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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to drive child 20 miles with heavy item in boot?

46 replies

MonsterMunch99 · 24/10/2022 08:55

DP asked if I could go before work to pick up a hydraulic ram from about 20 miles away. Eldest happened to be awake and asked if he could come, so I said sure. I've been away for a week so I thought it would be nice to chat with him.
DP then got very cross because it's not safe to have a heavy object in the boot when there are kids in the car. I agree, but seeing as it's only 20 miles I thought the risk was pretty minimal. I didn't back down, since I'd told eldest he could come, so I said if DP wanted to pick up ram then DP could go and get it.
Cue flaming row.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Brieeeeeeeee · 24/10/2022 08:57

I feel a bit thick for not understanding why heavy objects in the boot are specifically dangerous

VengefulBitch · 24/10/2022 08:59

He's an idiot. How does he ever go on holiday with all your heavy suitcases in the boot? Is he always that silly? Also you say dp, if he's not the father then your child your decision.

Sirzy · 24/10/2022 08:59

I assume child and object are both correctly restrained in the car?

Noviembre · 24/10/2022 09:00

Does your imbecile of a husband think the car will be driving along with the front wheels off the ground?

VengefulBitch · 24/10/2022 09:01

@Brieeeeeeeee They turn in to pretty deadly flying missiles in the event of a crash. But you're already in serious trouble at that point anyway, so...

Iwantmyoldnameback · 24/10/2022 09:02

So if there is a risk he's happy for you to take it then? Nice!

NoSki · 24/10/2022 09:02

Noviembre · 24/10/2022 09:00

Does your imbecile of a husband think the car will be driving along with the front wheels off the ground?

It’s in car of a crash if not tied down it’ll kill all those it hits going forward

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 24/10/2022 09:02

Brieeeeeeeee · 24/10/2022 08:57

I feel a bit thick for not understanding why heavy objects in the boot are specifically dangerous

In the event of an impact, a heavy object can be extremely dangerous and kill.

Ilovetocrochet · 24/10/2022 09:02

Surely if it’s not safe for a passenger, then it’s not safe for the driver either? I assume you drive an estate type car rather than one with a separate boot?

britneyisfree · 24/10/2022 09:02

Maybe he was sending you to pick up a bomb

senua · 24/10/2022 09:02

DP then got very cross because it's not safe to have a heavy object in the boot when there are kids in the car.
Is he not equally worried about you?

Burnt0utMum · 24/10/2022 09:03

If it's that heavy to be dangerous then maybe it needs a van designed for carrying heavy loads. Otherwise I don't see the issue at all. Surely people load their boots up like this all the time. We've done it with bricks and cement in the boot and plasterboard etc on the roof and it didn't even enter my mind that it wouldn't be safe to carry passengers at the same time. Either it's safe to drive the car or it's not in which case it shouldn't be loaded up to begin with.

Whatsleftnow · 24/10/2022 09:05

I don’t understand your attitude. You agree with him about the risk but it’s only 20 miles …. so ? Do you think you will only have accidents when you plan to?

Not being able to say no to your dc isn’t great parenting. You’d rather take a risk than risk upsetting them? Those priorities aren’t right.

I’m not going to comment on the actual risk because I haven’t researched it. But there are definitely inconsistencies in your thought process if you believe it is a risk.

sashh · 24/10/2022 09:09

Not enough information.

How old is the child?

Is the object going to be secured?

Could you put the object in the front passenger seat and the child in the back? Obviously with teh objeect secured in the front.

Floydthebarber · 24/10/2022 09:09

It's such a small risk. And as pps said, you wouldn't give it a second thought it it was a boot full of luggage. And a hydraulic ram sounds really, really heavy, the likelihood of you braking that hard and going fast enough to propel it forward is even lower.

My mum used to put heavy things in the boot of her MG Metro to weigh it down when I was small as it had a tendency to lift off the road when she went fast!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/10/2022 09:10

britneyisfree · 24/10/2022 09:02

Maybe he was sending you to pick up a bomb

I'm relieved I wasn't the only one having suspicious thoughts here.

MonsterMunch99 · 24/10/2022 09:13

Whatsleftnow · 24/10/2022 09:05

I don’t understand your attitude. You agree with him about the risk but it’s only 20 miles …. so ? Do you think you will only have accidents when you plan to?

Not being able to say no to your dc isn’t great parenting. You’d rather take a risk than risk upsetting them? Those priorities aren’t right.

I’m not going to comment on the actual risk because I haven’t researched it. But there are definitely inconsistencies in your thought process if you believe it is a risk.

I had already considered the risk as negligible and one worth taking when I told my son he could come. I didn't want to then renege on that promise following DP's subsequent objection.

OP posts:
Cocopogo · 24/10/2022 09:13

I agree with whatsleftnow the 20 mile thing just lost you the argument. However I’d have still said ok you get it then and it seems to be that which threw fuel on it. Either way, you’ve been away, not seen much of DC so coming back and arguing isn’t good. Life’s too short. Just head out with DC, by time you get back hopefully it’ll have blown over.

MonsterMunch99 · 24/10/2022 09:15

sashh · 24/10/2022 09:09

Not enough information.

How old is the child?

Is the object going to be secured?

Could you put the object in the front passenger seat and the child in the back? Obviously with teh objeect secured in the front.

child is 9 and in car seat. Ram weighs approx 30-40kg and cannot really be secured. In the event of accident it could injure or kill someone in the cabin.

OP posts:
42isthemeaning · 24/10/2022 09:20

After your latest update I would suggest that nobody should be transporting that in a car!

ouch321 · 24/10/2022 09:22

Well that's the same as 2 luggage hold size suitcases so meh

Lifelessordinary1 · 24/10/2022 09:23

I better not sit in the back of my daughters car then as i am very definitely a heavy object .

How are you getting it into and out of the boot - if its easy enough to be picked up then it cannot be heavy enough to make that much of a danger - yes it needs to be secure but I cannot imagine much would weigh as much as 3 big adults who could be sitting in the back of the car.

MonsterMunch99 · 24/10/2022 09:26

Lifelessordinary1 · 24/10/2022 09:23

I better not sit in the back of my daughters car then as i am very definitely a heavy object .

How are you getting it into and out of the boot - if its easy enough to be picked up then it cannot be heavy enough to make that much of a danger - yes it needs to be secure but I cannot imagine much would weigh as much as 3 big adults who could be sitting in the back of the car.

Yes, if you sit in the back unrestrained and she has a crash, you could kill the person in the seat in front of you.
They even broadcast a on TV.

OP posts:
Goldunicorn · 24/10/2022 09:27

If we're going to be picky, then both of you have a point if you properly look at "risk".

Anyone who has done any risk assessment training at work will know that "risk" is the combination / multiplication effect of "a thing that could happen / go wrong" and "how bad could that thing be".

And to reduce the "risk", you reduce or remove or change any combination of things involved. So, overall risk is in theory reduced by by having fewer people involved (2 people in car means 2 people could get injured, only have 1 person in car, you've removed one person from the equation). But equally, a short(er) distance might reduce risk - to counter the point above no, accidents don't happen just in the places you plan for them to - but only doing 20 miles rather than 50 or 100 reduces opportunity (if all else is equal). Obviously it doesn't reduce as much as only doing 10 or none .....

And then relative to going on holiday or doing a big shop - what's the difference to that kind of heavy stuff versus this? If it can't be tied-down securely, that's a different story. Depends whether you think you know nothing about it, so don't think about it - or because it's so different to what normally goes in the boot, you're extra careful about tie-downs.

Not an exact rule, but if its something that can safely be tied down / secured in the boot (and doesn't impact the balance / safe load of your car), then it sounds reasonable. If every other person who carries this ram has a specialist kit installed in their works van for a reason, then its probably not a good idea.

MonsterMunch99 · 24/10/2022 09:31

senua · 24/10/2022 09:02

DP then got very cross because it's not safe to have a heavy object in the boot when there are kids in the car.
Is he not equally worried about you?

in the absence of a self-driving car, at least one person has to drive it. But kids in the back are optional.

OP posts: