"bring your whole self to work" and other wanky work phrases

[CrabbitBastard]

I really loathe that expression "bring your whole self to work". Its so wanky and also inaccurate - no one ever brings their whole self to work. We all want to keep our work and private lives separate don't we?

dont think my colleagues would appreciate me bringing my sweary, slobby, cheesy music loving side to work. What about those individuals who might be having relationship, infertility, health problems and not be comfortable sharing this with others? Therefore, they won't be bringing their 'whole selves' to work.
I also hate "we are like a family here" My real life dad wouldn't question why I needed time off work to see my doctor or anything like that!
Its great that companies are friendly or inclusive, but all those wank phrases really grind my teeth.
What other phrases do MNetters hate?

It annoys me mainly because it only applies to specific categories of information. I can't tell people I feel completely useless at my job and really insecure about how I'm perceived, but apparently everyone has to know how the guy in legal who came out 20 years ago felt about it. I don't really know how it's relevant.

@ThanksAntsThants nailed it....

If I'd have taken my whole self into work, I would have been sacked by lunchtime.
I prefer to keep my work and private life entirely separate, thank you.

I went for an interview at a tech company a few yeara ago. They were "scaling" 🙄 so had a meet and greet session with "all candidates". It was mainly really hyped 25 year olds going oj about "play hard work harder"
yawn and waxed lyrical about pizza night with the ceo every thursday night. A girl then said " we are such a tight knit group, team fit is everything. On Monday on our standup, we'll have a "wash out" so we take each person in turn, show their picture and we all give our honest feedback. They are soooo brutal". 🙄

i left

It often happens the other way. I saw this at one place I worked, lots of sexuality and racial and sex diversity. Even a fair bit of age diversity.

But all middle class (whether or not they started out that way) progressives who voted for left parties.

I suspect, moreover, that even with a workplace made up entirely of people who were white, or black, or women, or gay, or working class, you could have all kinds of diversity of thought.

Oh and everyone going on about "radical candour", without actually having read the book. Just using it as an excuse to behave badly.

jeez, I could be here all day. Another one "authentic leadership"

Oh that is grim 🤢

At the workplace I just left, one of the other managers had swallowed the entire bullshit business talk book. "Reach out" "touch base" "ducks in a row" "going forward" I think she thought it made her sound more managerial 🤔

Oh I do have to mask things at work.
If I brought my full self to work, I'd be sacked by Monday lunchtime.

"This is an act people, an act! I'm paid to be like this".

"going forward". Listen, fuck face, unless you have invented time travel we are all going forward (otherwise known as "the future")

I firmly believe that work life and personal life should never mix.

However it's the "enforced fun" I can't stand.

I'm clearly a miserable cow

Anybody saying "it is what it is" grinds my gears.

Taking my whole self to work is likely to result in disciplinary action and to lose me my job.

And it's actually a minefield for naive or inexperienced employees because it gives the impression that you can reveal anything about yourself and it's all somehow treated equally. In reality, there are things that are greeted as "so brave" (but you're not allowed to talk about the reality) and things that may get you an "in" with a higher-up even though they're completely irrelevant, and things that will make your worklife very awkward and things you'll be ostracised or penalised for. Try telling everyone you have a mental illness or a criminal history or you've been sexually assaulted or you're taking the day off to have an abortion or you're having an extramarital affair or you shoplift in your spare time or you're an alcoholic or even that you're planning to quit as soon as you find another job.

Also not a fan of the much more established "work/life balance". My job/career is PART of my life; I don't fall down dead/go into stasis at 9 AM and suddenly reanimate at 5 PM. Clock's ticking all the time.

"Just thought I'd reach out" is the one I can't get on board with at all. Get so many emails from externals beginning like this. What was wrong with "I'm getting in touch because".

"Ping that over to me" is another one that sends my hackles up. It's my boss's favourite and he's in his 60s so has no excuse. Just say 'email me' ya fanny.

"Going forward" has been hanging around way too long now. Pissed me off 15 years ago and still does. As has "send it by the end of play".

The number of diversity events and meetings being held that are entirely gender focused. You can't do diversity without disability, race, religion etc, but gender is on trend and easy, in their eyes. Box ticking bollocks.

"low hanging fruit" - just make me think of testicles.

"Mental Health Matters" Only matters to them because if you need time off due to stress / anxiety caused by shitty working practices it causes problems. Otherwise it really doesn't matter.

If you need time off for mental health reasons then it is entirely your own fault as you didn't do enough mindful yoga/mindful breathing/mindful walking/ mindful listening to music, or whatever the latest mindful activity is. I mean, you probably get a weekly email about it from the mental health ambassador, so how can you say they're not doing their bit?

Bring your whole self to work? I won't be bringing unmedicated schizophrenia to work if you don't mind it might upset people.

Neither does "Mental health matters" when my NHS bosses load an unnatural amount of work on top of me when they know full well my mental health history and then wait for me to crack.

Haha yes that's what I always think when they say low hanging fruit 😂

Yeah but it's a fucking lie. I have ADHD (actual medical diagnosis) - I guarantee no-one at work wants to know.

'Let's wait a couple of minutes for others to join', said a couple of minutes after a meeting/call start time.

Not when I chair of host a meeting. It did not take long for the message to get through that I start on time.

Not a phrase but I hate ice breakers or whatever they’re renamed as. I used to work in a high street bank and we had to start 15 minutes early (UNPAID!!!) to do a ‘team building activity’ (it had a wanky name but fortunately I’ve blocked it from my memory). I’m talking things like playing charades, dancing like a duck, Pictionary, generally games that you can get away with playing with your in-laws at Christmas but in a banking hall with colleagues you just about tolerate it’s not that fun.

Well Said!

“Teamwork makes the dream work” - usually said by a boss that does next to nothing.

Oh please do this on your next "team bonding" activity day