people multiple times is highly unnecessary and they'll call back when they can? i've been very unwell for the last couple of days, (whole family caught a gastroenteritis) and still not fully recovered, my mood has been low and i've been on the crankier side, due to the pain, lack of sleep and catching up on everything that was left undone due to being unwell.

i'm struggling to tell if she's being very unreasonable or if i'm just cranky?

Just tell her that you will answer in your own time and if she continues to do this you will block her number so she can't reach you at all.

let me add, i HAVE messaged her back saying i would call her in a little while, just wondering if i should confront her about this or not

Definitely talk to her about it. It’s ridiculously entitled of her. Does she think you should drop everything to respond to her immediately?

I have someone like this in my family and makes me far less inclined to ever answer them, even if I'm able. I've told mine - "I don't always have my phone on me, or am able to reply so one message is enough, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If its life or death, call your son"

My mum does this. Just can't wait. She was very huffy when I discussed it with her!

I would just do something lighthearted. "Christ MIL, I just picked up my phone - two texts and two calls in half an hour! I was just washing the dishes 😂The translation is xyz."

Ah you've already been in touch. Next time!

What a ridiculous over-reaction.

Just tell her firmly but politely there's no need to send multiple messages, you'll come back to her when you're able.

agree with a pp. I woukd say something but keep it relatively light. But if it doesn't stop I would be firmer - either directly or via your dh.

My mother does this. It is incredibly annoying! If I ignore, she starts on DP, she has even been known to contact my friends. I have told her NOT to do it but she still continues. I refuse to jump the minute she starts though, that would be rewarding ridiculous behaviour. You might just have to mute her, OP.

My mum used to do this. I think its because they are used to using landlines, and assume if you haven't answered you aren't there or something. I don't know. I unplugged the landline when she was calling first on the landline, then on my mobile, then text, then Whatsapp.
I've explained to her that I can't always get back to her straight away but I'll be in touch as soon as its convenient. She has calmed down now. It's just an etiquette thing that we are used to but the older generation aren't I think.

My MIL does this 😂 message to the group chat on WhatsApp, will send "?????" if there's no quick reply, will text me and DH separately, call us separately from her phone, then the landline, then FILs phone! She's absolutely batty in that regard.

I've just told her, if it's a super emergency then the emergency services are there - we don't always have our phones with us at home or outside, we're both in full time work so can't have phones with us all the time etc.

Normally she's asking for a hotel recommendation. Or where I got my throw cushions from. Personal favourite - wanted to call to ask if we'd enjoyed the takeaway we'd shared the night before. We'd already messaged her telling her it was fab the night before! 😂

We stand firm, we don't rush to get back to her if we're busy or don't have our phones on us! She knows now (doesn't always stop though).

I would ABSOLUTELY tell her that there is absolutely no need to harass you like that unless somebody is on death’s door. Instant gratification is for babies.

MIL can’t text but she calls over and over and over and over until you answer. Usually just to tell you some thought that popped into her head. I came home once and the phone was ringing (she is the only one who used our landline). I had stuff to do do just ignored the phone as didn’t want a conversation at the moment and she would want to speak to DH. She rang 14 times and I got so annoyed I didn’t answer. Did she not think ‘maybe they aren’t in, maybe they are busy!’ She kept getting the answerphone and hitting redial. When DH got home and answered the call she wanted to tell him she’d bought plasters in the new chemist.

You need to have this conversation or this just won't sto.p. If you don't tell her, how will she know it's a problem?

Just say 'if you've messaged, that's enough - I'll answer when I'm free. If I'm the shower / having a poo / working / looking after xx / driving / asleep I'm not immediately available. I'll get back to you when I can'.

What a ridiculous over-reaction.
Just tell her firmly but politely there's no need to send multiple messages, you'll come back to her when you're able.

meh. It is annoying OP. Has done for a while since this is MILs MO. Assuming OP has asked her not to do this, the easiest way to drive the message home is to ignore and if that doesn't work, block.
It's what i would do with twats who think that i have to jump to every text or call. Fortunately for me i interact with people who behave like adults rather than teenagers expecting you to jump to every beck and call.

You can see from the other side too sometimes, my Dd seems surgically attached to her phone. You see the green light, she is online with chat open, she has seen the message, she has ignored it. I might have followed up a couple of hours later if it was important to get an answer.

Nowadays I do leave it at one message, and get "told off" for not reminding her about x,y,z. Finding the balance gradually, (through gritted teeth sometimes.)

So would try to see it from the other side too "they are on their phone all the time, I don't turn up cos they don't like that, I don't ring cos they don't like that, you'd think they'd do me the courtesy of a response when I do use their preferred communication method"

Yanbu. Mine is like this too. Calls have to be taken immediately no matter how inconvenient - she and fil are still land line users and have extensions in almost every room!! (In fact there are two in their small living room so they don't have to get up to answer it - neither of them are physically challenged). Unfortunately DS (SN) has caught this habit from them and will start yelling the house down " Phone, answer it" if my phone rings.

I’m petty af. I would ring her and hang up as soon as she answers. Wait a minute, rinse and repeat fourteen times in a row and then say “It’s fucking annoying when people keep ringing you isn’t it???” How about you just ring once and leave a message and assume I will call you when I’m ready???

I trained my mother out of this by continually making up sensible reasons why I couldn’t answer. - ”Sorry, I was swimming”, “I was in the middle of my dental check-up”, “I couldn’t hear the phone while I was at the hairdressers” “At the checkout packing the big shop”.
I also sometimes called back and feigned absolute panic “Oh my god my mum, what’s happened? Are you hurt?” , which forced her to say “No, I repeatedly rang, texted and WhatsApped to see if you were watching Bargain Hunt”. The penny dropped eventually.

Ugh I just answer the phone and yell I’m doing the dishes and leave the line connected until I’m done. Drives her potty but means I’m not listening to my phone explode. Particularly useful when I’m dealing with paying the milkman or something because the conversation she overheard throws whatever she wanted to say on the back burner.
ive seen her do it to other people and I’m thinking fucks sake give them a minute.

This is my mother

After five texts and WhatsApp's and a missed call on Saturday even after I'd replied and said il call later. Was trying to get round Tesco

When I did WhatsApp she didn't reply for ages so I called her three time to which she eventually answered and said she was in the garden 🪴

So she got a short sharp reminder of how annoying it is and to stop being so friggin demanding.

She does the passive aggressive response but I just ignore it.

Seems to work for a while and then she starts again so I just remind her

My mum had form for this and it drove me crazy. She would also start calling other people if I hadn't answered fast enough. It all came to a head one day when she texted me to tell me her dog had died.Obviously, very sad and I would have responded as soon as I got the message. However, I was in a meeting at the time and my phone was on my desk. 45 minutes later, when I returned to my desk, I had something like 10 missed calls and messages from her and my sister and my BIL. The message from my sister was basically me telling me that I was being incredibly selfish to not to respond to our mother when she was upset.

I lost it completely. Pointed out to sister and BIL that they shouldn't believe a WORD she says as I had been out of touch for a grand total of 45 minutes. That if I HAD ignored her when she was upset, it would be totally reasonable to have a go at me but this was NOT the case. Then told mum that if she ever did it again I would simply stop answering all calls and messages to her forever.

It did stop.

My narc Dad used to do this until I ended up going no contact and blocking him. Not just for this reason obviously

I’d answer really breathless and shout “what’s the emergency” and then when she says “oh I just need xyz” say that you thought someone had died because of all the calls and you’d just had to run out of the bank/doctors/supermarket to answer her call