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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday Fiasco Grande DH never has time for me

66 replies

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:14

I have 2 DCs 2 and 1, my DH is older, has been married before and has older children. Anyway, my point is, he is an established man, his job is quite stressful and full-on, but has some advantages, I had this idea that we would enjoy the fruits of his labour in some style and ease, he keeps assuring me that everything is under control work wise, but in fact something always crops up, it's rather stressful. He is also quite disorganised and we are always chasing our tails with money. Because of work we moved 3 times in 3 years, every time the place was a mess and I had to organise renovations, etc., lots of entertaining needed and reorganise family life, on top of giving birth twice.

Anyhoo, we moved again in the summer as he took semi retirement. Things went well and although he's not the type to relax and take a back seat, I could imagine a future when he would slow down, children a bit older and he could support me in my career and ambitions. As a treat I booked a dreamy island holiday on the other side of the world. It is really our belated honeymoon and we have both been looking forward to this well deserved time away from it all, just us.

I can hardly believe what I'm writing but no sooner were we settled in paradise island that his phone was literally frying off the hook with work demanding his attention, all hours of the day and night! I told him to just turn it off but just, no, no possible! To some extend I understand, things are hot at work right now, it would be stupid to ignore. But still. Once he agreed to have his phone 'off' for dinner and he spent half of the evening in the bloody loo, whilst I ate lobster on my own. Does he think I am stupid and can't work out that he was on the blower all this time? I was fuming. I am fuming actually, we can never have moments to ourselves because of work emergencies and it's becoming rather tiresome. I need him to adore me and he simply is not giving me what I need.

Things got so bad that we had a massive argument and cut short our holiday and flew back to Blighty post haste. He is now attending to a series of urgent and important work crises, and when he is at home, constantly on the phone or in meetings with pp.

I have been left to unpack, process the holiday fiasco and look after our DCs, I am literally at my wits end!!

I know we have a great future together but at the moment it's hard to see.

Great wisdom of Mumsnet, tell me if BU or NBU and what should I do?

OP posts:
NorthernSoul55 · 23/10/2022 18:17

Well Carrie, you made your bed....

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:21

What? Not sure why you think that, but thanks anyway. Things are beyond right now and I literally have no one to turn to in confidence.

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 23/10/2022 18:25

I don't find these funny anymore. Not sure why.

FallingLeaves111 · 23/10/2022 18:26

Your username is a bit obvious

Pollyputthekettleonha · 23/10/2022 18:26

If he's semi retired why is he still so busy? Did he change jobs/roles to something less senior or cut his hours? Has anything actually changed work wise?

DappledThings · 23/10/2022 18:30

EscapeTheCastle · 23/10/2022 18:25

I don't find these funny anymore. Not sure why.

Were they ever funny? Never seen one that made me do anything other than roll my eyes

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:30

@Pollyputthekettleonha He cut his hours but still has some commitments that he agreed to keep, plus some freelance work that he enjoys. His work environment is always in flux and difficult to be half in half out tbh. He's just a doer and can't switch off but I do feel let down.

OP posts:
RedDiamond · 23/10/2022 18:32

It's the "Anyhoo" that gives you away and I agree with @EscapeTheCastle that you are not funny anymore and really quite boring actually.

EscapeTheCastle · 23/10/2022 18:33

DappledThings · 23/10/2022 18:30

Were they ever funny? Never seen one that made me do anything other than roll my eyes

Yeah, you're right, they were never funny.

deliverooyoutoo · 23/10/2022 18:34

This is such a waste of time.

Relocatiorelocation · 23/10/2022 18:34

Oh FFS are you that Carrie troll? Bore off.

OnceYouKPop · 23/10/2022 18:36

Anyhoo, Blighty and Blower... it's like badly written AI satire

TicketToRideFan · 23/10/2022 18:38

You knew exactly who you were marrying Carrie.

VladmirsPoutine · 23/10/2022 18:40

These types of threads have been tedious since their inception. Not one has ever been funny. Not a single one.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2022 18:40

Is it the same obsessive person who starts all these land threads, or does each new person who does it think they’re a proper genius and a right scream for coming up with something nobody else had thought of?

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:41

Okkkkay @deliverooyoutoo @EscapeTheCastle @DappledThings @RedDiamond ouch, I get it thanks.
@Relocatiorelocation Not 'that' troll, not everyone is on here 365, point me, will you?
Apologies to everyone for being soooo unbearably boring.🤕

OP posts:
roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:46

@ComtesseDeSpair "or does each new person who does it think they’re a proper genius and a right scream for coming up with something nobody else had thought of?"
Err, not sure, but stupid enough to not get why you are all so offended.

OP posts:
Rainbowpurple · 23/10/2022 18:46

How was he before you married him? Was he family oriented, really excited about two kids under 2 ans starting over the new family life again or was he just going with the flow without changing much of who he is.

DappledThings · 23/10/2022 18:49

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:46

@ComtesseDeSpair "or does each new person who does it think they’re a proper genius and a right scream for coming up with something nobody else had thought of?"
Err, not sure, but stupid enough to not get why you are all so offended.

Nobody's offended. Bored maybe, and unamused. But nobody has posted anything that suggested they are offended. Sorry to burst your bubble on that one too.

SuffolkBargeWoman · 23/10/2022 18:50

Seriously? @Rainbowpurple
You're encouraging her???

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:50

@Rainbowpurple Thank you for playing with me! Well, he loves his kids, all of them of course, but I wouldn't say starting a young family was a priority for him as much as it was for me. In any case he's probably a better father to our two than he was when he was younger, which is nice. Plus I am very proud of our little family.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 23/10/2022 18:52

Rainbowpurple · 23/10/2022 18:46

How was he before you married him? Was he family oriented, really excited about two kids under 2 ans starting over the new family life again or was he just going with the flow without changing much of who he is.

You're missing the 'point'

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:52

@DappledThings No, no you are offended that some random dares post something on mumsnet that doesn't entertain you.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 23/10/2022 18:53

roulemapoule · 23/10/2022 18:52

@DappledThings No, no you are offended that some random dares post something on mumsnet that doesn't entertain you.

I don't think you understand what offended means

deliverooyoutoo · 23/10/2022 18:54

How many children does he have?

How many affairs has he had since he married you?