my neighbour is gaslighting me

[doggodilemma]

I just feel like this is the only way to describe my feelings right now.

There's a lot of back story but I will keep it simple.

The other day at 1am, my neighbour climbed over the adjoining gate and knocked on our front door, my dog barked in response and I had woken up at the sound of his leg hitting the gate and then startled further by him knocking. My biggest fear is being broken into and I am in therapy for this and OCD behaviours around it (locking doors etc).

My dog is yappy, but to ensure that they don't bother anyone, especially at night, they are in bed with us. I wake up at the slightest noise because of the fears I have.

Next door is split into two flats, the man who climbed over (old man / potential dementia but seems fine) and a couple upstairs. The couple upstairs messaged me to say that from their perspective they heard barking that they thought was our dog but his behaviour is unacceptable. Old man has been ranting to them all morning because I put a letter through asking why he did it and he was afraid I'd call the police apparently.

I have Ring doorbell footage that shows silence as he comes over the gate and silence until the moment the first knock occurs on our door. I know my dog was in bed because when I woke up at the noise of someone climbing over our gate I was fully conscious and saw dog on bed and said 'NO!' to barking and then the knock happened and I shouted to DH "OMG someone is actually there"

FWIW, he bangs on our adjoining wall when he thinks the dogs are barking. This has happened when our dogs aren't even with us and at my parents (like before holidays etc)
Our whole street has dogs, it's always loud and my dogs only bark at post man / other dogs outside our house barking. So there's always another dog it could be plus loud foxes.

What also doesn't make sense is why I would hear him climb the gate but not my own dog barking for all the apparent time before the moment it occurred.

I feel like I'm going mad. Old man climbed our fence this morning and stuck his head through my kitchen door causing me to scream again - he wanted to clear the air and semi-apologised.

Not sure what I am asking for here but please help!

@Daisychainsx It’s not that easy. She’s tried talking to him, he doesn’t listen. And she’s explained in her posts that he seems to think that any barking that he hears is her dogs, even when they are asleep or not in the house! Yes he might be confused, but he’s harassing her.

Thanks to those that understand the issue. I feel like I need a picture to explain but I also have no talent in that area so to clear more things up:

• incident at 1 am was at the front of the house, climbing over the gate. It is not a high gate when he's at the steps of his house and easy to climb over, on ground level it comes to my chest and I am 5'2. I assume he climbed it because it is easier, you step over, the gate is never locked - it doesn't have a lock
• incident today about the previous night/morning was at 9am in my garden with high fences.

To explain my garden, I have a kitchen with big bi-folds at the back. Bi-folds were open for the dogs to go out but they didn't want to (don't like the cold) so I left it open whilst I poured my breakfast and their breakfast at the island which looks onto the garden. He had put the ladder on his side of the fence, climbed to the top and leaned over INTO my kitchen and said my 'name' (he always says it wrong, i believe on purpose as he knows my name and gets my husbands right despite them both being traditional- e.g. let's say my name is Charlotte, he always calls me Charlene)

He has family and he seems functioning, but his behaviour with upstairs and us is confusing, he's apparently been like this for years according to the neighbours. He has rented the flat for many many years and I have spoken to the Landlord when I previously had to call the police, he got an ASBO letter (but I don't believe an actual ASBO, not sure what the process is) due to a complaint from someone else but he'd also upset me so was coming round to find the person out.

It's confusing because he has also said to me there are no other dogs in the road, it has to be my dogs. But that's just factually incorrect. I don't understand why he's doing it and it's making me go crazy. I do feel threatened as a twenty-something female at home alone when a man puts his head unexpectedly through my door and shouts my name.

He didn't apologise properly, after me continuing to say I felt scared and threatened, he made a comment that he understands I am a target for burglars because I have money (this was weird- nothing ostentatious about me/us) and that I must have not heard the dogs barking.

I spoke to upstairs who said it could have been another dog, they don't know, they just know a dog / animal made noise and he began banging. They also said it was strange as my dogs never bark at night time!

I wasnt rude. I asked you a question and stated facts. You called me names. Regardless this is pointless and I have no further interest in discussing it.

It's confusing because he has also said to me there are no other dogs in the road, it has to be my dogs. But that's just factually incorrect. I don't understand why he's doing it and it's making me go crazy.
You are allowing it to send you crazy. The only response you need here is "you are wrong, leave me alone."

I do feel threatened as a twenty-something female at home alone when a man puts his head unexpectedly through my door and shouts my name.
"Get away from me, & get off my property. You are harassing me & I will call the police to deal with you if you dare to come here again."

He's bullying you because you are letting him.
He won't do anything to you - he knows you have a husband. Who he respects enough to pronounce him name correctly - unlike yours. So show him that you demand respect. And mean it about the police - you don't need to tolerate grumpy old men parading about on your property.

Is there any way you can add some height (up to 2m) onto the bit of fence he climbs up and leans over? Or something that would make leaning over difficult?

If he does it again, don't discuss anything with him. Just say, "I've told you before that this is inappropriate, if you want to talk to me, ring my front doorbell like everyone else". And then ignore him. Every time he does something like this, write down the date and time, and what happened. You may eventually want to use that as evidence of his continued harassment.

Regarding the dog business. Don't let this man bully you. You know what happened, you know your dogs aren't responsible. There's no need for further discussion with anyone about it. If he tries to talk to you, repeat the simple statement that it wasn't your dog, he is mistaken, and you're not interested in further discussion about it. Same for any neighbours that ask about the situation.

OK, his behaviour is not normal. Elderly people don’t get ladders and climb over fences ordinarily! Could be dementia, could be due to medication, drugs, could be a hundred other things.
First, stop him accessing your property. Trellis as others have suggested or spikes on your fence ( tho he could still climb a ladder and shout over the fence) Spikes are ok, they come with a warning sticker you put on the fence.
Can you run a camera or audio recorder in your house to record dogs? That is proof they are or are not barking.
Messaging your neighbours at 1 am was OTT, especially as you knew it was the elderly neighbour.
Limit interaction with your neighbours, it’ll probably only add stress.
If he climbs into your property again report on 101 as 1. He could get injured 2. He could start doing it to other neighbours 3. Could be a safeguarding concern if he’s not receiving care and he is unwell.

I don't understand how posters are making the OP out to be the one at fault. Your dogs could have been doing the merengue with a full orchestra and he would still be in the wrong to climb into your garden TWICE. He's at fault. Any man over 50 behaving like a cunt then its poor soul he has dementia.

You'll have to try to secure your garden somehow OP, at least the other neighbours know what he's like. As to what you can do going forward, that's a tough one.