Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Help!!!

44 replies

syed · 27/01/2008 20:15

Hi My son is 9mths old and my inlaws keep feeding him chocolate,sweet,cream cake,coke (anything that is bad for him). They say it is what grandparents do and is a sign of affection and only a small amount will not be harmful. I have been raising my son so far on a healthy diet of fruit,veg, fish etc and it is not my intention to give him sugary/salty food as much when he is older, and certainly not now. Please advise as to what I should do as they just don't listen and I am getting fed up with it.

OP posts:

macdoodle · 27/01/2008 20:19

You will not win with GP,my IL's who ae great feed my DD rubbish - never mind crips, choc, rubbish sweets, but while they eat a proper cooked meal (ie meat and veg)..she gets pizza and chips, fish fingers...and chips, nuggets....and chips...when I suggested she would eat what they had (she is 6)..my mIl said she didn't like it...funny she eats what she is given at home ...I gave up it is only once or max twice a week

stuffitall · 27/01/2008 20:21

I kind of agree that grandparents should be allowed to "spoil". But coke? at 9 months? what planet are they on?

twospecialgirls · 27/01/2008 20:22

omg i would so lose my temper you and your partner need to decide what your going to say and back each other up and firmly tell them that you will not allow them to feed your son that rubbish you appreciate that they love him but they can show it in onther ways ie playing with him or giving him juicy grapes or cucumber i had a lot of sim problems with my mil and it took me being very firm for her to listen as being soft and nice doesnt get through to some people xxx good luck x

Psychomum5 · 27/01/2008 20:26

eek......the curse of well meaning grandparents!!!

how about you sugest a compromise??

tell them that you are trying to raise him without sweets etc, and altho you realise that it is their perogitive(sp?) to give him treats, please can they only ensure cake/chocolate and only that.......you are banning fizzy drinks and other sweets completely, IYGWIM.

that way they can feel as tho they are treating him, and you can still have a small amount of control!

and FWIW......I found my MIL holding a lolly in my then 4mth DD2 mouth for her to suck, when I hadn't even started weaning her!!!!!

DD2 has so far grown pretty normally tho, so no lasting damage, altho she is an extremely fussy mare when it comes to food.

Hassled · 27/01/2008 20:27

It depends how often this happens - if it's a very occasional visit, then it probably isn't worth the upset - the odd bit of cake isn't going to cause any lasting damage. If it's more often and regular you have to have a firm-but-very-polite conversation where you mention childhood obesity, tooth decay, how you really really appreciate all their support BUT doctors today have different advice. Be insistent but charming and polite - works wonders!

tori32 · 27/01/2008 20:31

syed The importance of the problem depends on how often they see ds. If its every week you definately need to put your foot down. If its once a month or less then I would pick battles carefully.The odd choc, cake, biscuit, cream will do no harm in moderation so long as you clean his teeth regularly. Coke needs to be addressed as this can bloat children and fill them up so they don't want meals.

I would ask them to save these things for snack times, rather than after meals, so that meals stay healthy IYSWIM.

Vacua · 27/01/2008 20:32

caffeine - for a 9 month old? would have to say NO there, they must be absolutely barking

the rest of it won't do any harm given his otherwise carefully thought out meals and will probably be a good thing - since when have small amounts of chocolate and cake not been part of a well rounded diet?

Wilkie · 27/01/2008 20:33

I would be V angry - they are going against your wishes. I can understand a bit of choc or biscuits but coke???? No. Can DH not talk to them??

talktothebees · 27/01/2008 20:34

a small white lie might help? could you say you've taken your DS to his first dentist visit and they noticed a thinning of his tooth enamel and issued a DIRE WARNING not to give him pop, sweets etc.

If it's a regular thing then it is serious because the junk they feed is taking up valuable room in his still tiny belly which should be being filled by nutritious food.

You need to win this battle or they'll be ignoring your wishes concerning your DS for the rest of their lives.

YANBU. Stop being nice about it. They need a serious talking to

joyfulspike · 27/01/2008 20:35

my IL are the same, i watched them feed their other gc on choc crisps etc from early, they started giving choc from 3m onwards!
When I was pg I made a point of saying often how I would not allow crap food until dc was at least 2. Every weekend I mentioned it. They took no notice at all - they've raised 3 dc, 7 gd and 2 ggc so obviously they know better! I make a point of saying 'no' whenever crap is in the offing and taking it away. I have had a tug of war over a giant bag of malteasers with mil! I constantly follow ds round the house esp when ILs are near the cupboards where the crap is kept. I only allow him to eat their fruit and yoghurt and we never stay for meals except on boxing day. until recently, visits were about an hour as it was just too stressful to stay longer. I've just realised wot a complete cow I sound, but I don't care [evil spoilsport emoticon]! I do not want my son eating all the crap they'd happily throw at him, and beleive me, they'd give him loads and he's only just 2. They are starting to get the message 'spoilsport mummy won't let me give you nice food' and I say 'nope give him an apple instead' .
good luck, stick to your guns and if all else fails cut back on the visits. They'll soon get the message.

shelleylou · 27/01/2008 20:35

m,y xmil nevewr listened n still doestshe thinks she can give my ds anything she wants including as much coffe as she feels like giving him, Ive repeatedly told her not to and that if it continues or i have any inclination that she is giving him tea coffee or coke then she will not be having contact with him (not just an empty threat). It's your child MIL should respect your wishes!!
Good luck

tori32 · 27/01/2008 20:35

vacua spot on. If you only give children fruit, veg, meat and never fry or roast anything or give butter on toast, where do they get their required fat? Not all fat is bad and a certain amount is necessary. Lots of people do get hysterical about diet, myself included when dd was same age

Original poster

syed · 27/01/2008 20:36

My husband has spoken to them but they just don't listen. We see them atleast once a week and the way I see it is if every member of my family thought the way they did then the poor boy will be eating junk allday.

OP posts:

Wilkie · 27/01/2008 20:37

If you are there can't you limit what they are giving him by saying NO?

He is only 9mo, you are his mother and can stand up to them.

tori32 · 27/01/2008 20:40

PS dd had jam sponge and custard for pud last night and thomas cakes which she baked tonight for pud! I have got over the hysterical phase!

Vacua · 27/01/2008 20:40

I remember my eldest daughter's first birthday party and offering nothing but mixed bean salads and fruit juice to her guests of varying ages - and I heavily diluted that

daughter number 3's birthday parties, born a good decade later, tend to offer the fish fingers and chips and e-numbers a-go-go fare

it's all about balance innit, but I have learned the hard way not to label any foods 'good' or 'bad' - it's all about proportion and quantity

Wilkie · 27/01/2008 20:42

BTW - I am not a healthy food freak, my DS does have biscuits, chocolate, cake etc but it is a limited amount. I wouldn't be happy with my ILs giving DS coke! (I think that has shocked me more than anything).

Kimi · 27/01/2008 20:42

Tell them unless they respect your rules and stop trying to kill your child with junk and caffeine, sugar, and god knows what else you will stop them seeing him.

What sort of loon gives a 9 month old child coke.

Original poster

syed · 27/01/2008 20:44

No they just don't listen to me. I've seen the diet they have brought their own daughter on and believe me it is just rubbish the girl can't even eat a proper meal and just wants fried chicken,chips,sweet blah blah blah. I don't want my son heading the same way. I don't feel as though I can leave him alone with them as I am worrie wot they will give him. Went out today and left him with them for 2hrs and heard from my husband he had some kinderegg and some cream cake although only small amount..but still..

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 27/01/2008 20:44

Message withdrawn

tori32 · 27/01/2008 20:45

I agree, coke is not the best thing at 9mths, but its hardly a whole can of it. Unless ds has an allergy waiting to arise, 1 mouthful will not send him loopy!

Original poster

syed · 27/01/2008 20:47

I understand that I will not be cutting out cakes, sweet etc from my child's life but at 9mths it just sounds ridiculous to me.

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 27/01/2008 20:51

Message withdrawn

Psychomum5 · 27/01/2008 20:52

picking up on the remark you made about how they have bought up their own daughter, and her eating habits now......

that is their daughter, and so she has been exposed 24/7........I really don't therefore think you need to worry about your son. He isn't being exposed 24/7, and you are bringing him up with a healthy diet, so he will not be like your SIL!

he will grow up with a healthy attitude to food if you allow him to have cake/chocolate/biscuits in moderation, or even just while with the grandparent. A little once in a while will NOT hurt, altho any fizzy really should be discouraged as it can make them hyper too, not least the teeth damage etc.

DD is sat next to me tho and is suggesting you send him with a lunchbox filled with the type of treats you won't mind him having and see if they can take a hint from that....

Vacua · 27/01/2008 20:54

I have a bit of a horror of caffeinated drinks and children, fizzy drinks generally

this is largely irrational of me

I understand your concerns though because only say 3 months or so into eating solids I'd probably prefer my children to appreciate the natural sweetness of foods rather than develop a strong taste for confectionary but I can imagine this tension growing and growing. think, coupled with loosening up a bit, I agree with the poster who suggested cutting back the visits a little, is that possible?

Flip

1 2