To really dislike my nearly 3 year old?

[pumpkinfuck]

Just as the title says really. She's always been the sweetest, most pleasant little girl. We've always seen ourselves as 'blessed' with the perfect first born. The last 2-3 months she has turned into the devils spawn.

The attitude she has is unbelievable, an answer back for everything, complete defiance to anything that's asked of her, awful tantrums, the simple tasks she's always done herself have suddenly become impossible. She's just really unpleasant to be around, she makes me cry on a daily basis from pure frustration and I don't want to spend any time with her at all.

Someone tell me the threenager phase will be over soon cos I feel terrible mum guilt for disliking her so much lately!

Sometimes you have to reevaluate your parenting and make changes. She’s clearly going through a really difficult phase which could simply be a phase or could be a reaction to something else. Has anything changed in her life?

You crying every day really isn’t good. Maybe ask your HV for some advice?

Good luck, it will pass.

My suggestion would be to give her more choices and independence while you're there in the background to guide and make sure she's safe. Could be simple things like pick two outfits and let her choose which to wear, or get her cooking with you in the kitchen etc. At 3 she's still struggling to emotionally regulate herself so I'd do some work with her around feelings and try to give her the words to put to her emotions. Some kids like using a book of faces and when they get upset or have big feelings they can show you which face fits which helps you understand what she needs to relate herself. Lots of sensory based play can be great for managing big feels too. Has she recently started nursery or had any changes to her routine? As for you, you need to fit in some down time where possible for a bit of self care, make sure everyone in your home is being consistent and remember it's waves and troughs, she'll come back through this phase with your help and support.

It will pass! At these age they do test the boundaries and push lots of buttons!!! Prob will last a year or so. (sorry!)

It does pass. When Dd was 3/4 I HATED being a mum. I loved her but my fucking god she was difficult.

What helped was changing my attitude, realising that she was having big emotions and whilst it was still a pain in the bum, if I didn’t rise to it it did help. How to Talk so Kids Will Listen is a great book to read.

She’s 5 now and on the whole everything I smooth sailing with her attitude. Unless she’s tired and then all bets are off.

Has something happened? I'd be a bit worried if my DD did a 180 like this. I think she might need some love bombing - which I know seems a bit counterintuitive as she's pushing you away. But she's trying to tell you that's she's angry and unhappy so maybe that's the place to start rather than being frustrated/ despairing.

I feel you! I have a three year old girl too and WOW is all I can say. Terrible two’s was not a thing for us so her new attitude is a shock 😁

I am currently pregnant so that will definitely be playing into it but she's never said anything negative towards it. She's always been so excited. Although she's very good with expressing happy/excited/sad/upset emotions, I guess she doesn't yet know how to express being worried or concerned that things might change.

This is it! Everyone said how bad terrible twos is and we just didn't get that at all. I've been blindsided by this new threenager phase that I wasn't expecting!

Oh lovely, sending you all the best for your pregnancy.
I have a 9 month old baby too so there are also big changes at our end, especially now the baby has become more mobile and interested in all her things. But I also do think most of it is her age and that she is pushing the boundaries more and more. Yesterday she had a 30 minute meltdown in public and it was a joyous occasion and a first for me too 😁
My daughter is starting pre school in January so I’m hoping that helps her with a bit of structured routine/discipline. Is yours due to start soon?

But you said in your op that she is 2... Sounds like terrible twos to me! I think to am extent it's unavoidable but you can learn to recognise the triggers (hunger and tiredness usually) and improve your communication e.g. giving choice, giving time warnings, and also just pick your battles. She will grow out of it.

Yes I was expecting the change when baby is here as that obviously is inevitable, just not quite yet! She goes to private nursery 2 days but will start school nursery in January for 5 days, which she seems pretty excited about! At least it gives me a break for a few weeks before baby if things haven't settled before then!

I was going to ask if you'd had a baby or were pregnant. It's really common.

She knows its going to mean change, but can't really articulate her feelings.

threensgers are bad enough without that anyway. Try to think if it as emotions she can't handle & live her harder! (Hard I know when she's trying your patience) .

congratulations on your pregnancy too!!
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@SnackSizeRaisin she's 3 next week. We already give choices and time warnings, loosely/trying gentle parenting tactics which we've always done, she's just started to completely ignore all of it, clearly it's going well for us 🙄😂
One blessing is that she still goes to bed and sleeps all night without any issues, so I'll thank my lucky stars for that one and try ride it out!

This is so common. I don't know why some posters are telling you they'd be concerned. Both my children went through phases like that at 2/3. Really frustrating... but you just work through it, keep firm, consistent and keep setting boundaries. It lasted a while though.

I’m not at this stage yet but heard loads of people say they thought they came through the terrible twos unscathed only to be floored by a threenager

YANBU. As my user name says, I’m really struggling and dislike my 3.5 year old DS a lot of the time. He just shouts and screams constantly and loses his sh*y over absolutely everything. He’s always been hard work but this is another level, and it feels like he should be coming out of it now. I thought my older DC was hard at 3 but nothing like this.

She's feeling unsettled because another baby is coming. There's also the fact that some DC have easy 'twos' and then hellish 'threes'. My two were easy at 2 and 3, dreadful at 4. They're all different. The coping strategies are the same: stay calm, offer limited options, decide on consequences that are proportional and reasonable and follow through with them, praise good behaviour when it happens. This too shall pass.

Mine was utterly vile between 3-4 - it did pass. But you have to be firm and consistent. It's very draining but you cannot give in to their tantrums and demands.

Thanks ladies! I knew I wasn't alone in this stage of turmoil, but it definitely lightens the mental load a little to know that what I am feeling is normal! (ish)

Ughhh! Sending you lots of hugs and encouragement, the ride is (hopefully!) nearly over for you!

YANBU

I don’t know anyone who liked their kids when they hit 3!

thankfully the threenager phase only seems to last a few months when the worst hits

Oh yes it should be over in 15 years or so if you get your parenting right with a sprinkling of luck!

We've always seen ourselves as 'blessed' with the perfect first born.

In all serious, there lies the start of your problem. I'm glad for her sake she has now become less than perfect at an earlyish age (ie, a normal 3yo) so that she doesn't enter her teens with that level of expectation on her shoulders (ie, to continue to be the PFB for ever more).

It's sad that you say you actively dislike her though rather than being frustrated, annoyed or disliking her 3yo behaviour. But I think that you were probably just venting and that you can now start to learn how to parent through the more difficult times effectively while ultimately enjoying the process if not every day within it.

I genuinely didn't dislike my children at age 3. Why would you dislike a tiny person who is learning to navigate the world and behaving in a very normal way?

I remember thinking that whoever invented the phrase "terrible 2's" had clearly never looked after a 3 year old! My angelic toddler morphed into a monster over night, also not helped by the arrival of his little brother. It was a difficult time.
It passes though, as all these phases do. And before you know it they're out getting pissed with their mates on a Saturday night and you're having to nag them to study for their A levels!

This is a really hard age - but you do need to learn to “talk” their language. My DC (nearly 4) will not respond to direct instructions unless he’s minded to, if you get cross, he just matches you. I have to offer choices “Do you want to walk to the car or shall I carry you” constantly! I have got the measure of him and have found he’s really good company now but my DH just spoils him then ends up falling out as he can’t direct him to do anything.