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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick on my own

47 replies

Whatsinthefuture · 22/10/2022 19:56

I’ve had a nasty cough and cold this week. Felt rotten but now on the mend. It’s not covid by the way (done 2 tests). I’ve been with my partner for 3 years but we live separately. He refuses to visit or spend any time with me because I’m sick. He went to the shop for soup for me a couple of times in the first couple of days but not seen him since. I’m feeling rotten and could do with the company and a bit of tlc. Am I weird in thinking he should be supporting me more. Hasn’t even asked if I need any fruit or anything from the shops. Is this normal?

OP posts:
minidancer · 22/10/2022 19:57

You've got a cold, I would stay away too. If you're on the mend I'm sure you could pop out to get fruit. Hope you feel better soon

A580Hojas · 22/10/2022 19:59

Are you too ill to look after yourself?

FennelAndOnions · 22/10/2022 20:00

Well he probably doesn’t want to catch it!

Can you not cope having a cold by yourself? If you need him to fetch something for you then ask him.

Dontsayyouloveme · 22/10/2022 20:00

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’d expect a partner to offer to do some shopping for me, and I’d expect a short visit, even if we kept our distance. What a cough and a bloody cold between partners.

sorry you’re feeling key down and I hope you make a quick recovery. remember this next time he’s complaining if man flu…

TowerRaven7 · 22/10/2022 20:01

To be honest I don’t really blame him but it would be nice for him to check if you are ok and if you need anything.

Original poster
Whatsinthefuture · 22/10/2022 20:01

I just feel isolated and not the best. Would be nice for a bit of comfort. Just wanted to see if his behaviour was normal. Sounds like it is then.

OP posts:
Dontsayyouloveme · 22/10/2022 20:01

*let, not key

lentilly · 22/10/2022 20:02

Have you asked him over?

Original poster
Whatsinthefuture · 22/10/2022 20:02

Thanks. Much better than Tuesday. I just think I would be more present if he was unwell. I’d probably make him a few meals. Watch a few movies with a bit of distance.

OP posts:
Worthyornot · 22/10/2022 20:03

He's not wrong to want to stay away, but surely he can drop off food or check if you need anything? He doesn't sound very caring. Yanbu.

TheGirlWhoLived · 22/10/2022 20:03

Yeah just tuck yourself up in bed with snacks, Netflix and water to hand and you’ll be fine soon.
maybe also some lemsip or similar!

LeMoo · 22/10/2022 20:03

Yanbu - partners are supposed to step up at times like these.

Funny, if the shoe were on the other foot..!

Original poster
Whatsinthefuture · 22/10/2022 20:03

Yes asked him over and he says “no you’re sick “

OP posts:
lentilly · 22/10/2022 20:04

Whatsinthefuture · 22/10/2022 20:03

Yes asked him over and he says “no you’re sick “

Does he have somewhere he needs to be that means he can't risk being sick? Visiting a sick relative in hospital perhaps?

user1471457751 · 22/10/2022 20:05

He's done 2 food shops for you in the space of a week. If you didn't ask for what you wanted from those then that's on you. And if it's made you feel bad enough that you haven't been able to do much for a week why are you so keen to pass it on to him? Which is likely to happen if he stays over to watch films with you.

CaronPoivre · 22/10/2022 20:08

You’ve got a cold. I think most people take a couple of paracetamol and get on with life. Some fresh air and a bit of exercise would probably help.

FistFullOfRegrets · 22/10/2022 20:10

No he sounds like an uncaring arse. If he doesn't want to risk getting it (I understand that) the lest he could do is ask if you want anything dropped off, watch a movie together on zoom, maybe play a game online together etc. Drop things off to cheer you up.

if he's not making any effort, it's time to really reevaluate your relationship, imagine if you were really ill or became disabled, he's not going to have your back is he?

thetes no point in him, finding someone for the good times is easy enough, finding someone for the bad times is worth the wait.

don't think 'but 3!years' think '30 years of this??'

MissMaple82 · 22/10/2022 20:11

I wouldn't go anywhere near you either.. you won't die on your own!

Original poster
Whatsinthefuture · 22/10/2022 20:14

It’s not just a cold. I haven’t been to work more like chest infection I think but just expected some more effort that’s all. I guess not all people do as you would do. I will take same approach when boot is on the other foot. It’s just they lack of trying to cheer me up etc. I just thought it was odd. He didn’t do a couple of food shops actually. He got me some soup (just soup) from the shops

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 22/10/2022 20:15

I don’t blame him, I got a cold from my daughter and I’ve had the most painful sore throat, I’ve struggled to eat for the last 4 days yes it’s “just a cold” but I would avoid if I could.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/10/2022 20:20

I'm sorry I wouldn't visit you either but I am asthmatic and anything like that either affects me for weeks/months or puts me in hospital.

I would however do some shopping for you and drop some stuff off.

PinkSyCo · 22/10/2022 20:20

But if he catches what you have he will need someone to look after him and then they will catch it and need someone to look after them etc etc. Use your common sense OP and stop being such a baby.

DancingInHisShirt · 22/10/2022 20:22

I’d stay away too. I would text every day and offer to bring you anything you needed though. And chat over text or FaceTime if you wanted. But actual contact, no, theres no point in both of us being ill.

He’s your partner, presuming he’s nice, just ask him to get you things if you need them. If this is part of a bigger picture of him being selfish, then get rid of him.

Mangogogogo · 22/10/2022 20:24

I don’t think it’s normal at all. At least it isn’t for me! I my relationship we nurse each other when poorly and do anything to help the other feel better.

Hibernationsetting · 22/10/2022 20:24

Thing is, if it’s just a cold and therefore he should willingly catch it, why is it so bad you need personal attendance?