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Original poster

To think that Engagements are no big deal anymore?

57 replies

IndiGlowie · 23/10/2022 16:09

It seems to me that people don't bother with engagements anymore . I remember years ago Engagements were celebrated. It was put in the local paper , there was a party etc . I haven't heard of anyone young getting engaged for a long time . Is it dying out ?

OP posts:
StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 23/10/2022 16:14

Unsurprising that the whole engagement process has evolved. The majority of couples who get engaged in 2022 are already sharing a bed and a home. Bit different to decades ago when most people were still living in their parents' home and often still to have sex. It was a much bigger deal that deserved an announcement and a party.

HikingforScenery · 23/10/2022 16:17

I think it still is, in fine circles.
However, where a coupe has lived together for years and get engaged, it doesn’t seem like anything has changed, really…

Penguinsaregreat · 23/10/2022 16:19

Yes I agree. Seems a bit of a non event if you already share a house and kids.
Not the case in certain circles though.

HikingforScenery · 23/10/2022 16:19

HikingforScenery · 23/10/2022 16:17

I think it still is, in fine circles.
However, where a coupe has lived together for years and get engaged, it doesn’t seem like anything has changed, really…

some not fine

BeanCounterBabe · 23/10/2022 16:21

I’ve been married 25 years. We never had a party. I’ve never in my life been to anyone else’s engagement party. Maybe just not a thing in the circles I move in.

TeenDivided · 23/10/2022 16:22

We didn't have a party 25 years ago either. We just got on with sorting out the wedding.

girlfriend44 · 23/10/2022 16:22

Someone I know got engaged recently and showed the ring etc. Don't think there was a party though.

Discovereads · 23/10/2022 16:23

BeanCounterBabe · 23/10/2022 16:21

I’ve been married 25 years. We never had a party. I’ve never in my life been to anyone else’s engagement party. Maybe just not a thing in the circles I move in.

Glad I’m not the only one that can’t recall engagements being announced in papers or huge parties for them ~25+ yrs ago.

CheezePleeze · 23/10/2022 16:26

I'm in my mid-fifties and engagement parties were definitely a thing in my circles, up until about the early 90s.

But nowadays I'd say most people just move in together before any engagement, so they don't make a big thing of it.

weegiemum · 23/10/2022 16:41

We had an engagement party in 1993, but weren't living together and didn't until we got married. Been married 28 years this year. Was basically all our friends and lots of wine and nibbles in my flat living room. Was a great evening! We were engaged nearly 2 years though due to our studies, but mainly to let my dad have as much fun as possible organising stuff (changed days, he was paying!).

Original poster
IndiGlowie · 23/10/2022 16:43

weegiemum · 23/10/2022 16:41

We had an engagement party in 1993, but weren't living together and didn't until we got married. Been married 28 years this year. Was basically all our friends and lots of wine and nibbles in my flat living room. Was a great evening! We were engaged nearly 2 years though due to our studies, but mainly to let my dad have as much fun as possible organising stuff (changed days, he was paying!).

When I meant a party it wasn't necessarily a big event in a hall but usually there was some kind of celebration such as yours .

OP posts:
Skiphopbump · 23/10/2022 16:48

An engagement used to mean that you intended to get married, move in together and start a family. Now that many people move in and have children first an engagement is pretty meaningless in most cases.

Dixiechickonhols · 23/10/2022 16:50

In some cultures engagement parties are a big thing - my dd’s friend went to a big one in India in summer.
I’ve not heard of an engagement party being norm for years, I’ve been married 20 years and it wasn’t a thing.
Most couples are older and living together when they get engaged. It would be a bit odd to have a party.
My mum said you got small gifts like tea towels etc for your bottom drawer at your engagement party but that was 1960s.

DelurkingAJ · 23/10/2022 16:52

I went to a few in the late 90s. All for people who were both students and not moved in together. A little like housewarming parties were a big thing at that age but I haven’t been to one in the last decade…

Mosaic123 · 23/10/2022 16:55

I went to an engagement party in the summer. A young couple in their early 20s. They live together and plan to get married in a couple of years.

It was lovely.

lentilly · 23/10/2022 16:56

Depends on the circles you move in

housemaus · 23/10/2022 16:56

I know a few people who've had engagement parties but they're kind of people who tend to do that about everything generally - like big parties for all life events. Which is absolutely their prerogative, of course! But it's not the norm among people I know and I know some of my friends found a VERY extravagant engagement party we were invited to last year weird - I'm talking entire venue hired, fully decorated room, band etc...

We forgot to tell some people we were engaged til we sent save the dates out though so we're entirely the opposite way and probably equally weird😅

x2boys · 23/10/2022 16:56

Dixiechickonhols · 23/10/2022 16:50

In some cultures engagement parties are a big thing - my dd’s friend went to a big one in India in summer.
I’ve not heard of an engagement party being norm for years, I’ve been married 20 years and it wasn’t a thing.
Most couples are older and living together when they get engaged. It would be a bit odd to have a party.
My mum said you got small gifts like tea towels etc for your bottom drawer at your engagement party but that was 1960s.

Yes my step cousin has a Greek Cypriot heritage and he had a big engagement party with a marquee ( my uncle is very rich ) and they had some kind of ceremony too..

NotTodayPal · 23/10/2022 16:59

Skiphopbump · 23/10/2022 16:48

An engagement used to mean that you intended to get married, move in together and start a family. Now that many people move in and have children first an engagement is pretty meaningless in most cases.

Agree.

I’ll be jumped on for saying it but I’d take that one step further by saying there’s no point to a big white wedding when the children are accompanying you down the aisle. What, you’re promising to be committed to each other forever? Err… I’d kind of hope you’d already have had that conversation when you decided to bring children into the world.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 23/10/2022 17:04

Maybe it’s partly down to the explosion of the wedding industry? Weddings have become much bigger and more expensive than they typically were 30 years ago - so perhaps people going for the full-on event wedding put all their energy into that rather than an engagement party beforehand.

Original poster
IndiGlowie · 23/10/2022 17:05

DelurkingAJ · 23/10/2022 16:52

I went to a few in the late 90s. All for people who were both students and not moved in together. A little like housewarming parties were a big thing at that age but I haven’t been to one in the last decade…

Gosh yes , Housewarming parties haven't heard of those for many years !

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 23/10/2022 17:08

Housewarming parties yes they were a thing too.

Original poster
IndiGlowie · 23/10/2022 17:09

Re Housewarming parties. I guess with more people renting they don't see it as a permanent home or their home ?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2022 17:11

Announcing it in the paper was really only ever for the upper and upper middle classes, wasn’t it? Who knew/thought there were people in “society” who would want to gossip about be interested that the daughter and son of Lord and Lady HooHah or whatever were getting married. A couple of my friends who have minor titles had their engagements announced in Tatler and some other publication. I doubt anybody would give a crap that DP and I are engaged, so ours was not announced.

Virtually everyone we know has had some kind of small engagement celebration though, even if it was only champagne at home with a few friends.

Dixiechickonhols · 23/10/2022 17:17

NotTodayPal · 23/10/2022 16:59

Agree.

I’ll be jumped on for saying it but I’d take that one step further by saying there’s no point to a big white wedding when the children are accompanying you down the aisle. What, you’re promising to be committed to each other forever? Err… I’d kind of hope you’d already have had that conversation when you decided to bring children into the world.

Show quote history

I was going to say I’m a bit bemused by engagement when you are already living together with your child or children. I wouldn’t say anything but congratulations though.
My wedding was in local paper but not engagement think mil sent it in (not posh)