I fucked up again, I hate myself

[Angryatme]

I know it’s not the worst thing in the world to a lot of people but it’s a big deal to me and I hate myself so much

I’ve been a nail biter all my life. I don’t know why I do it because I think it’s disgusting but I just always end up doing it. I’ve never had nails long enough to paint without looking stupid. They’re usually half a cm long. riplint them off hurts so much and it bleeds and I hate it so much but it’s such a strong addiction and it’s as if my brain blocks out the pain.

i decided several months ago I was sick of being embarrassed about the state of my fingers and I would make myself grow my nails. It has been bloody difficult not to bite them- it’s such a strong addiction and I’ve really struggled but I managed and they actually started growing white tips. I was so happy and proud of them. It took ages because they’re all damaged from 20+ years of biting

but I had a stressful day at work and ended up accidentally ripping them all off. At least 2 fingers have no nail left at all- it’s just a sort of the rim where my nail was and skin, the entire nail bed is gone. There’s nothing left at all, just cuticle and skin.

i hate myself so much. I was so proud of my nails and I loved them so much, I really wanted to grow them to normal length and it was the closest I’ve ever come. But now I’ve gone and fucked it all up again. I know I can regrow them but that was months worth of growing and I’ve ruined it all

Oh you poor thing
My DH does this. It’s stress related as you know. Can you work out what the trigger is? Possibly devise some sort of distraction technique when you feel the urge.

It must be heartbreaking xx

That sounds awful! Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s such a compulsion. I don’t bite my nails (anymore) but I do scratch my head, and I literally can’t imagine stopping doing so.

if you’re really determined to stop the habit, then Therapy might actually be a useful place to start. It could help you to better understand if this is triggered by boredom or anxiety or something else, and to learn some different coping mechanisms.

Hi lovely. My daughters bite their nails and I used to (I scratch my head instead now).

When not at school, they have false nails on. Also gels are very good for making it really hard to bite them.

So why don’t you grow them a little and then get some false nails put on and then once you grow them to a certain length, have them gelled regularly?

Nice colours as a treat for you.

Don't be hard on yourself, lots of people bite nails or do other things when stressed.

Have you tried a rubber band around your wrist? It’s a type of therapy (Google it)
It’s worked for me

OMG, I can't imagine how painful that must be and the compulsion behind it. I've been a nail biter for years. I've managed to stop when I have an important event coming up (lot of notice) and then take such pride in my nails, paint them and everything. Then something happens and it's all undone in a night. I even get tweezers out to pull at bits that I can have a nibble on. I feel disgusted with myself. The skin around my nails is red and swollen. I know I can get it under control if I really wanted to. For me, it's the first sign of stress.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. I did the same thing so many times when I was breaking the nail biting habit. I still have bad days where I'll bite the skin around my nails and make them bleed.

Each time you let them grow they'll get stronger! Use a good jojoba oil on your cuticles and when your nails regrow keep them painted with a clear polish at least to strengthen them.

OP I am like like but not with my nails, it’s the skin around my fingers. One thumb has been peeled so badly over the years that the scarring goes all the way down my thumb. I know get arthritis type pain in the thumb and believe at this point there must be nerve/muscle damage. I am too embarrassed to seek help. I know what you mean about it being painful but your brain blocking it out. I do it at work and then it bleeds and it’s awful because I work in a people facing job and they can see.

I’ve never been able to sort it out so can’t advise but you’re not alone

Oh you poor thing!
I do the same but not as badly. You've done so well to last so long!

You need to look at it differently and realise you mat not conquer the compulsion in one to, but every step I'd a step in the right direction - you made a few big ones in one go, that's brilliant.

I find keeping a nail file on me helps a lot, I tend to bite them more when I'm aware they're not smooth, keeping them shaped helps. Then when I start to bite, I cut of the bitten bit (keep clippers handy) and file the rough edge.

It often seems to go hand in hand with anxiety disorders so if this is relevant I'd look at trying to treat the anxiety too?

Breaking the habit takes practice. The compulsion may never fully go away (it hasn't for me) but with practice you can learn to be more aware and intervene before you take it too far.

I hope your fingers heal quickly, don't be hard on yourself.

Put some plasters over the tips of your fingers. Start again tomorrow.

Go easy on yourself.

Lifelong nail biter here. Can you afford to get your nails done? I get gels put on mine every two weeks, religiously. It's the only thing that has stopped me.

I am sorry though, I know what a set back it feels like

I’ve found plasters can make nail biting and skin picking worse as when the plaster comes off and the skin is soft and moist it’s easier to pick at.

I would suggest finding a good nail technician and getting gel nails (or whatever they recommend)

This technician has lots of YouTube videos and does a lovely job. Your nails sound shorter, but it will give you an idea on what can be done.

One step back that’s all, you will get there. Gel nails might be the answer in the meanwhile.
It is your way of coping with stress. Both my mum then me and now my daughter rip out lips - I am NC with my mum but given she is 80 and did the last time I saw her. After 50 years and over a year of counselling for trauma I don’t do it any more. Daughter is getting better.

If you have the funds I'd suggest treating yourself to a nice worry/fidget ring and try to focus on that instead of your nails, nice rings needs nice nails to go with them, as they grow again treat yourself to a nice manicure.

I stopped biting mine by using the plaster method, just on 2 fingers each hand to start with.

Good luck!

I used to do this the only thing that stopped me was a couple of years of shellac manis I had to cold turkey until they were long enough for the first one but then I had my polish changed weekly. I will occasionally have a nibble if one is catching but I don't rip the whole thing off anymore

I voted YABU as you are talking about yourself awfully and you need to stop.

This is a compulsion that is hard to overcome......and honestly you will get there.
The advice already given on this thread is great and you just need to keep trying, you'll get there! In the meantime, be kind to yourself.

Please be kind to yourself! It’s one of those things that unless you’re a nail biter too, you just don’t understand.

Think of this though, you’ve grown them before, you can absolutely do it again.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. Yes - trying gel nails might help you avoid ripping the nails of... but you also need to be tackling the stress you're feeling. Can you try CBT? I tried it for general anxiety and it did help a bit...

Please don't be too hard on yourself. So many people are stressed and we all do different things in response. I'm a stress eater and I feel a similar sense of shame and disgust that you seem to imply when I respond to stress in that way.

Oh OP, I understand. Huge nail biter here. I managed in 20s to grow them enough to put nail varnish on. Then I had kids...pandemic...back to work after 2 maternity leaves. Nails all gone again, I'm always embarrassed by them. Would love to get fake nails but they're too short to even do that! Watching with interest.

It is a form of self harming. Ripping off your own finger nails is a sign of acute distress, what happened?

Please go into counselling and get some proper help. This is much more than your finger nails op. The level of self hatred you have expressed on here needs is not at all healthy for you.

Hey. I'm a former nail biter, I've stopped in my 40s as a side effect of therapy. It's an anxiety based habit. I honestly don't think biting your nails is a big deal but I remember how frustrating it is to try to grow them and then find you've ripped them off.
The negative self talk is a much bigger problem. It's so hard to go through life hating yourself and feeling ashamed all the time. Forget about the nails - this is the thing you should work on, and maybe your coping habits like nail biting will decrease. There are loads of good self-help books for this. Be kind to yourself.

This absolutely worked for me op.
I was a horrendous nail biter until my 40s, when I decided to approach a local beauty salon. They were incredibly sympathetic and did my nails with very short extensions painted in a neutral colour.
They lasted a few weeks and when I had them removed there was enough growth for me to start having regular manicures and gel nails.
I have never looked back and have totally lost the previously overwhelmingly desire to bite my nails as they feel very different with gel polish permanently on them!

I know am regarded as the person with the immaculate, always beautiful nails in my friendship group, something I could never have imagined a few years ago!!

Now, not know!!

Try painting your nails with shellac - it works to stop me biting or tearing my nails and let's them grow for a bit. Admittedly after about two weeks I tend to peel the shellac off which is bad for the nail, but if you're more organised than me you can have it aken off properly and repainted. I'm never tempted to bite the nail with the shellac in, don't like the sensation against my teeth.

Shellac/UV gel didn’t work for me, it’s incredibly easy to bite off.

the only thing that worked was months of false nails to break the habit and allow them to grow underneath. Once you’ve done that then gel nails are a good way forward to stop them breaking and therefore the temptation to bite them further.

good luck, it’s so frustrating when you have those set backs!