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AIBU?

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Original poster

Always taking the later lunch

52 replies

Noodge · 23/10/2022 00:16

I 'man' a helpline on a night. Two or three of us, colleagues in same role each shift, and one manager although manager wouldn't work every night.

Manager recently got seconded to a different department. Her job was advertised (also as a secondment) and a colleague applied for and got it, although she does work each night I work.

Before she was seconded into this position, we used to swap lunches, one of us taking the latest one, one the earlier one. If the third colleague is there, she prefers the earlier one so always goes first, then me and 'manager' colleague would swap as we both prefer later (I hope this makes sense)!

Now she's got the position she always takes the later lunch. I feel It's unfair-her reasoning is she now works later due to her new position. She works 15 min to half an hour later and she chose to go for that position. She's also paid more.

One shift recently I was feeling really unwell (VERY rare for me, I'd had a small procedure done that had given me an awful headache) and told her I'd prefer the later one as I was struggling to keep awake and an earlier 'lunch' exacerbates this. She said yes at first and then said 'no you go now and have a rest'.

I feel It's unfair, It's pissing me off and I am tempted to raise it with her or our old manager (who 's still our 'official' manager).

If I don't say anything, old manager will ask me how It's been going at some point, I know she will and I'll struggle to not tell her.

Who is being unreasonable/WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Noodge · 23/10/2022 00:17

Sorry realised I didn't explain well-I should have said alternate, as in one night I used to be the later lunch colleague the earlier, next night she was the later so it was fair.

OP posts:
CourtneeLuv · 23/10/2022 00:24

wwid? I'd grow up. Surely a difference of an hour isn't that much of an issue?.

LittleMrsPerfect · 23/10/2022 00:27

No I think this is an issue as I prefer later breaks too.
it’s not fair for a manager to take the best slots

Atmywitsend29 · 23/10/2022 00:30

Having worked nights, almost everyone I've ever worked shift with has preferred the later break. Because when you come back from break it's less hours until hometime. I completely understand the manager wanting that later break if the have to be there additional time, even if it's only half hour.
Also if a member of my staff came to me and said they had a headache, I'd also have encouraged (and have done so in the past)them to have a rest at that point in the hope that some headache tablets, water, a bite to eat and maybe 30ins shut eye would make them feel better.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/10/2022 00:33

She is in a different position things change.

Have a smaller meal at lunchtime by breaking your lunch into 2 rounds, you won't feel as tired or sluggish.

I always eat 50% of my packed lunch on morning tea breakfast, I'm a fast eater.

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:35

Is it just taking your break an hour earlier? I do get that you’d prefer the later slot, but is it really a problem to go earlier? I do think if the manager colleague is staying later every shift, it makes sense they take the later break. That they applied for it and get paid more now is a bit irrelevant. You could have applied too, presumably.

Original poster
Noodge · 23/10/2022 00:35

Atmywitsend29 · 23/10/2022 00:30

Having worked nights, almost everyone I've ever worked shift with has preferred the later break. Because when you come back from break it's less hours until hometime. I completely understand the manager wanting that later break if the have to be there additional time, even if it's only half hour.
Also if a member of my staff came to me and said they had a headache, I'd also have encouraged (and have done so in the past)them to have a rest at that point in the hope that some headache tablets, water, a bite to eat and maybe 30ins shut eye would make them feel better.

I hear you, but I'd specifically requested that I take the later one as I knew I'd be worse for taking the earlier (which I was).

Also that may be your experience but it's not mine apart from this colleague-the old manager always took his early, as he said if he ate late he struggled to sleep, and our other colleague finds she risks falling asleep if she takes a later lunch so she prefers earlier too.

FWIW when we were 'just' colleagues, even though we'd alternate, if she wanted the later one for any valid reason I would say that's fine. I am not totally unreasonable with her but always having to have it is annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noodge · 23/10/2022 00:35

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/10/2022 00:33

She is in a different position things change.

Have a smaller meal at lunchtime by breaking your lunch into 2 rounds, you won't feel as tired or sluggish.

I always eat 50% of my packed lunch on morning tea breakfast, I'm a fast eater.

I never eat on my break, that's not the issue.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:38

It sounds like you’ve been lucky so far that a lot of colleagues prefer earlier. And you were OK with alternating because that worked for you both.

But now your colleague is in a manager role and so is dictating terms and you don’t appreciate that. But… they are your manager on that shift, right?

Original poster
Noodge · 23/10/2022 00:43

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:38

It sounds like you’ve been lucky so far that a lot of colleagues prefer earlier. And you were OK with alternating because that worked for you both.

But now your colleague is in a manager role and so is dictating terms and you don’t appreciate that. But… they are your manager on that shift, right?

She is doing the old managers' job, sort of (not all of it) but she's not been given that title-I forget what her title is however. I guess I just feel she's being unfair for no good reason.

OP posts:
Xmassprout · 23/10/2022 00:46

If she finishes later than you then it seems fair she gets the later break

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:55

she always takes the later lunch. I feel It's unfair-her reasoning is she now works later due to her new position. She works 15 min to half an hour later

But regardless of how you feel, her reasoning is pretty solid - she does work 15-30 minutes later than you do.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/10/2022 14:12

It makes sense for her to take the later lunch when she is working later.

Begoniasforever · 23/10/2022 14:14

God this is so petty it’s cringe, she works later let her have rhe later lunch, and try to get a grip when you do so.

YellowTreeHouse · 23/10/2022 14:20

She’s working later and she’s the manager.

At the end of the day this is business, and it isn’t always fair in business.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 14:21

If I don't say anything, old manager will ask me how It's been going at some point, I know she will and I'll struggle to not tell her.
You have this all about face.
Why would you keep this to yourself?

Just tell your colleague that you are unhappy with the way she is taking all the late lunches, & that from now on you want to share them 50/50.
Make sure you do this in writing.
If she doesn't comply, go direct to your manager, explain that you have proposed a reasonable solution of 50/50, that your colleague is selfishly refusing, & ask her to rule on it.

You might not find it "easy" but it is very, very simple.
Stick up for yourself OP & use your words!

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 14:22

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:55

she always takes the later lunch. I feel It's unfair-her reasoning is she now works later due to her new position. She works 15 min to half an hour later

But regardless of how you feel, her reasoning is pretty solid - she does work 15-30 minutes later than you do.

She CHOSE to work those later hours. What have 15-30 minutes got to do with riding roughshod over OP;'s perfectly reasonable wish to share the late lunches equally?

CourtneeLuv · 23/10/2022 14:24

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 14:21

If I don't say anything, old manager will ask me how It's been going at some point, I know she will and I'll struggle to not tell her.
You have this all about face.
Why would you keep this to yourself?

Just tell your colleague that you are unhappy with the way she is taking all the late lunches, & that from now on you want to share them 50/50.
Make sure you do this in writing.
If she doesn't comply, go direct to your manager, explain that you have proposed a reasonable solution of 50/50, that your colleague is selfishly refusing, & ask her to rule on it.

You might not find it "easy" but it is very, very simple.
Stick up for yourself OP & use your words!

It's not her colleague, its her manager.

RonSwansonsChair · 23/10/2022 14:27

I think that 1) she has seniority (even if temporary), and 2) she finishes later, so therefore she should take the later lunch if that's what she wants.

Unicorn2022 · 23/10/2022 14:32

Is there any chance that the middle and late lunch times could both be put back 30 mins, so the middle lunch break isn't quite so early.

PopcornChewingGum · 23/10/2022 14:36

Poor management skills on the part of the new manager. You can't just take dibs on the plum slots because you're the manager! Any manager with any sense would share these. I don't blame you for being irritated.

drpet49 · 23/10/2022 14:37

LittleMrsPerfect · 23/10/2022 00:27

No I think this is an issue as I prefer later breaks too.
it’s not fair for a manager to take the best slots

I agree. Why should the manager always get the best picks? Rather selfish of her and not setting a good example.

KettrickenSmiled · 23/10/2022 14:39

CourtneeLuv · 23/10/2022 14:24

It's not her colleague, its her manager.

Show quote history

So what? Same rules apply.

You don't use your (brand new) managerial clout to bag all the best perks, & fuck everybody else. That's not management, it's bullying.

Original poster
Noodge · 23/10/2022 14:51

This isn't the only issue, some more arose last night and there were some others before now.

I'm on my way out just now but I'll Come back to the thread.

I am going to have to talk to my (actual)manager. I'm still not feeling great (aforementioned issue) & I'm contemplating ringing in sick tonight. I am well enough to work, I'm one of those folk who's almost NEVER off sick, but not well enough to feel up to working alongside her being the way she is with me.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/10/2022 14:56

I am well enough to work, I'm one of those folk who's almost NEVER off sick

And yet you want to call in sick because you're squabbling with a colleague about what time you have a break? You won't find much sympathy on here.

If you have a headache because of a medical procedure, call in sick with enough time for them to find someone to do your shift. Not just before you're due in. That's not fair on everyone else. You sound immature and sulky, to be honest.

If there are serious other issues as well, then report them. Otherwise if she's working later, it makes sense for her to have the later break.