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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Presents for 12 kids.

79 replies

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/10/2022 09:49

My husband and I don't have kids, but have 12 kids in the family/friend group.
Have been trying to get presents and hhooked at the
Doesn't help that 4 have birthdays in November and December.

OP posts:
AlwynAllWin · 23/10/2022 12:16

Don't stress too much about it! When I was younger, the highlight of the wider family gifts was a selection box from one uncle and auntie! It wasn't more stuff I wouldn't use and it was tasty!

MenaiMna · 23/10/2022 12:26

If you want to continue being a gift giver then I took the view a birthday is more memorable and special to each individual child so you stop doing Christmas altogether and do birthdays only going forward. And set a limit per child (£15?) After age 13 it's cash or gift card direct, after 18 they are adults- no more presents.
If you want to keep doing Xmas find out what they do as a family - if small children buy the Santa's grotto tickets and thats.their present, make sure you follow up with a zoom to ask them how it was so they connect the memory with you. If older kids; pp have excellently suggested a family board game.
Or a cinema outing?
I used to make time/get organised so that I had free time on the 22nd or 23rd to take them yo a Christmas movie giving the parents time to themselves for errands or just to breathe!

FairyBatman · 23/10/2022 12:26

Buy each family group a board game, a tin of chocs or biscuits, and if you want to be super generous each kid a selection box. That's more than enough.

MzHz · 23/10/2022 12:30

If you have to buy anything, by a gift for the family, a treats hamper or something, but your spending a fortune when all they do is get you a gift per family.

you have the perfect opportunity to reset this arrangement this year

“cost of living situation is a nightmare so we’ll just get each family a little something to share”

MzHz · 23/10/2022 12:30

You’re*

mamabear715 · 23/10/2022 12:30

Buy all year round, in the sales. I get stuff for the neighbours' kids like that. A good money saver!

Ringbling85 · 23/10/2022 12:43

@Treesandsheepeverywhere you said “ of the ones we'll see over Christmas (with 4 kids) are big on Christmas/presents etc. “

out of curiosity do they get you gifts??

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/10/2022 12:57

Thank you all.
We had made a budget of £10 per child but then the right gifts were each a little over which added up.
I've looked at the links and got some great ideas.
Friends A, will get a board game and tin of chocolates.
Friends B, have birthday coming up so kid will get £10 in a card to avoid overspending and big tin of chocs for Christmas. They're not board game people, so will just leave that out.
Friends C, whom we'll definitely see over Christmas and are into Christmas have 2 birthdays coming up. Have already bought the birthday presents which ended up being £12.99 and £11.99. Will get a fancy tin of chocolates for all and not sure what else as they have every board game going.

You're all right in that it shouldn't be stressful hence throwing my hands up and wanting to cancel the whole thing.

I find with buying stuff over the year, I see better stuff later and have buyer's regret.
Also got stung buying a tractor for a tractor mad boy who suddenly decided closer to his birthday that he didn't like tractors anymore.
Present was already non returnable by then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/10/2022 13:02

Ringbling85 · 23/10/2022 12:43

@Treesandsheepeverywhere you said “ of the ones we'll see over Christmas (with 4 kids) are big on Christmas/presents etc. “

out of curiosity do they get you gifts??

They do, but nowhere near what we spend. They'd get us a joint present which might cost a third or half of what we spend.
Just remembered, the dad's birthday is coming up too in November and we usually get him a bottle of wine.
That's because he usually has a joint one with the daughter as their birthdays are either side of a weekend/ days apart, so hard to get her something not him. Then the son's is in December.

Writing all this down is helping as it's so stressful.

OP posts:
Ringbling85 · 23/10/2022 13:21

so you’re getting the raw deal to be fair, I would do a family game as a present to be honest and say with cost of living etc that’s what is happening…end of!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/10/2022 13:47

With my friends we had a conversation about it and agreed to only buy for kids at bdays as it's too much at Christmas.

For family we only buy for the nieces and nephews, not the adults.

None of us have much money especially at the moment.

Nutsabouttopic · 23/10/2022 14:19

Mine received McDonald vouchers, cinema vouchers and pizza vouchers last year from various people. Loved them. Vouchers from £5. We also got given a gift bag with a board game, two bottles of fizzy drinks, family sized crisps and hot chocolate stirrers. All were used and all appreciated

SpongeBob2022 · 23/10/2022 14:40

I only ever buy for nieces and nephews. I like buying for them but I would find more than that stressful. I don't do birthdays or Christmas for the children of my friends although if I was actually invited to a birthday party for a friend's child then that's a bit different so I'd put some cash in a card.

I can afford to buy stuff but I don't feel the need to. My friends don't buy for my DS either. If I had 4 kids there is no way I'd expect a friend to get presents for them all and at the very least I'd be saying that to you...even if you then chose to ignore it.

If you feel you must get something for them then give them £10 or a fiver and some chocolate.

drpet49 · 23/10/2022 14:46

i only but for family children and godchildren.

Ponderingwindow · 23/10/2022 14:53

I only buy for nieces and nephews.

it really doesn’t matter if you will see them over Christmas. You still don’t need to bring a gift to your friend’s children. if you must, a box of sweets for the family is pretty typical.

shivawn · 23/10/2022 15:01

My husband comes with a very big family with 8 siblings and has 21 nieces and nephews ranging in age from 4 to 31 and he has 4 grandnephews under 6.

We genuinely have no idea what to buy kids of different ages so they all get clothes every year. I'm pretty sure we give the worst kids gifts out of everyone else in the family but we're just a bit clueless.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/10/2022 16:24

I think you know this isn’t sustainable or even appreciated. Board games, chocs, £5 in a card or a stricter budget per person - all absolutely fine. As is a present amnesty. Honestly - I have three kids and this time of year sends me into hives. When they get gift upon gift they don’t appreciate or enjoy any of it. What a waste.

girlfriend44 · 23/10/2022 16:46

Knock it on the head, no child needs loads of presents from friends/relatives . They get enough from mum and dad.

Everyone has got far too much stuff anyway.

Bloody more chocolate and Colouring Pens etc.

BeanieTeen · 23/10/2022 17:11

I would just knock this on the head now - nieces and nephews fine if there aren’t that many. But if you ever do have children and realise how fickle children are in terms of their gift appreciation (especially at Christmas when they get shit tonnes and have no overview of what came from Auntie Sue, Grandma, mum’s best friend, Santa…) and how little parents want all this stuff taking up more space on the house, you will seriously regret spending all this money on other people’s kids.

mondaytosunday · 23/10/2022 19:51

I don't buy presents for friend's children! I buy for mine, my niece, and my stepsons (adults, father passed away). Now one has a child I'll buy for her and the other will have a newborn at Christmas. They don't buy for my kids however, which I find unacceptable- they are half siblings after all, and they lived with us through their teens.
But cut your list to family only - and family you are close to.

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/10/2022 23:48

Thank you all. Your advice has made feel better. Silly to fall into such then feel guilty about stopping it.
Will definitely be cutting down and taking stuff back tomorrow.

OP posts:
EstellaRijnveld · 24/10/2022 11:22

Another thing you can do is to get them a nice Christmas bauble, personalised or not, & add a Christmas choc. That's more thoughtful and you could continue this so when they leave home they have a box of their own Christmas baubles. Buy a fancy box and split between them if you don't want to buy individually.

Lcb123 · 24/10/2022 11:40

Everyone has too much stuff already. I'd either go book voucher in a card, or combined family gifts like a box of chocolate and / or board game rather than buying lots of cheap little gifts.

stormelf · 24/10/2022 11:51

We only buy birthday presents in my family. Last year both my sister's and I had a baby (my third child, second child for one sister and first child for other sister) so now there are 6 children in the immediate family. I thought it was unfair for my sister's to have to buy more Christmas presents because I have more children and money is tight as it is. So we all decided that we don't buy anything for other people's children at Christmas but we honour their birthdays and buy birthday presents. Children get so much anyway and with three under 5 in the house space is at a premium as I'm sure it is with most young families

Maybe you could talk to family/friends and say that you will buy presents at birthdays instead It would still mean you buying 13 birthday presents but at least that would be spread throughout the year. You could still buy a token Christmas present e.g. box of chocolates per family of children

MuddlingThrough1724 · 24/10/2022 20:29

We like the cotton twist craft sets - range of prices/sizes and age ranges too, and have always gone down well with my daughter and her friends.

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